together in the middle of Sept. '07. In that month he was dating some 17 yr. old girl (his 20 and i'm 23) all they did was kiss (so he says). It only lasted 3 weeks for them and we we're talking for 2 of those weeks trying to fix things with us. We love each other alot and no matter how much I try to get it out of mind and not think about it. It's still there, I still think about them being with each other and cuddling and kissing. And the fact that they got together so fast makes me think they were talking when we were still together?! I'm trying to put it behind us cause we're getting Married Aug 17th of 08. Do you have an advice on how to get this behind me cause it's making problems in our relationship and I don't wanna deal with it anymore?!?!
2007-11-15 01:30:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Truthfully I think the only reason he came back is cause we found out I was pregnant while we we're broken up. I had a miscarriage in the end of Sept '07 though and he still stayed. And the reason he gave me that we broke up he could deal with the pressure of having a girlfriend. So he want with a 17 yr. old....That makes a lot of freakin sense.
2007-11-15 02:12:17 · update #1
I am going through the same thing... only he admits to sleeping with her. We were to be married in April 08, and I know that I can not do that in April now. I have not given up on him, I know we love eachother. But I have it in my head all the time too, there are good days and bad days. I think it will just take time. Read these two sites, I know it's silly, Dr Phil, but it really is good advice, it's helpful to read about how other people have been through this and made it out with a stronger relationship... I believe it's just a choice, we can chose to forgive and then wait until our minds release us from that memory, or we chose to hold on to that memory and let it destroy the future that was there....
2007-11-15 01:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by ~Lizzy~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way to not deal with it anymore is to lay all cards on the table. Have a long talk with your fiance about who, what, when, where, and why. Find out where and how he met the girl, how long they talked, what exactly they did when they made out, ALL the details. Get answers to all your question.
This plan will have one of two results: either you will end up feeling like you have the whole story, or you won't.
If he refuses to answer your questions, hedges, or apparently lies, then all cards are not on the table, and you are no better off than you were before. If this happens, you have proof that your bf cannot be trusted and/or cannot be honest. Either way, dump him, because such a man is not marriage material.
The other possibility is that you get the whole story, the cards all laid out. There might be some bad news in there. If that's the case, you'll have to decide whether or not you can forgive him. If you can, do it, and do it fully and completely so that you don't carry resentment into your marriage. If you can't forgive him, call off the wedding, because marrying someone means loving him exactly as he is, without reservation.
Don't get married unless you get all the facts AND forgive!
2007-11-15 01:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready to get married until you can work through these feelings you are experiencing. I know it hurts tremendously but if your guy has a willing attitude of helping you get through this it could work. He needs to be understanding and make amends to you in some way. You did not say why it was he broke up with you? Could it have been he wanted a last fling and when he did found out it was you he wanted? We all are human and are prone to make mistakes. He made a mistake and it will take time for you to get over it. Try and reverse it, what if you kissed another guy, would that kiss mean anything to you if you loved your fiance? Well, the same with him, it most likely meant nothing to him, in fact it made him miss you even more that is why he is with you now. If being with her only brought him back to you is proof that he loves you all the more. It is difficult I know, talk to him and explain how this has hurt you, bring it all out into the table and let him know you need his love and understanding to be able to get through this. Maybe couples counselling will help you and him to move on from this. If he is a worth while guy, forgive him, but give yourself time to do so. I do hope it all works out, I wish for a smile in your heart when you walk down that aisle in Aug 08.
2007-11-15 02:02:27 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you seperated for a month and he was already off doing something with a much younger girl, why would you want to be with him? It sounds like everything will be fine for a while, but when he wants someone else, hes going to go after them until something between them happens and he will use you as a fall back. Don't get married to this guy, you can do so much better for yourself. He was seeing that girl before you guys seperated the first time, and he knew you would take him back. Don't play into that game. Marriage isn't cheap, but divorce is hard to get over. Do yourself a favor before ever making the mistake of getting married. Your 23, live a little, hes 20, he is immature. I bet I am not the only one that would tell you this either am I?
2007-11-15 01:40:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. You want to see the best in the person you're marrying, of course. Maybe you should take a step back and really give yourself the time to figure things out. Maybe take the pressure off and postpone the wedding. Planning a wedding can add even more stress to a situation. You're both still young. If you're meant to be together forever then why rush?? It's better to be sure of this now than after years of being married, and possibly with kids.
Best of luck.
2007-11-15 01:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by luckygurl284 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way to put it behind you is for you to let it go. He probably said hey to her in a store and that started it... I doubt the he did anything while you two were together... you yourself state that in you question line... "First off my fiancee never cheated on me." If you are that sure, then start putting the thoughts of your wedding in your mind. Don't let your mind wonder about things you will never really know about... If you pick too much at it, it could end in either not marrying this guy or divorce after wards...
2007-11-15 01:38:44 · answer #6 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling, that well help you with the tools you need to get through this.
2007-11-15 01:55:23 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋