Hi, I am 4 months pregnant and I have a two year old step son that was cared for mostly by his grandfather and I feel was neglected. He is more than 25 % delayed in all areas and is just now trying to walk. I am sure all mothers know how difficult it is to keep up. He doesn't sleep but between 2 am and 8 am and I have to get back up at 3 or 4 to get my husband up and off for work and I am usually up an hour or more at this time so I get very little sleep. I feel bad because it is to the point where I am having trouble coping and I seem to cry all the time. I do not work I am just staying home with the baby. His progress has come very far he is finally gaining weight and in 5 months has gone from barely crawling and sitting in the floor staring into space to now he is toddling, jabering and is into EVERYTHING!!! I never have 5 minutes to catch my breath. My husband helps me on the weekends and he helps me watch the two year old at night so I can get some extra cleaning done.
2007-11-12 17:19:38 · 11 answers · asked by ems_lover 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
But in the evening when I am able to clean is when I should be resting. On top of the hastle of chasing the baby I am having problems with my pregnancy and I am supposed to be resting with my feet up as much as possible. I love my life and I wouldn't trade my family for the world but I have been through sooo much in the past five years. I had a major accident been through several surgeries, on crutches for 8 months last year. In March this year I got really depressed and tried to kill myself. I moved away from everything I knew and moved in with my sister that is when i was reunited with an old friend and got married in may. I am wishing I had seen a tharepist or something. I am just so exhausted mentally and physically but there is no break. You can't just put your family on the back burner to catch up on life but I feel like if I felt better I could be a better wife and mother. Please help!!!
2007-11-12 17:20:01 · update #1
First of all you have to get help with your special needs child and I am afraid you are not in Canada where we tend to care about our families more. One thing I noticed - why are you getting up at 3 or 4 - let your husband get himself to work and you sleep. Try and find some social services in your area - again I know nothing about the states except bad things.
2007-11-12 17:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Wow!
I will validate your feelings that the baby was neglected, and also ask why his daddy let it happen???
The pediatrician needs to be notified immediately about his sleep deprivation. 2 year olds should be sleeping around 10 hours at night and a short nap in the afternoon. No sugar, no caffeine may help.
And hubby needs to get on the ball! He can get his own butt up out of bed for work. And he should be handling the cleaning and shopping,not you. The baby that is growing inside of you needs good nutrition, rest for your body and less stress.
Where is the childs mother? Are there any family members or friends that you can ask for help? Even a few hours to put your feet up everyday would be a blessing.
You are doing a wonderful thing for this child and really need to put your foot down as to how much help hubby is giving. He is probably tired and stressed out, too from working and helping, but there has to be a better balance until the new baby is born! Best of luck to all of you.
2007-11-13 02:40:25 · answer #2 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can so relate. I spent several years exhausted, chasing children. I hired a sitter a couple of times a week, some times just for a couple of hours so I could sleep. Once your new baby is born you are in for even less sleep. The new baby will need to be fed every 3 hours or so, around the clock. Try to eat well and find an adult to talk to everyday.
Some of the cleaning can wait. You will kill yourself trying to keep a spotless house with a toddler living there. Hire some one to come in for the deeper cleaning. It doesn't cost that much when they only come in, say once a week to clean. It is well worth it.
2007-11-13 02:22:31 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm... wow. Where to start?
I think what you're doing for your step son is wonderful, if it doesn't kill you or cause a breakdown in the process! You don't have to put your family aside, but you're not going to be helping anyone if you don't take care of yourself, too.
First - why is your husband incapable of getting himself out of bed and off to work? That stops immediately. It's not your job to run the house, raise his son, AND see him off to work in the middle of the night.
Second - if the two year old is napping during the day, stop. Six hours of sleep at that age is not normal. If he's sleeping too much during the day, of course he won't go to bed at a decent time.
Third - don't jeopardize your health and the baby's by not following the doctor's orders to rest. You have an obligation to the baby, and you're not going to be any good to anyone once the baby is born if you're already worn down.
Fourth - find some help, any way you can. Even an hour or two a day. You need the mental break, and probably a physical one, too.
Being a parent is a sacrifice, but not a masochistic nightmare. If your self-worth is too tightly wrapped up in taking care of everyone but yourself, get yourself to a doctor, too!
Good luck.
2007-11-13 01:36:22 · answer #4 · answered by pecosee 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You have a LOT on your plate. Shake out your priorities.
Your health( aka your unborn babe) comes first as does the 2 yr. old, the hubby and housework come in a far second ( as they should right now). First off, why are you getting your hubby off to work? He should be able to handle this himself. Second, let the house be not perfect for a while. Just get the stuff like dishes, trash and laundry. Let the other stuff slide a bit and rest! Also, in a couple of months you will start to have more energy ( normal phase of pregnancy). Right now, you are exhausted, it is your baby and bodies way of saying slow the he** down. Remember, let the house go a bit, let hubby take care of himself a bit, sit down, have a tasty-healthy snack and love on the 2 yr. old. ( watch some Barney together). Slow down woman! :)
2007-11-13 11:04:59 · answer #5 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
would you please call every friend and family member you know and ask for help. even if it's just to come over and help you clean for one hour a day. i mean call every favor in the book. you need your sleep. there is nothing like sleep deprivation that can make you go nutts faster. then throw in a child that needs special attention and pregnancy hormones. omg. honey, you really need some extra help.
i am 6 months pregnant with a 10 month old and two older children on top of that. i am tired. so i KNOW you are about to fall apart.
2007-11-13 03:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could hire a teenager to be your "mommy's helper". Basically it's like having a babysitter once or twice a week, except they watch and entertain the kid while you do whatever it is you need to be doing.
Also, ask Dad to help out more. I'm sure he can wake himself up for a few months while you sleep in. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. You need to take care of yourself for the sake of your baby.
2007-11-13 01:40:32 · answer #7 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. People were never meant to raise children alone or even in nuclear families. We evolved in close-knit tribes like geese evolved in flocks and raising kids like this amounts to social isolation and an overwhelming burden (they were meant to be half-watched by 10 loving people or more, not full-watched by 1 or sometimes 2). I can understand how you feel, I have a 4 year old and one on the way. If you aren't willing to re-tribalize (most folks aren't) social support groups in your local area might help.
2007-11-13 01:27:48 · answer #8 · answered by E. N 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby needs to be doing more......you "get up at 3 to get your hubby up and off to work"???? That is what alarm clocks are for....you don't need to be everyone's caregiver. He can take care of himself. When he gets home he needs to do more and let you rest. We are talking about your pregnancy....anyone can chip in more for less than a year for the sake/health of you and your child.....just ask him to do more and don't take no for an answer!!
2007-11-13 01:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
see a counselor, it's ok to put the toddler in a playarn now and then, with toys to stimulate him, and tell your husband that you love him, but he will need to get up on his own in the morning so you can get rest. if you feel guilty, make him muffins before bed so he has something fresh to eat. you have to give yourself a little time
2007-11-13 01:28:56 · answer #10 · answered by kuffed_kitten82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋