My huband of 15 years decided a couple of days ago to leave me and our 5 children,this is not the first time he has done this,it seemed right through the marraige whenever somthing serious happened he would walk,I kept forgiving him as you do. his behavior got worse and worse.I suggested marraige councelling and he told me it would not work yet he stayed and got more and more controlling.You know the type,you should do this and that and you dont know what you are talking about, all the typical controlling behaviors,including put downs and in the end threats ,Honestly guys I tried everything on this plannet to get through to this man .This time when he left I felt numb and exhausted and used and I do not wish to have him back in my life any longer ,even my teenagers are happy that he has left.I feel that he is a coward and only stayed in this marraige for his own selfish motives.I am ok ,just angry that a man could desert his family and wash his hands clean like he did not do anything
2007-11-12 21:24:59 · 23 answers · asked by Lightworker 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry your marriage didn't work out but sometimes it is only when you are able to look at things in a different way are you able to know the answers to questions like yours.
It wasn't until some time after my divorce that I was able to understand why my wife married me.
2007-11-13 06:01:56 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to hear that you have tolerated this behaviour for so long...but as an outsider, and from how i would handle this... I feel you have let him up till now. You need to lose the plot 'the first time' he says or does something demeaning. Not make excuses for him and try to reason... Its up to you to let him know ITS NOT ACCEPTABLE. If you dont ....you will continue to be walked over. And if you do tell him....(you wont tolerate it.). you need to back it up by walking out 2 seconds later.
take a deep breath and thank god that he has gone. Now you can enjoy life with your kids without becoming an emotional wreck. he sounds like a gutless coward with 'little man' syndrome. Count your blessings. You are lucky he has gone. Sure kids need a dad... One that is kind, loving, encouraging and reliable. They are better off also. Heres to a new, happy life!
2007-11-12 21:40:56 · answer #2 · answered by blerchus4incapet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First time he left and you allowed him back, you were basically giving him your permission to do it again. Sounds to me like now you have had enough. Well sometimes it takes longer for some than for others. I'm sure you did try everything to get thru to him... didn't work huh... no because he didn't want it too. I'm sure that you and your children are happy he's so longer there. NOW its time for you to do what is best for them and for yourself. Get an attorney and set yourself free of him and all his craziness forever. IF you don't get an attorney he just may wash his hands of his obligation to his kids, they need and deserve support from thier Dad. I'd say you are on the right tract now. Its not gonna be easy but at least at night you'll have peace of mind. Don't know if you attend church but if you would it would help you and the children at this time. God Bless.
2007-11-12 23:10:26 · answer #3 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, while you are angry, let me tell you this. Get what you can from the courts for you and your kids. When he finds out that child support and alimony is looking for his act he'll try to run back to you. Don't let him in again. I say this because... when kids are happy that the father is gone, then there's something wrong. Don't force them to want him. He has torn a nerve with them and they want peace and quiet away from him. I know what you mean by feeling numb. That is the phase of starting to go through all of the stages. I think that it good that you don't want him back. I say if they contribute anything good to your life, then they need to get out of your life. Much blessing to you and your kids.
2007-11-12 22:25:59 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, life changes people and you just grew apart. You grew wiser with the years too. You finally stood up for yourself and realised that you dont need a man to define you. Don't beat yourself up about it. Its just a lesson life taught so dont forget the lesson in the mistake made. Just be happy that your children are with you and know you wont leave as opposed to being with him and never knowing where they stand. Keep your head up and build a new stable life with your children. You will heal and forgive him. Just take it slow and never give him another chance to walk all over you. Loving someone doesnt mean keeping them emotionally hostage like he kept you.
2007-11-12 21:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see an inconsistency in your words. "You are - ok?" and at the same time-"numb, exshausted and used....?" As with all relationships it takes two to make it work. (Try fighting with a tree!) It goes way deeper than this and and the key to it all is your own responsibility for your "Words, Actions and Behavior." You cannot control another. Hear this - you cannot make another person do anything they don't want to do. You cannot make them happy. You cannot make them sad. Same with you. Whatever your husband said or did - you are responsible only for yourself. Ok - your children are another matter, but they are, each one, responsible for their own words, actions and behavior.
I know the pain you are feeling. My wife just left after 15 years also. She had to "find herself." Personally, I turned to my church for the support and understanding that I lacked. If I may recommend for you to do the same and get into a women's support group at church. You will find that you are not alone and the rescources they have will be healing.
God Bless.
2007-11-12 22:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by craig b 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see a lawyer today! go for child support and alimony! change the locks... and put all of his stuff on the front lawn, today! have the kids help! he is probably out sleepin' around and gettin' aids as we speak! don't take this man back, ever... move on! he's not a man, he's a child... who gets mad when he don't get his way... now, it's time for your way to live a happy and peaceful life... good luck! dump him, dump him hard....... DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!!! do you want the kids to marry someone like this jerk??? I didn't think so...
2007-11-12 22:52:46 · answer #7 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does it matter why he married u, why did u marry him? Why did u take him back before?
Pick ur self up and move on, lots of women want to know 'why'... but men just 'do' don't waste ur time.. find urself some happiness just being free...
2007-11-12 21:30:03 · answer #8 · answered by Josie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your lucky at least he left you with the house, my current g/f got nothing when she left her ex-husband and because they were in a rented home the law backed him. they were married 20 years and she walked out with the clothes on her back,as her Ex was exactly the same as your husband and she could not take it any longer
Be thankful hes gone get your divorce and go out and find a decent bloke there are some around.
2007-11-12 22:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by colin b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After he would walk out on me and my children the first time, the lock would be changed and everything he owns will be out on the yard!!!
Honey, it only takes one time, and why do you keep accepting him back in your life, your children are suffering so much!!!! With "daddy" popping in and out and you accepting him back in your lives, you are sending your children mixed singnals and they are getting the wrong idea of what a marriage should be, and they are suffering so much!!!!!
Good, he is out, change the locks right away and throw everything he owns in the yard, and move out, and if you can't then your children and you need counseling, you say you are fine, but you and your children need to talk to someone to really be ok!!!!
My question would be, what took you so long to get him out of the pitchure??
2007-11-12 21:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋