I have been with the same guy for 5yrs (never broke up once throughout this relationship). We have talked about marriage and he tells me that he wants to wait until he is 30 (propsal at 28-29)to get married, I on the otherhand would like to be engaged around the age of 26, and will wait at least 2 years to get married. I just dont know if I want to wait that long to get married. Right now we are both 23-24yrs old, and obviously do not have the money to get married anytime soon, nor can afford an apt, condo, house (you get the pic.). I guess I can understand why he wants to wait: A year ago friends of ours got married and recently had a baby, in a ton of debt, and live with her grandparents, my b/f says he does not want to start out in debt, and would like to save as much as possible before beginning a future with me. My question to you all is, how long would you wait, and does this sound like a reasonable answer that he is giving me? I love him to death and am trying to save as well.
2007-11-12 13:43:55 · 21 answers · asked by ridingis4life 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why? What is the rush? Are you in a race? Your boyfriend is wise to wait. The both of you will change so much between now and 30, it is best to wait. I felt a lot of pressure when I was your age, then I realized, "why, where is the law"? Society (for some reason) puts a huge pressure on married as soon as you graduate..blah, blah, blah. Things are fine the way they are, why will marriage make it any better? I have seen so many people get married then get divorced because they get married so young. Money is a huge issue- one of the major reasons for divorce. Your boyfriend is not hiding anything, he is just wise.
2007-11-12 14:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he seems like a smart guy. It is a good thing to have someone who wants to start your lives out the right way. Marriage and raising children is the hardest things you will do. Much harder if you are working like dogs trying to make ends meet. If your relationship is going well, just be patient. Explain that you don't want to wait that long to get married. I think around 26-28 seems like a reasonable age. That is a few years down the road. By then if you save some money and pay off debts, you should be in good shape. Don't wait too long to have kids. I had my first at 33, that is too long, should have had him around 29, 30. So explain this to him and if he is totally not ok with it, maybe he does have commitment issues. Then, if you don't have the same goals, definitely move on.
2007-11-12 21:54:35 · answer #2 · answered by andmic510 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you both are commited to each other, you just cant afford to start a marriage or a family yet. If you are going to be with him for the rest of your life, why rush things and make them more difficult along the way. Things will be much easier on you if you start out financially stable. If you dont it can and will cause alot of arguements with you. I would not put an age restriction on it though, just wait until you can afford it. Then if he still doesnt want to marry you, then you will have your answer. Waiting to be finacially stable is a very smart move though. Just be with him and enjoy your time together, you have the rest of your lives together.
2007-11-12 22:04:41 · answer #3 · answered by ize4love07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely understand that he wants to wait, because it sounds like he wants to give you a good life, not struggle like your friends. I do think 30 is to old to get married because at that time you want to be married, having a family or planning one. If he does not want to get married right away then why doesn't he ask you to and just be engaged until then there's nothing wrong with that. If you are not satisfied with that I would express how you feel, it seems by what you have told us that you have a great relationship it's most certain that you will be married. In that time just save your money..and hey ya never know he could always change his mind and you could be married sooner than you think!!!
2007-11-12 22:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by mommy08 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take into consideration that if its something that means a lot to him, then you should support him in it. If you have waited this long, there is obviously something about him you love and care about that keeps you with him. Don't look around you and try to make your life the "ideal" life or something like your friends. Do what is right for both of you. If it really bothers you that much, tell him. Relationships are to be 50/50, maybe you two can meet in the middle and come to a compromise. Great way to practice marraige ;). You should be talking to him about all of this and sharing your thoughts with him, not everyone else. Because its only you two who are going to live with all of your decisions. Is waiting 4-6 years really not worth waiting for him that your considering leaving him?! If so, maybe this isnt the issue. Best of luck!
2007-11-12 22:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do have to agree that you should definitely wait and save for when you can afford it. There are so many other more important things you NEED before you can consider the cost of marriage. In my opinion, marriage isn't too important. As long as you love each other I believe it's alright. Marriage is just an official binding of two with or without love. Then again, you can't rely always on people you don't even know online...
2007-11-12 21:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by Alex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, honey I don't think he's that into you OR he's afraid of committment. I think it's a bit unrealistic to think you will not have any debt when you start a marriage. I would be inclined to think he's stalling if I were in your shoes.
Another thought...if you are living together maybe he's thinking there's no need to get married.
Good luck, and if this guy is your true love I wish you all the very best life has to offer.
2007-11-12 22:04:14 · answer #7 · answered by butterflylover 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your boyfriend is being very reasonable.
First of all, your boyfriend is trying to make sure you are on secure financial footing before you get married. That is a wonderful thought and one that not nearly enough people have!
Also, you started dating very young and are still pretty young. I think it is a good idea to wait a while before getting married so that you can learn about each other as you continue to mature.
2007-11-12 21:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jeepers can you slow down a bit??
What is wrong with waiting a bit?
You are 24, right? Good grief, why be in such an all fired rush to get yourself hitched? Do you think that guarantees all these things you are trying to map out in life?? slow down - enjoy being a couple and building things up gradually.
2007-11-12 22:16:07 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
love is worth waiting for if you ask me. you guys are smart to save. if its worry about having a child too soon in the marriage you can always get on birth control. if i loved someone though i would wait as long as it took to get there. obviously you are not having trust issues or ex issues so there is no reason you should ditch him yet.
2007-11-12 21:51:46 · answer #10 · answered by Miss Kitty Katt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋