Why do woman who have been raped or sexually harassed feel so much shame and guilt?

Question

It's a fascinating twist in the human mind that the absolutely blameless victim feels the guilt and shame. I would like your opinion on the matter.
PS- You must understand I am not in any way judging these victims!

I wish I could give you a thumbs up Thinking for that answer, but I am only level 1. But you have an excellent point and it would be good if more people realised this and did something about it!

Good point you're adressing there Kathryn and I won't say I am so sorry for you, because that makes you the victim. I am proud of you for your determination and strenght. I must say though that you are talking about one country here, it is very different in other countries ofcourse. And here things have changed a bit sooner...

And when I say 'here' I mean the Netherlands. Sorry

Answer 1

Others have good answers, but here's one more factor.

Think about this scenario that's happened over and over: A woman is raped and it turns up on the media. Immediately, people start questioning her position. "What was she doing there anyways?" "Well, what was she wearing? Was she wearing something provacative" This is scenario is even worse when women get raped under the influence (date rape, especially). "She shouldn't have been drunk at a party with so many guys." "She should have had a group of friends watching out for each other." "What was she doing with that guy in the first place."

No one ever asks "Why did he feel he needed to rape her?" "Did something happen in his past that influenced his decision to rape?" "Is society to blame for raising men to think rape is somewhat normal?"

With all this bullcrap, why wouldn't a woman think that she's not the victim but the perpetrator?? It almost seems as if the man is the victim: "the woman was just so attractive that he couldn't help it... she was ASKING for it."

It makes me sick to my stomach. People portray rape as a 'woman's problem' and ignore the fact that it's a 'male problem' as well. After all, it's the men who started the problem in the first place!

Answer 2

There is also a reason that no one has brought up, the Judicial system. I was raped at the age of 9 in the mid sixties and my parents were told that someone had to have witnessed the act in order for them to press charges. It has only been in the last 20 to 25 years that laws like that have changed. Since men have and still do for the most part run the Judicial system it's not some thing that most of them have wanted to admit to. Which is why they made it so hard to corroborate the womens account of the rape. It's only been in the last like I said twenty year or so that things have started o change. And women have to start sticking up for them self and not acting like victims It you act like you take the blame for something that someone's done to you that every one will think that you have something to be blamed for. If it ever happened to me again I would refuse to take the victims role and I would advocate for myself by letting my name be but in the paper or on the news, I wouldn't let myself be intimidated by someone who has to get his sense of strength from controling someone instead of loving someone.

Answer 3

Rape victims aren't easily identified with. It's not socially acceptable to be raped in many cultures. The woman is sometimes given blame for the crime bc of not having an escort or being dressed in an alluring way.

Answer 4

There is always the thought that somehow you could have done something more to protect yourself. Not going out, dressing a bit differently, not going to that party. It isnt right but being raped does some crazy things to your mind. You feel dirty and that is something that doesnt go away.

Answer 5

Because this people have been abused and think that are depreciated by others. They feel dirty and can´t find their space as normal persons

Answer 6

I don't understand it, either. After all, they haven't done anything wrong.