I am 35 years old. No children. Before my husband and I started going to counseling, he would constantly put our marriage on the back burner... always pushing me away, working like crazy and basically ignoring our marriage. He has gotten much better over the course of our counseling. He is more communicative than ever and more sensitive, but we still are not physically involved. I know I am partly to blame for this because I still harbor some ill feelings toward him and he senses this. The fact that we are much better than we were 6 years ago is great, but the fact that I am getting older and still we have no intimacy let alone children, makes me angry and very resentful. Our counselor says that physical intimacy is the last thing to try and build once the emotional intimacy has improved. I believe this to be true, but lately I am not sure if I want to be with him the rest of my life. When does a person know for sure when the cutt-off point in a marriage is?
2007-11-12 19:01:15 · 10 answers · asked by lisa s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no "cut off point" Marriage is a COMMITMENT you made to each other, in front of God......You are still COMMITTED to each other...........He is going to counseling with you, and is improving is a good thing!! Does he really want kids??? If yes is his answer, he better get busy, ASAP!!!
2007-11-12 19:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest not making any world shattering decisions based on any replies you get off of a groups question board. But I also see the point in asking for unbiased outside advice. So here is my advice:
On top of the marriage counseling I would also suggest that you get some individual counseling for you personally to work through some of your own personal issues. Maybe this will help you get past your resentment towards your husband.
Because it seems to me like your husband is making a commendable effort to work things out. He is going to counseling and you even say your self "He is more communicative than ever and more sensitive." That is awesome. BUT I can understand your frustration in the fact that you are not intimate with each other and this is difficult to get past. I would think back to the reasons you married this man in the first place. What made you fall in love with him and think that you would want to be with him forever? Think about the reasons you feel like you no longer want to be with him for the rest of your life. You stayed with him for a pretty long time when things were really bad why jump ship when things are starting to get better.
Overall I wish you luck. I hope that you really do some sole searching and make the best decision. But again I would get some individual therapy and try to work through the issues.
As far as you final question when is the cut-off point in a marriage? Well typically speaking NEVER. Marriage should be forever. BUT that is not to say that there are not reasons why marriages should end. Spousal abuse, a cheating spouse, etc.
Overall only you will be able to make that choice, and good luck to you in making the best choice.
2007-11-13 03:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by dawnideanm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should know being 35 that love making is a big deal if you do not get that feeling when kissing or making love that's the cut off point/emotional intimacy is great but give me a hour of kissing and love making to someone i what to be with best feeling in the world/ok maybe 40 min lol
2007-11-13 03:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by john 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first thought is if you're going to counselling wouldn't that be the best venue to ask this question? My second thought is that you are holding things back in the counselling session that you don't want brought up for discussion. The point of counselling is to be honest and bring forward any concerns that you have. Counselling will do nothing for you if you're holding on to concerns that are hurting you and your marriage. The questions you have here ,are questions you need to bring forward in your counselling sessions.
2007-11-13 06:00:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to let go of that anger? If you are still angry for the things that he did, then you are not giving him a chance at being a better husband.
Lost intamacy comes back with time. You cant rush things, it wont lead to anything good. Try to get back on track first. Start with talks, walks, picnics and just general conversations.
Dont force intamacy, let things go on their natural course, and things in the bedroom will spice up once again. ~You have to wait through winter, before summer heats things back up~
2007-11-13 03:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From where I sit, you just hit it. After all, you're asking strangers on Y!A about your personal marriage life. Sounds like the period at the end of a long sentence.
2007-11-13 03:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by TryItOnce 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are there. Life is too short for you to be miserable. Both of you will probably be better off in the long run.
2007-11-13 03:41:58 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats done is done ...he's trying to improve isnt he ....uve made it this far ....why not give it a shot one last time ...dont throw all the progress uve made away ...let all the anger go or its gonna ruin everything uve worked on for so long
2007-11-13 03:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by velma dinkley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ill think it over and answer u later, just saving the quesion now so i can find it later...
2007-11-13 03:23:43 · answer #9 · answered by Top Contributor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he senses some ill feelings. get over it
2007-11-13 03:24:11 · answer #10 · answered by bluesky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋