What is needed for the househusband/working wife relation to work?

Question

Thanks to those advocating for me to marry a househusband. Breif abt me, who will be reading for the first time.

I am well settled, well educated woman. I need family, but I cannot find time to raise children or housework. I really need a househusband to make and run my family and doing all the housework. He will be the nurturer and me being provider. I can finance family on my own with good standard of living.

What do you think about that as a sole provider,

a) should I seek for him to be perfect in the household work and kids raising? If required, should I arranged training for him about cooking, cleaning, child raising and other household work?
b) Should I expect a warm welcome from him with tea/coffer and hot supper on my immediate arrival from work, I usually hv to work long hours.
c) Should I seek obedience fm him?
d) Should I ask him to take my surname?
e) What would be expected fm me for this arrangement to work?
e) Should he need any other kind of training??

Am I expecting something extra? Men Out there expect all from their housewife, isn't it the same?

Definitely, it is not that I wont love him. After all he will be the father of our children.

Dont guys with housewives love them?

I am not looking for a dumb *** or lazy bum to marry with.

Kitkat and all others : Whatever I said that doesn't mean, I will not be loving and caring to my family. I am and I would be.

cooter - It is not fully, I asked a serious question.

Answer 1

good god almighty.

BE HONEST...if you had just read that load of crap from a GUY..you would be one of the first screaming "chauvanisam and stereotyping, and 'bullying"

You do NOT get married to have 'a perfect home-maker' who you can freaking TRAIN up to standards you set.
What the hell happened to LOVE, and CARING and sharing lifes goals??? What the heck happened to equality and division of responsibility, WHILE maintaining RESPECT for each other and each others needs.

What you are after, sounds like a paid cleaner, NOT an EQUAL life partner to bring children into the world with.
Seriously, people are NOT objects you can arrange to fit in with YOUR ideals of the 'perfect life' Before you go any further, realise you ain't on tellly, and people ARE real.


EDIT IN : Oh my ...I got curious enough about you to go and look at your other questions. Quite frankly from your admissions to hitting the guy you married, and the reasons you did so, you are a control freakazoid BULLY who hits her husband for some of the most pathetic selfish and idiotic things.
My advice..get YOURSELF into some serious counselling. You are making his life a total misery with your demands and insane expectations.
From your OWN questions and the things you say in them, there is NO compassion in you towards him, no understanding, no companionship, no partnership, and no love displayed towards him, though you claim you DO love him.

YOU need help hon, if you are to ever 'make a happy home' WITH your partner, .......not 'in control of' your partner.
Please do not have children, not yet.

Answer 2

WOW-congratulations on your "success" in life.

I am living this life right now, I work, my husband stays at home with my children from previous marriage. I would never presume that because I earn money to pay the bills that somehow my 'position' in the family makes me superior to his, or that I don't have time to raise my children. No relationship will work unless there is true equality and respect for the contributions of each involved.

If you have that attitude, you have NO IDEA what parenting means. Besides, it has been proven time and time again, if you are as educated as you say, you would know that Universities such as Stanford, Harvard, UC Berkley have published findings attributing what real dollar value is of the person staying at home-and the 'value' of a housewife/househusband is attributed a 6 FIGURE income!

Sorry that your question offends me so much, but really-you are so full of yourself, will you have room for a "family"??

And if you think that being a "provider" is enough to make a family work, without being a 'nurturer' yourself, and that because you bring money to the family nothing else should be expected of you-you are going to fail miserably-and hurt those around you in the process. You should remain single, because until you learn to value and respect others, for more than their 'earnings' you really don't have much to contribute to them but a 'good standard of living' - which your family won't enjoy very much if they live in an environment of disdain, disrespect, and superiority.

I treasure my househusband, because I know and realize that the truth is - if he were in the workforce, he would make more money than I do (because he is a man) and he is making a sacrifice to be at home-so reality check for yourself!

Answer 3

I think that a man who would willingly accept these terms would not be one who would make a good partner.

If you are the wage earner and are educated and settled as you think you are, you will tire of marrying a servant.

Why does this sound as if you are trying to be the male role in this ?
Maybe you should figure out that marriage takes the cooperation of equals. Oh, I almost forgot, where does love figure into this for you? It does not sound like anywhere.


Follow up,
I feel compelled to tell you that based on your other questions, that what you describe has NOTHING to do with feminism. What you describe is a situation where you are attempting to assume the role as head of household that feminists have been fighting for decades. You have not described a marriage between loving partners who cooperate for the well being of the family unit. You have become every ounce of the traditional male chauvinist pig wrapped up in feminist clothing. You are doing real feminism a severe disservice by comparing yourself to feminist ideal.
It is obvious that your attitude toward gender roles veered way off the track somewhere.
You really should take the previous advice to get some professional therapy.

Answer 4

i think you will need a maid and not a househusband. just like a housewife, they cannot be trained. i'm a housewife and we have a 6 month old and there are plenty of times that i cant have dinner waiting on him when he gets home and i cant get the housework done because i'm trying to keep up with the baby. marriage is not about finding someone you can train to be your househusband. this will be a loveless marriage and unless he's head over heels in love with you, he will not be as willing to cater to you as you think.
a) no man or woman is perfect in anything and you need a robot for him to be that way and it is wrong to go shopping for a husband that you only want to use because i see no mention about love or caring or you appreciating him in retur\n.
b) if there are kids involved, no you should NOT expect a warm welcome as a matter of fact it would probably be a cranky one from a man who is tired from cooking and cleaning and running after kids all day. you are sadly mistaken.
c) he would be a person, not a dog, he has a free will and a mind of his own, you can give him biscuits and tell him to roll over and hitting him with a newspaper wont work either!
d) it is ridiculous for the man to take your surname. what would be the reason for that. this sounds like a joke, or control issues to me
e) well, for it to work would be consideration, you helping him out when you don't work, you doing for him as well as him doing for you, you know, stuff you never mentioned doing.
f) you honestly have no grasp of what marriage is about. and you cannot take a man and train him to be your b*tch and take his place as the man and try to dominate him. only a loser would put up with that.

like i said, get yourself a maid or a robot. what your trying to do is called slavery and last time i checked it was illegal to enslave another human for your own wants and needs. I have a feeling you're gonna be one lonely woman...........

Answer 5

Just inverting traditional roles (circa 1950) doesn't redress the power imbalance between genders, if this is more of a political thing... ("obedience"??)

But - to entertain the question - I will concede that it's possible that a youngish man in 2007 may not have been reared with the same expectations of housekeeping that his sister was, despite social innovations etc. Further, I'll agree that a man unskilled (untaught) in house cleaning might have trouble with taking regular instructions from his wife, who's also wearing the bacon money earning bread pants (working).

Housecleaning, by the way, is a set of skills that is learned.
Why couldn't it be taught? I currently know lots of women my age who struggle with it.

The rest of it is bahllocks, of course. Except for the tea/supper thing, imo.

Answer 6

I rather think your fantasy is more than a bit silly. See, I'm that househusband you're talking about. She and I are mature adults whose situation was forced upon us by a career-ending injury I suffered shortly after we were wed. I cannot work outside the home, but can cook, clean and provide child care. We began doing exactly that. I even sent her back to school so she could complete her Bachelor's Degree in business.
Your foolishness, exemplified in your a) through e) indicates you're looking to see how much you can stir people up here on Y!Answers. You certainly won't find any sort of man who'd put up with that bull in real llife!

Answer 7

I don't think there is any thing wrong with having a house husband as long as he wants to be there! I have an uncle house husband- takes care of 9 kids! Personally I am old-school and still think that even though he is at home he should still wear the pants and not you- A man will always be a man- and just cause we're smart doesn't make us equal! Don't expect him to be at your service- remember you're the one choosing to be in this situation! But Good Luck they do exist!

Answer 8

What is needed is the same as any other marriage. Clear understanding of expectation of each partner in the relationship. That takes communication. Where as you are looking, do not look for raw material you can mold, but instead be up front and honest.

Answer 9

Everything about your plan sounds pretty good except C D and E. He should not be your slave. You should take his name, let him have some dignity. He is not a animal, he can learn how to clean and raise children.What should be expected from you is to be a loving and caring wife.

Answer 10

You sound like a dominatrix or that you will be running your marriage like a business. Find him first and then both decide on how thing are to be done. What ever is done I hope that it will be done with love....love is the answer to most problems in life.