When is it time to realize its not going to work?

Question

Brief summary...
Wife left me after a month of not knowing what she wanted, not knowing if she was in love with me. She recently came back saying that she loves me and wants to be with me. Before we got back together I told her i would not take a back seat to her friend. By the way, obviously we are married, and we have a kid. This friend of hers she has known for only 6 months. Anyway, since she has been back (a week) she continually shuts down not talking about how i feel, saying things like if i keep being annoying she will leave, that im controlling becuase i want to have a hold on how much she hangs out with her friend. She has a problem with being intimite with me, basically any type of contact at all. And the worst of it all was last night when i asked her if she had the choice, would she want to hang out with her friend everyday, she said maybe. I continued to ask where does that leave me. she said i dont know, it hasnt happened, that we'll cross bridge when it comes. help???

UPDATE......

not something major, but shows how she is acting. She just called me and asked me about something. i asked her how she was feeling becuase she was acting very weird this morning. she said she was overly exhuasted, and i said why. basically the dog is sick, and i went on to say well i was up with it too last night, and it needs to stop whining, because its just getting annoying. she took this as i was yelling on her, she started to raise her voice, yell at me, and curse at me. i asked her what is your problem why are you yelling at me, do you really want this to work. she said i was yelling at her, which i wasnt, that was just her excuse so she didnt have to say sorry. anyway, even simple conversation turns into her yelling at me. i think she might of made the choice that much easier for me. what do you all think

Answer 1

seems she finds her relationship with her friends more of interest than her marriage, and it just may be time to let her go... it takes two to work on a marriage and she definitely is not trying... so give her what she wants, to be single and come and go as she pleases..

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time right now, but know that it will get better. First of all you already realize that it's not working. You see that you are second to another already. You see that your communication is not strong. I am not sure you see that she has been intimate with this person and that's why she has no interest in being intimate with you. I know this because I was her many years ago and I ruined a great thing. She is either in love with him or the sex they had has come between you and her love life. In my situation I was just taken by a man that was everything my husband was and some and my husband was a good man!! Sexually he got in, he said and did things that stayed in my mind and eventually my heart. Never planned on it but for woman we are very connected to sex we get feelings involved and that's what it sounds like happened, but for your sake I hope I'm wrong. Give her the option of all or nothing make her decide to be with you 100% or nothing. You seem like a great guy so I hate to hear that you are going through such bull!!

Answer 3

I hate to tell you this, but I feel she's with you maybe for "security" and not so much because she's really into you. To make it simpler, I think you're being used. The mere fact that she'd say that, says her priorities are kinda goofed up. However, I do not think it's right to deny her friends, or have complete control over when and if she can see those friends. There should be a compromise on BOTH sides. She needs to be able to "hang with her friends" sometimes, but only if she's trustworthy and is only having good clean fun. Same goes for you. I think you guys need to have a serious heart to heart, or perhaps even have a mediator that can help you come to some compromises if you can't do it on your own. Good luck.

Answer 4

Kick her out when you child is not around tell her to leave to go live with her friend. That the way she is acting in not like a Wife/mother. That she needs to grow up before she can come back. And it's not all about you 2 either. There is a kid involved with this. A child should not see there parents act like this towards each other it's not healthy. And if you have a daughter she's learning to treat guys like door mats. And if you have a son your teaching him to be a door mat. You don't want that for you child ever.

Answer 5

She doesn't really love you and is now just using you. She may also be either be bi-sexual w/friend or the friend is just poisoning her against you. Just end it and get you a woman who will really love you and treat you right. Sorry I'm taken. Just move on and look for new wife. Don't stay with a person who continues to hurt you. It will destoy your sprit and possibly put you into a deep depression. I know.

Answer 6

My husband is doing the same thing. He left four months ago and is living with his 'friend'. He texts me and I ask him 'What do you want to do about being married?" and he says "Let's just let ride, I think we can work it out later." Yeah, **** that.
Don't waste your loyalty on her. Give it to someone who deserves it. Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER. I know that's what makes us hold on. I will let go if you do!

Hey, where do you live? Let's go out and have some fun. I am 40 , loyal and HOT!

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I hope this answer made you smile!

Have a great day!

Rowena

Answer 7

There is a time to stay and a time to leave.
Unfortunately your wife is not being fair to you. It may be the hardest thing you ever did, but let her go.

It takes two to make a marriage work and one to break it.

You are still young enough to find someone who will really love you and appreciate you.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Not ten years and two children later! Try everything you can first.... couseling, personal therapy, etc. If that doesn't work then at least you know you tried and didn't just walk away with out a fight.

Answer 9

doesnt sound like she is much of wife and you are hanging on for all the wrong reasons. Leave her and find someone that wants to be with you.

Answer 10

IGNORE HER, when you act like you give a **** she''ll play it for all its worth, if you act like you could care less, she'll wonder why you don't love her anymore, try it you'll like it!