█ Can you write an amusing little story that includes 6 of these phrases?

Question

By now you know this is not homework,,,,,Just good,wholesome fun on YA.

1. Did you see the headlines, today?
2. The cockroach from hell .
3. I'm way too young for liver spots. Maybe I can merge them into a tan.
4. I need a valium the size of my foot.
5. Read the rules! Read the rules!
6. You are soooo incredible....Mind if I kiss you?
7. When will I get to meet this psychotic boyfriend of yours?
8. Uh huh...... I'll just BET you don't know!
9. I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
10. Your friends remind me of the cast of a "Three Stooges " movie.

Answer 1

LUNCH AT PRINCE FROGGY

Hi, I’m Kitty. I am having lunch with my friend, Sandy, at Prince Froggy, a popular restaurant in downtown Chicago. As we were waiting to be seated, three men I know waved to me as they went into the bar.

“Kitty, your friends remind me of the cast of a ‘Three Stooges’ movie,” said Sandy. “How’s that?” I asked. “Well,” Sandy replied, “One of them is bald, like Curley; one has a bowl haircut like Moe; and the other one’s curly hair poofs out on the sides, like Larry. I almost expect them to say, ‘Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck,’ and start poking, gouging and slapping each other. Next thing you know, they’ll be throwing pies! How do you know them anyway?”

I laughed and said, “I see what you mean. I never thought about them that way, although their names are Manny, Moe and Jack, so at least one of the names fits! They are lawyers at Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. They represented me in my divorce from George, the cockroach from Hell.”

Sandy gave me a puzzled look and asked, “Why would you refer to your ex in that way?” I answered, “Actually, I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics,” but I couldn’t stay married to a cockroach like George. He was just a big pest, very hard to get rid of, and made my life a living Hell.”

“It all started on our Honeymoon. He checked us into some roach infested motel, and then insisted we stay in the room for two weeks. It was just like in the roach motel commercials. ‘You can check in, but you can’t check out.’ It wasn’t too much of a stretch for me to start thinking of HIM as a cockroach--Nasty habits and all! The only way I finally escaped was to climb out through a window!! Needless to say, that was the end of our marriage!!”

“So, how is your love life, Sandy?” I asked. Sandy laughed and replied, “Well, I was dating an old man named J. Howard Toadstool II. I was hoping I could marry him, and he would die soon after, and then I could be a rich widow. It wasn’t much fun dating him. I mean I had to push him around in his wheel chair, and listen to him make-old man noises. His idea of a joke was to say, “I'm way too young for liver spots. Maybe I can merge them into a tan.” My answer to that was to suggest, “Why don’t we just get washable markers, and we can play connect the dots?”

Sandy went on, “I was hoping one day soon, I’d call you and say, “Did you see the headlines, today?” You’d say, “No! What are they?” Sandy continued, “J. HOWARD TOADSTOOL II MARRIES SANDRA NICOLE SMITH!!”

“Unfortunately, he died before I could get him to change his Will and wheel him down the aisle,” lamented Sandy. “What happened?” I asked sympathetically. Sandy explained, “It seems his son, J. Howard Toadstool, III, and their lawyer, Howard Strict, were home alone with him. Next thing you know, Howie had died of a drug overdose. J. Howard and Howard both swore to me they didn’t know how that happened. My incredulous response to that was, "Uh huh...... I'll just BET you don't know!”

“Kitty!” said Sandy. “Do you see what I see? There is a big good-looking frog sitting in that tank over there. He appears to be wearing a tiny little crown. I wonder if he could be an enchanted frog. Do you suppose if I kissed him, he would turn into a handsome prince?”

Before I could stop her, Sandy had leapt out of her chair and ran over to the frog tank. She reached in, grabbed the frog, and said,
“You are soooo incredible Froggy. Mind if I kiss you?”

Close behind her, I grabbed her and said, “Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, you are just a little stressed. That is just a regular frog, I am afraid. They keep them here so they will be fresh if anyone wanted to order frog legs. Now, repeat after me, I need a valium the size of my foot. OK, now your turn.” ….. Sandy said, “I need a valium the size of my foot.” I replied, “Of course, you do…We’ll just go see about that!!”

Answer 2

'You know what,' i said to her, 'You're friends remind me of the cast of a 'Three Stooges' movie.
'Whatever,' she shrugged, 'I need a Valium the size of my foot.'
I sat down next to her on the bed, 'So, when will I get to meet this psychotic boyfriend of yours?'
'Just turn up the music,' she replied.

I went downstairs and left her to her dreams. It was early summer and the magnolias were coming into flower. I didn't need magic mushrooms or LSD, I could trip on the wings of my own fantasy. Earth has not anything to show more fair ...

He came up from behind and whispered 'Uh, huh.. I'll just bet you don't know.'
I didn't need to turn to look at him, I just knew it was the cockroach from hell.
Trying to appear playful I ran towards the lake. He followed me, twisting and turning like some Flower person from the 70s.
He caught up with me at the shore. Suddenly serious he put his arm around me, pulled my face towards his, 'I'm way too young for liver spots.'
He looked so vulnerable. Just one more lost soul?

Maybe he saw something in my eyes. He laughed, 'Maybe I can merge them into a tan.'

We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the ripples in the wake of the ducks and then he spoke.
His voice had changed. 'You are so incredible! Mind if I kiss you?'
I stiffened,'Read the rules! Read the rules!' I'm Josie's best friend.'

But we continued to sit there on the lakeside.

Then he asked, 'What do you do?' It sounded so normal.

'I'm a barrister. And you?'

'A banker.'

'Was that banker or wanker?'

We both laughed. 'Probably a bit off both, but welcome to the real world.'

For several minutes we watched the lake and then, unexpectedly he said, 'I know a bank whereon the wild thyme grows.'
'Show me,' I whispered.

We lay amongst the scented thyme in the early summer sun.

' I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.'

'Oh, so do,' I groaned, 'So do I, so do I!.'

Answer 3

An Chatroom Story DSRLLOF: Why are you smiling in your photo Oreo777: I smile because i have no idea what im doing Oreo777: And i need a valium the size of your head DSRLLOF: Seems to me your bluffing Oreo777: Sillyme I forget meanwhile ZacEfronLover39: OO this is cozy Ashtisdalerox24: What ZacEfronLover39: my hot cocoa and the snow while that goes on LoveyDove1: Sweet thing i LUVVV YOU! Loveydove2: do you think i have liver spots Loveydove1: of course Loveydove2: im too young for LIVER SPOTS!maybe i can merge them into a tan during that time Boredoutofmymind34: marshall dillon look inside the long branch and said YO! Boredtodeath57: THe mother ship of uselessness is lurking nearby Boredoutmymind34: welcome to my life-random hallways of gloom later GeorgeL7: Ignore Smiley24 shes deranged AngieL8: Hey! Sunshine you aint woman enough to take my man! THE END

Answer 4

Betty and Lulu sat back on their recliners at the pool in Marbella nd surveyed the scene."Bet, how's your room in the hotel?" said Lulu, " Grand apart from the cockroach from hell that is in the bath. I must have a word with the cute concierge later", sair Betty. "your tan is coming on grand girl", chirped Betty. " Thanks girl but their liver spots and Im way too young for liver spots. Maybe I can merge them into a tan. What do you think girl?" "Sure no better woman than you Lulu eh!"

Peace reigned at poolside for a while and the two old biddies took the sun, sipped cocktails and just chilled out. All of a sudden across the pool they heard raised voices. Being two Irish women of a certain age they just had to see what was going on. Lo and behold there was a couple squeezed together on a single sunbed snogging the face off each other. The young fella says, at the top of his voice " You are sooooo incredible .....mind if I kiss you?" to which the young one he was mauling replied "Kiss me Kiss me". All of a sudden another fella appeared tipped over the sun lounger and flung the snoggers in the pool before stomping off.

Now at this stage Betty and Lulu were on the edge of their seats, taking it all in, dying for more scandal to unfold.
"That young one is here on holiday with the fella that pushed them in the pool, she must be playing away!"
"Jaysus you're right Bet", replied Lulu, "she was all over the other fella last night in the bar. Hussy"
" I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics" said a very forceful Lulu.
" Now dont be all high and mighty miss pure pants", said Bet" arent you the one with a new fella on the scene?"
"That's not the same thing and you know it Bet, I am not playing the field just one of its very horny little players at a time for me!"
"Ha you are a filthy thing Lulu Murphy, when will I get to meet this psychotic boyfriend of yours anyway?"
" What do you mean psychotic and who are you to call me filthy you fat slag?"
" How dare you call me that, I'm a very decent Catholic who does nothing to harm anyone and what I do in my own time is my business. Your boyfriend must be psychotic if he's going out with you!"
" Ah Jaysus Bet there is no need for that now, we only have a bit of fun not that you'd know anything about that you dried up old prune"
"Christ Lulu I don't know whats gotten into you, your'e gone very erratic in your old age"
" Uh huh.... I'll just bet you don't know you old cow"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
" Bet, I've had enough, I dont want to talk about it anymore. Right now I need a valium the size of my foot and a pint of gin to wash it down. Call over the cute waiter, not the fat guy, and lets have a large G & T and I'll get the valium from me bum bag. We are on holidays after all."
"Right so, Lulu lets do that and to hell with chat, who needs it. Here's to a great fortnight, eh girl"
And that is a typical conversation of two auld ones on holidays together!

Answer 5

dude 1 = did u see the headlines today

dude 2 = i no, its stupid, cockroach from hell, my *** was it. i prefered, 'i think people should mate for life, like pigeons and cathlics', wrote by the pope.

dude 1 = soooo, wen will i meet this psycotic boyfriend of yours.

dude 2 = wen u get rid of those liver spots, i suggest merging them to form a tan.

Answer 6

"Read the rules! Read the rules!" he screamed at her. She didn't know why he was always screaming at her. All she had asked was a simple question.
The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
"Don't hurt that horse!" he screamed at her "That's my best horse."
"I need a valium the size of my foot." she said to the butler as she stormed into her room. And he claimed to love her and could not bear to see her talking to another man. She was not so sure she wanted to marry him anymore! He had his little oddities and plans into which everyone had to fall in place. He could not stand her female friends either.
"Your friends remind me of the cast of a "Three Stooges " movie." He had said of them derogatorily. "You should upgrade."
"Did you see the headlines, today?" asked the butler
"What about it?" she asked absent mindedly
"Your engagement was the headlines." said the butler handing her the papers.
"OMG!! Couldn't he have informed me first?"
"Uh huh...... I'll just BET you don't know! Your engagement party is tonight!" went on the butler showing her some invitation cards. "He says you should dress up in your finest linens. Like the one he got for in Italy last year."
"Well he can shove his fine linens up his @$#$%^&!" she said "I am not attending that party!"
She called up one of her friends and narrated her ordeal to her in tears.
"When will I get to meet this psychotic boyfriend of yours?" she asked. "He sounds like The cockroach from hell."
"That's what he is," she agreed
"Call off his engagement and bring him to his knees. What century does he think this is?" advised her friend
"You are soooo incredible....Mind if I kiss you?" she said feeling better. Just then she heard his booming voice and hurriedly dropped the phone.
"My love? Are you ready? My one and only. You know I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics." he said with a booming voice.
"I am not coming for the party." she said with a stubborn set of her chin.
"I will pretend I just didn't hear that. Your clothes have been selected and those to dress you up are here. You can be tied and carried to the party if you prefer it that way, but attend you must!"
"What kind of man are you?" she asked "In one breath you say you love me and yet you treat me like dirt?"
"My doctor says I have liver spots. Hmmm...I'm way too young for liver spots. Maybe I can merge them into a tan?" he asked ignoring completely her remarks.

Answer 7

I am sure I could but do not have the time