Ive been married for 7 years with 2 great kids, 1 from a previous marriage and the other w/ my husband. We dont have much but enough to get by and keep the kids in sports. But . . . I aways feet something is missing. We never really spend any quality time together, we are both workers and taking care of kids. We dont usually talk about us, just whats going on in our own little worlds. I want that happy excited feeling again. I guess I just don't know how to get close again.
2007-11-12 18:26:49 · 10 answers · asked by there4u 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anything is possible.
I think that feeling something is missing is a unique human thing. Perhaps, your body is telling you that it is time to invest in the relationship again.
I strongly believe that a marriage or any relationship consists of what you put into it. So far, you have put in children and a life where you both provide for that family you have created. Marriage is an entity. It is a separate life from the kids.
Talk to your man. Tell him what you think. He won't want to talk about it...probably, because men aren't usually talkers. But he will be interested in making the things that matter to him better. This includes closeness, fun, better sex, and more happiness. Appeal to him on those grounds.
Start out slow. Ask him what he would like more of...he might even say sex. That is ok. Sex is the expression of love for a man...once he is married. Then make a simple plan.
1. make a date night at least once a month. Go out...and dress up. Do the things that will turn him on. Ask him to do the same for you. Make it a swapping thing at first, but be serious. It will take some effort at first, but once you do it...it will get easier.
2.Once you make one change....and you do it enough to like it...suggest another. As I said, it may not be fun or easy at first, but once you start doing for the other, then you will notice that you are getting some of your needs met too. Marriage is about getting your needs met sometimes...and feeling that missing feeling, means that your needs have fallen by the way side,...even if your husband did nothing intentionally. We often forget to spoil our loved ones. Love is not left overs in the fridge...it is an active process of giving to another.
3. You spoke about quality time. Think about the one thing that would really make you smile and feel happy. Could be going out w/o the kids. Could be feeling sexy to someone...anyway, just make a plan no matter how silly it is...to have that quality time. And as a favor to him, Give him something he would like. He may say he wants nothing...that is because he isn't use to giving to himself either at least with you in the picture.
Staying in love is about creating those special moments with each other. And avoiding the dull moments...like just watching TV. Routines are so easy to make. Avoid them. Do something..anything that requires more time together. Consider a fun project even. Whatever you both could enjoy.
Love isn't about you doing all the giving...but it is about being happy. Remember that happiness is a process not a moment. Create more moments and remember that doing that will make more happiness in your life.
2007-11-12 18:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well not to sound like Dr. Phil. But it sounds like you've put all of your eggs into the working basket and not enough time in the loving basket. Try to go out, get a baby sitter, send the kids to the in-laws and spend a night out ALONE with each other.
Take 10 minutes out each day and just hug and snuggle. And talk to each other. Thats what is really important.
Happiness is possible if you both really want it and are willing to work for it.
And thats what marriage is. An Agreement between 2 people to work hard to be happy with each other.
2007-11-12 18:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody is happy all of the time. Its just not reality. You are describing millions of working families around the world. This is what we all do. You need to organise a 'date night'/weekend away - depends who you have around to mind the kids for you. Then you can become happy and excited about that. Why not organise one of these things, and suprise your husband with it. Good luck with everything mate
2007-11-12 18:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by bahl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our life here on earth is just made of sufferings and happiness,because that is the kind of life that God introduce to all of us Christians. God sent his only begotten son Jesus Christ to undergo a terrible suffering and eventually died on the cross like a criminal even though he has committed no sin, so that we will all have a new life with God in union with Christ Jesus, which eventually give us Eternal life that would give us the true happiness in heaven.
A single seed must suffer to die, so that it will grow into a big plant and bear good fruit for everyone to eat. Some one must suffer to die to open the eyes of many so that there could be peace and reconciliation among us.
In your case your suffering and sadness are just clear manifestation that there could be a true happiness waiting for you in the end of the road. Just have patience and just have faith that God will soon reward you of your sacrifices. As St. Paul said, " I have ran my best in the race, I hold on to my faith, and I know there is merited crown of happiness waiting for me."
My advice to you my friend don't let that sadness of yours be a negative force but take it positively and make use as a driving force to make you strong in facing some greater problems in life and endure towards the end of receiving the crown of happiness.
Good luck and God Bless.
2007-11-12 19:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by EDRO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i start feeling down about my marriage i try to think of 3 things he did to make me happy-in any year, in any month, since we've been together, not just married. i try to think of things i did to make him happy-those are the times to cherish, though it may seem bleak today, tomorrow may be a brighter day, and you have to keep looking for those special moments in each and every day. if this is not the man of your dreams, but you love him, make him the man of your fantasies....
2007-11-12 18:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by monicastocker74 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
London woman and Elle.... very exciting solutions... i enjoyed them ;) i think of that's completely achieveable... and self-obvious interior the face-melting complexity of human emotion... For me... i will journey it while i'm quite depressed and at a loss for words... while my neck is aching from being arched, and that i've got been crying... and, genuinely, i'm unhappy. yet i journey the sensation of happiness concurrently... i'm satisfied that such emotional turmoil has given thank you to profound philosophical concept and that i will excavate the very own caverns of the human condition... ;) X
2016-11-11 08:25:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a rut. Remember what made you fall in love with him in the first place and act on that. Things will get better. Good Luck!!
2007-11-12 20:11:19 · answer #7 · answered by mikk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find somebody to look after the kids on weekends and take him out and do some things together.
he'll realise that he has to do the same for you.
2007-11-12 18:52:10 · answer #8 · answered by doctor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happiness is a choice.
2007-11-12 18:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
always talk about happy memories and do not raise sad memories
2007-11-12 18:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋