Bunker oil:
The fog reverberated complications
in the steel hull’s pregnancy
as it yelped and gave birth
by concrete c-section.
The born gushed from the open belly,
spread and divided itself by waves and tides.
Millions of globules like tumor colored jellyfish
drift to sting sea lions, pelicans, cranes
dive to choke mussels, clams, crabs
rest on rocks, marsh reeds, beaches
waiting patiently for storks.
2007-11-12 15:03:03 · 5 answers · asked by Ben Watson 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Hm... I'd say it's quite understandable, it's about an oil spill right? The oil leaks out of the ship, into the ocean, and spreads all over the place. The form looks good to me. The only thing that might could use a change, in my opinion, is that the ending didn't really seem like much of an ending. Maybe adding a few additional lines that pack more punch and give your poem a lasting, final phrase that will really impact the reader.
Hope I helped. =)
2007-11-12 15:20:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi Ben,
It's good, but it lacks a punch. It's a very anti-climatic ending, and it needs some kind of insight to make it more than a very descriptive news report.
2007-11-13 03:55:39 · answer #2 · answered by Dancing Bee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
millions of, globules like, tumor colored jellyfish
what do you think?
waiting patiently for storks? by it's very existence on shore, millions of habitats are being ravaged!
2007-11-12 17:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the idea of being born by c-section is powerful enough but the hyperbole, millions of globules kind of confusing.
2007-11-13 14:49:36 · answer #4 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ending needs work
2007-11-13 09:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by aj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋