i recently got married to a man who has a 21 year old daughter. shes a spoiled brat from hell. she lives alone no rent, no car payment , and he wants to help pay her bills. i don't agree. she has pictures of him and his ex [not her mother] that she just now put in her house that my husband is allowing her to live in for FREE and thinks im gonna walk in that house NO. i have NO use for this girl ,i cant stand her. she can come here all she wants but that doesn't mean i have to like her. her father knows how i feel,but he don't like it.and i really dont care. am i being selfish?
2007-11-12 21:07:54 · 16 answers · asked by babyblues 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh yea ;;; she has a job
2007-11-12 21:16:39 · update #1
Gee, thats hard. His daughter is an adult, and you are an adult. What I suggest is try to find a way to sort out your differences. Im sure his daughter doesnt like you either, so the poor man is the meat in the sandwich. He doesnt want to choose, but he probably feels he will have to choose eventually. If something cant be sorted out then this problem will continue to put a wedge in your marriage. I think this is a very serious problem and you really do have to find a way to sort this out. If you are not prepared to compromise.....If your husband isnt prepared to compromise and if the daughter isnt prepared to compromise then you are in for one hell of a tumultuous marriage.
2007-11-12 21:14:36 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, the first sentence of yours is that you two are never going to get along if you keep taking on this attitude about her, you are a part of her life now, and you have to grow up and deal with her, weather you like it or not, and if you knew he had a spoiled daughter, why did you marry him, you should have known what you were getting into, now you are married, to him and have a step-daughter, it is up to you to be the grown up here and understand that she has problems and she needs a real family and a real mother to help her grow and to help her adjust to her new situation, I really feel sorry for her, her whole life, she has spent not having a real loving family that she is so yearning for, I feel sorry for her, she has suffered so much, try your best to understand where she is coming from, and for you and your husband to help her out.
By her being the way she is, she is just crying for attention! Poor child!!! They always suffer!
You are being selfish, and jealous, you sound like the wicked stepmother from he**!!!! Why did he marry you???
Honey, you have got to change, this is his daughter, he has known her her whole life, he helped bring her into this world and he has only known you for how long????
Accept her, get over your jealousy of her, because if you do not, you will lose your husband!
Weather you like it or not, she will ALWAYS be his daughter, and he will ALWAYS be there for her like he was from day one!!!!!!!
You do not want her in your house, she probably does not want you in hers, change your "tude" otherwise, you might be spending the holidays in an empty house while he is spending the holidays with his beautiful daughter, and counting their blessings that there is no one around to ruin their wonderful day together!
Do you want that??? I don't think so, then change the way you are thinking right now, so you will not be all alone during the holiday season, which can be miserable!
2007-11-13 06:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but don't you think this should have been resolved BEFORE you got married? You knew about this before and you still proceded into marriage. Did you not accept it before?
You better accept it now! This all comes down to communication between husband/wife. And I would say that this is the tip of the iceberg. You two need to get this issue resolved NOW for the key to marriage is not compromise - it's forgiveness. Compromise is when both give up something so both lose. Forgiveness is when you accept the other for the benefit for both. If I may recommend a great website to get you started - marriagebuilders.com
Your life, your marriage will not be the same.
2007-11-13 06:14:47 · answer #3 · answered by craig b 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can't see the problem with her. Your problem is with him. She can only do what he allow her to do. If you are not getting along with her, you need to check where the problem originates from. What you should do, never mix your money with his. If he want to take care of this big rusty grown woman, then let him. Just don't help him do so. I don't think you're being selfish, I don't get that kind of vibe from you. I think if she was nice and respectful to you. You would show her a little respect. She is clearly using her father. Watch and wait. This very child, he chooeses to spoil, will be the very child that will bend over and tell him to kiss her sunshine. Since he wants to take care of her, you make sure he takes care of you also.
2007-11-13 07:19:57 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you marry someone with that has children, no matter what age they are going to come along with the package, and you knew she was there and could see how he was with her before, you cant change what he does with his kids, the positive thing is she isnt living with you, but why put your husband in a sticky situation between the both of you, how he handles his relationship is really his business, you can suggest things but thats about it and just accept your boundaries with his daughter, and just try being cordial enough to get through a visit, dont make it like he has to choose between the both of you, because his kid will come first...
2007-11-13 05:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you're not being selfish !
But maybe you should consider this: as long as it doesn't make you lack of something, let your husband pay and don't interfere in his relationship with his daughter.
Don't go where she lives, don't answer her provocations. But make sure she respects you when she's at your place and when you get her on the phone if it happens. Apparently, she's trying to get read of you. I'm pretty sure she did the same with the ex, who's an "ex" for a reason, so don't you bother.
Don't express your disagreement to your husband anymore, unless he's making you make a sacrifice for the girl whom he's probably bearing regrets for having let her down somehow -even if it's not justified. He might want to compensate for something he hasn't done and she's taking advantage of it or is revenging herself.
Anyway, you're not being selfish in my opinion, but impose respect for you and do not interfere if you are not being sacrificed for her sake.
2007-11-13 05:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by Tesse Malou 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You bought a package deal, so get used to it. With father comes daughter, you should have read the writing on the wall before you got married. Oh, one other little point; daughter will ALWAYS be number one to your husband. That's right, she comes before you and always will. Don't like the kid? You have two choices - be civil and respectful or dump the package and move on.
2007-11-13 05:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by countrygent07 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you have a right to make her pay rent if she is living with you. If you own the house then you have the say.If you don't then if she is going to live with you then she has to share in the costs. I imagine this going to blow up in your face one day when you can't stand her anymore. But I think your husband will see his daughter first not you since she is his own blood. I think what you have to do here is have all parties to find some middle ground. Otherwise things will just get worse.
2007-11-13 05:35:07 · answer #8 · answered by Johny 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Truthfully, yes you are. If you love your husband, then you should make an effort to get along with her. She will come first. Remember, she has been in his life a lot longer then you have. And, just because you don't like her, you shouldn't make your husband feel like he has to choose. His daughter is his flesh and blood and it would be wrong for you to stir up trouble between the two of them just because of your feelings. How he raises his daughter really isn't up to you. You could offer your advice, but only if he asks for it. If you continue down this path, it will cause problems.
2007-11-13 05:16:39 · answer #9 · answered by KBaylie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Nope doesn't sound like you are being selfish at all, it sounds like she is the one being selfish. Its time for her to grow the hell up she is a full adult and needs to start acting it, but who would if they have someone taking care of all their needs. I think her father should help her out but make her get a job and pay her own way.
2007-11-13 05:14:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jenniferann88 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋