Parents aren't cooperating with college decision?

Question

Over the summer I'd been looking into a design college in Chicago. We currently live in Tennessee, but I want to go to college in Chicago because I love the city, I have friends there, and it's a great commercial area for the field I want to get into. My dad works at Vanderbuilt University and his job offers a tuition benefit to me and my sister for college, but the benefit doesn't take effect until 2011. My dad wants me to wait two more years (I've been out of school for almost half a year already) to go to college because by then the benefit would take off a lot of the tuition cost. But I don't want to put off my college education that long, and my parents are refusing for me to take a student loan in fear of getting myself into debt. I'm 19 and I want to start living my life now, I've never done anything to them where they wouldn't trust me. I feel like my parents don't understand. Are they being selfish, or am I? I would really appreciate any advice.

Answer 1

If you are going to rely on your parents to pay for your college education, then in all fairness you should let them have a say in the choice of school.

Being a parent of college aged kids, I see their point. But, being a graphic artist, I see yours as well. I, too would want to go to a school in Chicago rather than Vanderbilt.

What can you do? Get together as much info on your career choice as you can. Gather everything you can on the school of your choice in Chicago and how going there will help you jump start your career. Approach your parents with this ammunition and be adult about it. You are asking them to allow you to make a major decision....make sure they see you as someone capable of doing that.

Your parents my surprise you....give them a shot.

I wish you the best. Hope it works out.

Answer 2

It does sound like they are letting their personal economics get in the way. The tuition benefit could be canceled at any point in this involved scenario - my dad worked for the Univerity of Michigan and they had a discount on tuition for children when he was hired, but by the time I was old enough to use it, it had been "removed" as a benefit. Also my folks hated filling out the paperwork for student loans because the student loan program does assume your parents are going to kick in some hard cash for your future - many won't - and they also make your folks tell a lot about the family finances, and they may not want to do that, mine didn't. Your personal debt will be your own issue. There are procedures to follow when your parents refuse to cooperate with the student loan program paperwork, it sounds like you need to look into that. I think expecting you to cool your heels and spend two years with your future and your educational drive on hold is unreasonable. If you cannot afford to start on your own at the college of your choice, you can attend the local community college for two years and you will spend less total on your education - be sure to use a program and courses that will transfer to your intended final college, though. I went to Chicago and got a job at an Interiors firm after school - it is the mecca for Interiors in the Midwest.

Answer 3

You have plenty of time, and only you can decide. However, here are some thoughts. Debt as a student is almost unavoidable. Going to Chicago though will push you far beyond any financial aid and into deep debt. Your parents probably believe that $70,000++ of student loans is a bit much. Your choices are fairly straight forward.

You can attend now, full time. You will go into debt no matter how many hours you work. Trust, me I tried it, and it doesn't work. With this option, you may wish to consider ROTC. (being an officer for the military) If you agree to serve, they will provide you with free tuition and a monthly paycheck.

Take classes on the side. A class here, a class there that fits your schedule. It'll help you progress to your degree, allow you to work, and minimize your debt.

Travel, see the world. Volunteer for the Peace Corps, or Americorps if you are so inclined. It is the path less taken. These programs will sometimes offer you scholarships once you attend school.

Answer 4

They are. It is your decision. You are actually in a great position because you can go into design college in Chicago now, and then in 2011 or 2012 the opportunity will be open to you to add to your education and resume at Vanderbuilt at a cheaper tuition. Explain this to your parents. In the end, however, the decision is yours. Don't worry about having to take a loan out now, if you a serious about your education you should get a great job in the long term and be able to pay off the loan.

Answer 5

Your parents are just looking out for you...
My parents couldn't afford to help me with school-- i'm now in my 5th year. i moved away from home, and then moved back after my sophomore year, so i have to do an extra year to finish up my credits. I'm about $70,000 in debt. Its scary to think about, but i like to tell myself that its rare to find someone who doesn't have some sort of college debt. :)

Sounds like the best solution is to take some general education classes at a tech school near home-- It's the cheapest way to get ahead because you'll save A LOT of money by taking classes at a small school vs. a large university. During the 2 years, you can even get an associates in Design and then transfer to a 4 year program at a larger school. With the associates degree, you may even make some connections and be able to start working in your field before you even have your bachelor's. (Keep in mind, student loans aren't a bad thing-- they can help build your credit which is great, as long as you stay on top of things and are responsible. If you have an opportunity to save money, i wouldn't let it pass you by.)

I really don't think that it has anything to do with trusting you or not. I wouldn't say they're being selfish either-- Try to see it from your parent's perspective-- they're only trying to do what's best for you, even though you don't see it right now. I know its REALLY tempting to move away from home especially to a great city like Chicago, but try to think of things 5 and 10 years down the road. If you can buy a new car after college rather than pay off loans for the next 20 years... would waiting be worth it??

Keep your chin up and try to put yourself in their shoes. :)

Answer 6

Rachel,

I am a mother myself of a 19 yr old, and I have been trying to get him to start since may of this year, (when he graduated), I don't think you're selfish at all, as a matter if fact, it has been proven that those who put off college the odds of ever going are against them.. I am proof of that! I never started out of high school, and now I am 44 and just now started my BS in nursing. It took me four yrs to get an AS because of rearing teenagers, working, and schooling... I think you're wise to start now. You're motivated and that is awesome!
I can also see where your parents are afriad of you putting yourself into debt. but as long as your careful, choose a career that will pay your debt quickly once your finished... and access as many scholarships as possible. Is your dad an instructor at vanderbuilt? It's hard to believe they would want you to wait! Design is a very competitive field you know. If your parents have an average income you could possibly be approved for a pell. It's called FAFSA - Free Application for Federal Student Aid; The website is :
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ I beleive you have to be 21 to apply for a pell without using your parents income...but

Have your parents sit down with you and fill out the paper work... Hey it can't hurt... the worst that can happen is for them to say your not eligiable. You could be approved for up to 5000 per year. That's how I paid for mine. Also you might want to try a local college just to get your basic subjects out of the way first, then you save a bundle on out of state tuition, housing, etc... It adds up quick.. I am not far from you, Huntsville, Al, I attend UAH. Hope this helps! If I can help you any further w/info email me at [e-mail]

Answer 7

Wow ... I think my first stop would be to go to your Catholic Priest - it sounds like he might be a good deal more sensible than your parents! At least in the US, there are many people in the ministries that are trying to teach tolerance - and certainly to reject your children would be consider an extreme sin. I think you parents would be looking at their own damnation for doing this to you - and he might be the one to tell them that. Generally, most parents take a little bit - but the histrionics settle down and they realize that they don't want to lose their children. Indeed, most formerly homophobic parents magically become non-homophobic after awhile - when given the choice between remaining homophobic and losing their children or becoming tolerant and keeping their children. Mom will probably figure it out first ("My baby!" - though Dad might prevent her from doing anything about it). And frankly, if they don't come around eventually, maybe you're better off. If you are on your own and YOU CAN PROVE you are on your own, your parents are no longer an issue for obtaining scholarships. Of course, that may take some doing. These organizations are not just going to take your word for it.

Answer 8

You sound really mature for your age. Good for you for being strong enough to follow your dreams. Many people at 19 don't know where they want to be or what they want to do. I'd say, go for Chicago. Once you're out of school for a while, you lose momentum and then it's even harder to return. In college, I went through Sallie Mae and took out private loans by myself. While I will have a lot to pay off now that I'm out of school.. making the payments helps raise your credit score. Yeah, being in debt stinks... but if you land a good job, and you love what you do.. you'll pay it off. By the way, it's not selfish if your parents aren't paying. An example of being selfish is having your parents pay for your tuition and spending your college career drinking yourself into oblivion. Which doesn't sound like your situation. :) Doing what you love is what MATTERS. Good luck and stick with it.

Answer 9

Well, you should understand your parents well. Well, here are some of the main things. They want you to have a good life. They want you to be happy and be a worthwhile member of the community.

For most parents, that means having the things they think are important like a good job, enough money to buy what you need such as a nice home or holidays, some money left over for fun things, good friends and, later, a family.

They also want you to be liked by others in the community.

They want you to avoid mistakes like getting into bad habits by mixing with the wrong people, wasting money so you can’t afford things you want and not studying so you end up with a job you don’t find satisfying.

Often, they want you to share their own values and opinions.

And they want you to like yourself.

All you need to do, is sit down, and have a conversation. I am 21 and my college years are almost over. Make them understand you after you understand them. If they love you, they trust and do what is best for you.

Answer 10

I imagine they're broke and scared. That's the way parents end up when they have a couple of college age kids and no money saved. Move to Chicago, find a job, work part-time and go to school part-time. Show them you can do it, and then they won't be so afraid of your borrowing money. My daughter has been going to college since 2000 when she graduated from high school. Not there yet!!!

I agree with you. You can't put your life on hold until his benefits kick in. So start living. Living is work in case no one told you.