My sister and her husband were going through a separation. This weekend he shot himself. Why did he do this?

Question

He knew that he had a family who loved him. He had four children under the age of 9. Was he selfish to do this? Was it that he didn't want to lose her? Why did he have to die a violent death? He was only 30 yrs old.

Answer 1

More then likely he had other issues before this one. Getting a divorce would not make a sane person want to die. It would hurt yes, but it takes a person going through some personal issues to take it this far. He must have had depression before the split. It is a selfish thing to do, very selfish when children are involved. They will always wonder if they had something to do with it. And your poor sister must blame everything on herself. I mean she was the one getting divorced from him. He wanted to end his suffering, but only caused major suffering for everyone else that knew him. People tend to ask why when a person dies but you can't do that, its not really healthy to wonder why, you need to see that nothing could have been done to save him. If he wanted to die he would have gotten his wish either way. Tell your sister to be strong and remember she was not the one who pulled the trigger so it is not her fault he died. It will never be her fault!

Answer 2

My condolences go out to your sister, the kids and your entire family. This is such a sad tragedy. I just do not know what I would do if something like this happened to me and my husband and ONCE it almost did. When a person chooses to take their own life they are feeling the kind of desperation that no one can understand. They truly think that nothing is gonna get better for them, they feel useless to their family, they feel as though their family would be better off without them and they feel just hopelessly lost. They do not STOP and think about things changing or things getting better. I believe that sometimes the person is just so overhwelmed with hurt, depression, revenge, regret, animosity, hatred, love and anger that they are actually willing to do the ultimate act to prove the depths of their love for the person hurting them. It may be, in their, mind a way to prove how far they were willing to go to get out of the pain and anguish that a seperation or divorce is causing them. Sometimes they do it simply out of revenge, the ultimate revenge is making someone feel responsible to putting you into such a state of mind that you'd end your life. Unfortunately, unless they leave a note behind no one will ever truly know what was goung through their mind. I can only assume why your brother-in-aw would have done such a selfish act. I say a selfish act because he has 4 young children for crying out loud! This is a time that your sister and your neices & nephews need you! God bless you and your family.

Answer 3

That is terrible!! Most probably he knew he had lost your sister for ever, depending on what caused the separation. Worst still, have you thought about child support for four children and alimony? he would have had to leave the home for them, and start his whole life afresh. Not many people have the will power to focus only on the positive side of things you see.
No matter how bad or hopeless the situation was, taking his life was a very dreadful exit. No matter what anyone say or think, he will be the best person to say why.
Hope your sister keeps up well. sooooooooo sad!!

Answer 4

The pain of his marriage problems was so great that it exceeded his ability to cope with pain.

I was almost to that point two years ago after discovering my wife's infidelity. I can't begin to describe how painful that was, and how badly I beat myself up and blamed myself. It's a horrible crisis to go through, and most people don't think clearly during the drama of it all. I'm still recovering. Obviously, not everyone who goes through infidelity or divorce commits suicide, but those who I've spoken with (who truly loved their spouse and were shocked when their spouses turned on them) have said they also came very close. I don't know what the details of his life were (other than losing his wife, and probably the house and kids with her -- his family), but simply put, it's because the pain for him became too much to handle. It's all about the pain and nothing else. Not revenge. Not a better afterlife. The pain wears you down. It's just this need to want to stop feeling anything at all and get relief by going to sleep and not having to ever wake up again.

People trained in suicide prevention know how to relieve some of that pain and get a person to cope again. It's too bad he didn't find someone like that to talk to first as it might have helped. I am very sorry for your family's loss.

Answer 5

His problems were deeper than her. It could be many different things. Some people cant accept the failure of a marriage and long road ahead of starting over. It could be secret drug, alchol or gambling problems. Four kids under 9, the possibility of the courts childsupport and alimony could be over whelming. Maybe the guy was teriffied of taking care of himself..... the list goes on, now it could be that he didnt want to lose her, but more likely the problems were deeper and his life may have been like an onion, with a new beneath each layer that is peeled off.

Answer 6

Because depression is a serious illness. He didn't know what he was doing really. It has nothing to do with being selfish. And I am sure no one thought it was anything other then being depressed because of the separation. But clinical depression consumes your life, he really didn't do this to hurt anyone, he just wanted the pain to end I am sure. Do what you can to be there for your sister and her children. They will be hurting for a long time over this, and when the kids get old enough to under stand then they should be told that he did this because he was sick.

Answer 7

This is very sad. I think that some people have a very week moment, they cannot think about anyone, not even themselves. I am sure that he knew his family loved him, but not at that moment. He could not think of anything. Unfortunately he had a mental break down. One will never know what went through his mind minutes before this happened. Just be there for your sister and her children as they will all need a lot of support right now. Do not question why. Just reinforce to those children that their dad loved them very much. I am sorry very sorry...best of luck!

Answer 8

this is the last place you should look for answers, I mean read some of this crap from these losers, they dont have a clue what happened but they all have an opinion. Like an ****ole.everyone has one. Truth is the guy was terribly disturbed, anyone who shoots themselves is. It does NOT MATTER why, the fact is he was a seriously disturbed person. dont listen to any of these idiots on here, just try to be a help to the kids (forever) and his wife. good luck.

Answer 9

unfortunately when things like this happen we will never know why they did it.It was selfish cause now the children will not know their father and worse what IF they would need him for medical reasons in the future.He probably was lost emotionally and also trying to figure out just HOW would he survive paying child support for that many years can combined with the sadness of LOVE lost.

Answer 10

I don't think a person gets up in the morning and decides to kill themselves. There had to be something else that he felt but didn't share with anyone else. I fear that your sister may blame herself for his death but she has to understand that he did not share the demon that was driving him or they could have possibly saved the marriage, or at least could have talked about it. She may even look back and now see what she thinks may have been warning signs but he did not share those with her and would have probably denied those things if she had brought them up to him.
She has to think of this as a mental illness, just as cancer is a physical one and she could no more have cured his illness unless he had talked to her about that, than she could cure cancer if he were to have died from that instead of the suicide. You and your sister both have my sympathy.