Lonely New Mum - Help!!?

Question

My mum lives 3and 1/2 hours away ( on a good journey ) and i really miss her - I have a 12 week onld boy and i am not finding mothering hard just being lonely.
have made some friends at a mother and baby group but still find myself wanting my mum nearby.
I am also now scared to go shopping as some guy in Waitrose watched me breastfeed my boy and then when i went to leave the store he accused me of trying to steal the nappies which were under my pram - i had a reciept from boots and a bag tied to them to say where they cam from but he sid he saw me take them on CCTV!!!
Now i am afraid to go to the shops on my own sometimes i don't take the reciept as i end up with millions in my bag i only took one this time because i forgot my points card. Also they ask if you need a bag now because they want to save the amount of plastics being used i always say no because everything can just go under the pram. Any ideas i am now worried i could be heading for PND!!

Thanks for the advice guys - My mum is self-employed so if she took a week off she will lose all that pay which just makes me feel guilty - She has offered to come some weekend but she hates driving and never seems to get here because of that.

Also when i feed i always use a muslin cloth!! They are a Godsend !!
I am very discrete when i feed!!

Answer 1

What a sad story. At my local Aldi, myself and my friend were asked a few times if we had "forgotten to take anything out from our prams" at the checkout by male staff. Why do some people think we use our prams for stealing??? It drives me mad! Unfortunatley I think you are just going to have to collect those receipts and bin them at home. If the store had you on tape putting nappies in your pram, you would have been arrested it just sounds like you had a run in with a bully boy moron. I am 24 and mum to two girls under 5, if ya need a chat, email me. Try and call your mum as much as you can and let her know how you feel. She may try adn visit you more or enable you to visit her more often. Good luck x

Answer 2

It can be a very lonely time when you have a new born, especially at this time of year when the days are cold and dark. But you seem to be doing all the right things - going out and meeting others with young children. Well done!

Perhaps you could ask your Mum if she could come and stay with you for a week or so. Make sure you ring her, and other members of your family & circle of friends, because just the sound of a friendly voice can help dispel the loneliness.

Do try and forget what happened in the supermarket. I appreciate it must have been deeply unpleasant and humiliating and the man was clearly also untruthful. But don't let him make you afraid to go out.

Maybe you could ask the shops to staple their receipts to an item that you have purchased, if you do not wish to use a plastic bag. That way the receipt would be handy to prove that you have paid. A purseful of receipts and never the one that you need - we have all been there!

Why not write to Waitrose and tell them about the situaiton you were put in? How embarrassed you were at feeding while the security guard watched you and the fact that the man was untruthful about having seen you put the items on the bottom of the pram on CCTV. You never know, they may apologise and that would make you feel a little better.

Shops will certainly have to improve their customer service if they are supposed to be encouraging us not to use plastic bags!

If you feel that you may even possibly be sufffering from PND, go see your doctor. It's not something that you need to suffer from and this is a time when you should be able to enjoy your baby.

Look after yourself - you are important.

Answer 3

I hate receipts as well, but they are important as they prove that you have paid for the items you have. Just take the receipt and put it in your purse, once a week empty them all and decide which if any you need to keep. To have more privacy in public while breastfeeding I used to put a muslim nappy over my shoulder so all was hidden from view. That way you will have no gawpers. I was very lonely when i had my first little boy, I had gone from a full time job to being at home. I invited all the mums around who I met at a mother and baby group for a coffee and made some firm friends. I met up with these girls to go shopping etc....
I would ask your mum if she can come up for a few days or perhaps you could go and visit for a couple of days.
Make sure you keep in contact with old friends, express some milk and go out with them for a while.Take care

Answer 4

It is really tough when you have a young baby, especially if you don't have any family around. Like you, my mum lives about 3 or 4 hours away and I don't have anyone locally to turn to. I agree that you need to try and socialise with other mums and go out with them to give yourself more confidence. If you're in the UK, a brilliant website is Netmums because you can put up a post in the Meet a Mums forum and try and make some local friends. Also, the Bounty website (www.bounty.com) is an absolute lifesaver when you're feeling lonely. As someone else has suggested, why not ask your mum to stay for a while or go down an visit her? It may reassure you to talk to her about when you were a baby and you now have even more common ground as you are both mums. As for people's attitudes like the man in the shop, please try not to let it upset you. I now have a 2 1/2 year old and was recently mortified when he threw a tantrum in the doctor's surgery and an old man told me I shouldn't have children if I can't control them. It crushed me but I had to shake it off. You don't have to justify yourself to other people.

If you think you are heading for PND, please talk to your doctor or health visitor or find out about local support groups. I had very bad postnatal depression and it was made a lot worse by feeling lonely. Although you have a young baby to look after, you must look after yourself too. Again, Bounty and Netmums have dedicated forums for postnatal depression and you may find the ladies on these websites to be very kind and supportive.

Finally, I would suggest setting yourself a daily task such as going to the local park or a children's farm (if there is one locally). Even walking up to the local shops without going in can make you feel like there are other people in the world and that you're not alone.

Good luck with everything. It will get less lonely as your little one becomes more interactive and I truly believe that most mums want to make more friends.

Answer 5

Oh Hun, My mum lives over the other side of Australia, and I wanted her every day after I had my daughter, I cried over it and felt so bad about it.
If you had the receipt and they didn't take you to a little office for questioning then he is just a wanker!
I have had Pnd with both my kids and it isn't pleasant, but if you know what to look for you may be able to catch yourself before you get too bad to function. Crying all the time, not sleeping, or tired all the time, inability to do even a very simple task, eating too much, or not enough, having trouble with bonding to your baby. If you are in Aus, then try the beyond blue website, they have a great section on pnd. Also maybe a check up with your Doctor may be a good idea so they know what is going on. If you want to contact me feel welcome, I have messenger and emails available, and if it makes a difference I'm 30 and have two kids, a 3yo daughter and a 11mo son. But try to think positively, it can help!!

Answer 6

I know the feeling my daughter is 18 months and my son is 8 months i feel lonely when my husband is not around when i went shopping i would express milk in to a bottle because men just glare at you and some women do as well i wouldn't worry about the man in waitrose he just has nothing better to do other than to pick on people the best thing you are doing is going to mother and baby group try to make some friends and go for coffee or invite them around to yours or have coffee mornings with a few of the mothers on the days you don't go to baby group a lot of the mothers would love it try baby swimming lessons that's a new way to meet new people and you will not feel as lonely hope it helps and good luck

Answer 7

Can you ask your mum to come and stay for a few days or a week or can you go to her for a while till you adjust?
It won't help long term and you will need to find some ways to get over the loneliness but it might help you find some confidence by being able to talk with her.

Take your baby for walks to the park as there are usually other mums and kids there or invite other mother and baby friends over to you and tell them you could really use some company as you are worried about PND. Speak to your doctor about your feelings and find someone to share your thoughts and feelings with.

Don't be scared to go shopping. Keep your head high and your be confident and tell stupid jerks like that idiot from waitrose to go stick it!!

Answer 8

So sorry to read about your terrible time at Waitrose. Dont shop there again.I would see if your mum could come and visit maybe at weekends, let her know how you feel, she probably has been there herself and will understand. I had post natal after my 2nd child and felt awful, even to the point were i wanted my husband to leave but i did not address the problem straight away so it got worse.Please go and see your g.p,i was given anti-dep and they worked after a while but i dont think i would of got by without them.It does get better, even though it wont feel like it now, just wait till they get to the age were they answer back or they are always in the rightor even better they have to have the latest labels at the age of 10!!!! enjoy your baby while they still sleep and dont answer back. Take care and if you need a chat im home during the day.xxxx

Answer 9

I think you are doing well, I have a 13 week old, I'm bottle feeding her, but I'm not sure I'd have the confidence to breastfeed her in public even though I would want to if that was the way I was feeding her.

Does your town have a local NCT? you do have to pay to join but they have social events organised, they are often looking for volunteers to helps with things. They also produce a magazine, the one in my town has researched the baby and breast feeding friendly places. Costa coffee and pizza express seem to come out well.

For a while you could ask for a bag and have the receipt in it and save the hassle of being asked.

Answer 10

Speak to your health visitor. If your really feeling down talk to your Dr. Post natal depression is very real for alot of women - don't suffer in silence. Ask your Mum to come and stay a week and tell her why its so important for you. I had a cotton woolly brain and did lots of mad things after the birth of my first son. The stress was unbelievable. Good to your local baby group and talk to other mums, you'll feel better for it. Then you will make new friends who understand you and you can go out with babies together.

I wish you all the best - it does get better.

Luv

Jac

xx