we have been together 8 married 6+. since july this year a slowly emotional distance and no affection for 2+ months and no sex period since late june. this is my 2nd marriage and her 1st. she is 13 yrs younger and no real career sicne she has been a stay at home mom for 3 years . she has found new friends at work , which was part time. there has been a number of times coming home late am and some times not at all. now we sleep in separate rooms and she relly does not want anythind g to do with me. i love her sooo much but how much more of the emotional abuse can i take. i think she is cheating and have seen her with other man for lunch and cell phone records ..wel long calls to other men aka friends. i had a long demanding job so i was not there emotionally for her . we tried cousiling 1x and ashe said no. you work on you and i will work on me, she needs space but for what , i am on her *** about time away from me...wht to do
2007-11-12 13:23:55 · 15 answers · asked by day 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps she's just depressed.Im sorry but it sounds like she lost interest.If she's that much younger than you maybe she feels like she wants to do more in her life and date other men.I would suggst confronting her about this ask her if she loves you or not.And suggest to go to counselling or trying to make this work if she says that she still loves you and means it and, be assertive NOT whiny.She'll just blow you off that way, and treat you once again like you mean nothing.If she doesn't love you then dump her like a sack of potatoes and move on with your life.Believe me, it is SOOO much better.
Good Luck.
2007-11-12 13:38:25 · answer #1 · answered by Jessicca Francis 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just tired. You don't say how much she works or if she is in a high stress job. That could be part of the problem. Is the marriage in good shape? That could also be part of the problem. Unfortunately, if a woman is unhappy or concerned about other problems, they don't desire having sex. It is also time for menopause either pre or active. This causes a decrease in estrogen that also could affect her desire. Or she could just be bored with it after 34 years. It dosen't mean she dosen't love you or want to be with you. I have the opposite view of most on this website. I'm sure you feel like she is being selfish, but there is an underlying problem behind this. Why don't you ask her and see what she says. I can tell you from my own experience, that my man did all the things you are saying but he pretty much ignored me the rest of the time. It became a giant turn off for me because I felt as if the only thing he wanted me for was sex. It made me feel bad and it made me feel cheap.
2016-04-03 21:50:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made the national average at least. Listen, I will never advice divorce unless there is cheating by either side. You have one choice. Stop being so suspecting and get evidence. Without this you will always be in limbo. Sure you have a crumby relationship, but, there isn't any marriage out there that can't be fixed, with the exception of cheaters. Once you find she is cheating (and she is) then get evidence, and divorce her. Only then do you have more than one option. Note: I was in your shoes 20 years ago. At that time I thought the world was coming to an end. I remarried and stayed married for 19 years! As we mature, we learn to love more efficiently!
2007-11-12 13:35:50 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are not giving her emotionally what she needs. Sometimes, people gets together because of lust instead of love. And when the lust wears off then you have this mess.
1. Send her some flowers
2. Make a date with her. Just you and her.
Do some of the things you did for her before you got married. And continue to do them. A women is easy to get bored with the same sex act. Put some freak in it. Put some fire back in to her. Good luck..
2007-11-12 13:36:49 · answer #4 · answered by jjerhes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this situation. It sucks. What you want to do is grab her, shake her, and tell her that you love her so much. Then she kisses you passionately and you make sweet love till the sun comes up.
Sorry, that was a dream. In reality, she is cheating on you. I found out my ex-fiancee was doing it as well, and it hurt like hell. I kicked her out. I had to. Save your sanity, man.
As much as it hurts now, you must pack her stuff and show her the door; otherwise, you will have to live with this forever. Also, the longer you let it go on without confronting it, the less respect she has for you.
Sorry. I know how you feel. The pain comes and goes, but eventually vanishes. Life will move on. Remember, she is not the end all be all. You will persevere.
2007-11-12 13:30:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Marriages can not stand on one leg, they need two in order to make it ago. So I would say, that she is not interested in working it out with you....you are a nice stable paycheck and a cheap babysitter so I know it's seems like the most horrible thing for you to have to go through again but I would cut her loose. And chances are whoever she is messing with are going to dump her a** as soon as you drop your foot and she has to keep kids on almost a full time basis. Yes, you may have to pay child support and possibly alimony but AT LEAST YOU HAVE YOUR DIGNITY!
2007-11-12 13:56:05 · answer #6 · answered by Time To Go 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love seems to "die" in the relationship. I went thru something similar. Do not know what your real sitaution is but will share mine:
I, or we really forgot how to communicate. Not just talk ... like in office biz talk etc, but more finding about the other persons feelings, concerns etc. After workign for sooo many hours in office, rush for time etc. I tended to use "biz:" talk back at home. It was more, ok what needs to be done, solution to the constraints, ok, agree we shall do this etc. and then jsut go get it done ... some many thigns to do and so little time to do it, that we focus on the tasks, but forget about th persons.
Your wife has feelings - have you both talked about this lately? abotu what her concerns are etc.? What is she unhappy about, what are her ambitions, aspirations?
Remember to keep the lid on th sex part and your libido ... in such a situation it gets in the way. I used to feel so pent up and frustrated cos I got littel or no sex from her too ... then I started to focus on my own hurts and felt that everythign she did was to hurt me and not sensitive about my feelings ... everything was ME ME ME and what I wanted. BUt htatwas MY mistake ... love is nto about ME, but about HER. And I dawned on me ... but it is tough to change. But knowing it is the start.
I had a little help ... attending the thing called "Marriage Encounter" ... google World Wide Marriage Encounter to check if there is one near you. It is really an avenue for sefl discovery between husband and wife. But not sure if your wife is intersted at this stage.
Well it really thot me about the basics of communciation. I you cant gt to sit down to talk with her, then I may suggest that you write a love letter. Don't accuse her ... but share your feelings, abotu your concerns ... dont ever bring up your thots about maybe she's seeign someone else ...thats like accusing her. Always remember that you are focused on building trust ... and not destroying it, any accusation is destroying trust! Also encourage her to share her feeligns and thots in writing too ... also remember that she did not have the chance reading this so she may say somethign hurtful or accusing etc... but at least now you knwo what is buggin her ... it is now what you want to do to build up the trust she has in you ... and when the trust is being built, up and communcatiosn flow better ,.. I think your relationship will begin to heal and grow. It wont happen overnite ... the Marriage Encounter which was over a weekend was just the begining of the healing journey... it took us 1+ year for the old wounds to heal ... also remember that while the wound may not hurt anymore ... scars will still remain and will take many more years for the scars to fade and be less visible ...
Wirtign about your feelings is about trustign the otehr person and potentially openign yourself to be hurt ... i.e. the other may do things to hurt you now that he/she knows your concerns and feelings etc. ... but that's what love is about .... at least in my view.
Hope what I have shared will help you in your journey.
Cheers
2007-11-12 13:58:14 · answer #7 · answered by SomeOne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yeah she is definitely cheating. Not coming home? Talking to another man, not having sex w/ you? Definitely. You need to confront her and stop being her doormat. If she isn't happy or is cheating, there is no reason to betray you. Tell her to hit the road. She obviously is a little too into herself right now. Maybe she needs to know what it is like to be alone.
2007-11-12 13:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by andmic510 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the love is gone for her. Ever think of asking her if she still loves you? If you know she doesn't then why hang on to a dead end relationship where you are clearly both unhappy. Doesn't seem like she even wants to try to re-connect. You can't make someone love you or fall back in love with you if they are not even willing to try.
2007-11-12 13:46:28 · answer #9 · answered by April First 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems she lost that loving feeling ask her if she wants out> If not then whats it going to take to make it happen> 1 of you have to make a move>
2007-11-12 14:12:54 · answer #10 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋