How can I get him to come for his visits when he should?

Question

My ex husband & I live about 3 1/2 to 4 hours away from each other. We have a son together & in the divorce decree it states that he gets the 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekends of the month for visitation. He hasn't come to see him since September. When we went before the judge on the day our divorce was finalized both of our lawyers asked us under oath if everything in the decree was in the best interest of our child & we both said yes. Is there anything I can do to make him start coming to see him when he is supposed to since he agreed to it? This is ridiculous that I have to be the only one raising our son. I know that he'll probably use some lame excuse that he's working or something. I'm just trying to figure out how to word it so that he might step up & start doing what's right. I called him a couple of weeks ago & he never called me back...and last night I texted him & asked him to please call or text me back so we can talk about our son & no response. I am fed up.

Answer 1

How can I get him to come for his visits when he should? - In court, not really. Visitation is allowed or provided for the visitor, not ordered. He does not violate the order by failing to visit.

It is a shame he is not interested in visiting his son. I would have done anything to have an ex that was as supportive of visitation as you.

Answer 2

You are trying to dictate behavior of another person, which is inherently set up for failure.

He has to figure out what parent he is going to be in his own. He's processing a divorce. He is not actively raising his child. He's trying to find direction in his life. EIther he will get on board sooner or later, or not at all.

Your only role in that, is to continue to extend the opportunity. Some day your husband will have to be accountable to his child and you want to at lesat demonstrate that you always took the high road in this mess.

If you continue to force the issue, it may appear to both your ex or your child that you are a souce of the problem and not the solution.

There are a ton o f reasons why fathers become absent from their child's lives. Not all are good, not all are bad. They are just reasons. Don't be judgmental. You lost that right when you terminated the marriage. His relatonship with the child is his own to keep straight.

Keep the lines of communication open. If you desire to take your child somewhere on his weekend, or would like to do something withouth the child on his visitaiton weekend, send it to him in a letter/e-mail. He either will or won't, buty you've done the best you can.

And let's be realistic...him seeing his child 4-6 days out of the month is not really "raising the child." If he saw his child the maximum allowable time...you are STILL the only one "raising" the child. That's the reality of the custody fight.

Bottom line: You can compel support, but you cannot compel visitation.

Answer 3

You are really upsetting yourself over a situation that you have absolutely no control over. If your ex wanted to see his son that would be his first priority. It is obviously not the case...he is involved in his life and his life is 3 to 4 hours away from his son.

You are the primary caregiver for the child that you have in common. Your ex has no input into that situation nor apparently does he want any.

At some point in time he may want to reconnect..but historically that is rather doubtful. Keep the door open and make sure that your son understands totally and completely, without trashing your ex, that it is your ex's choice not to see his son and that your son has nothing to do with his father's choices or decisions. And you need to just let this go and get on with your life rather than being angry and upset over your ex's choices.

Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 4

It could well be that he wants to put this marraige to you in the past and move on.
Does his not responding to your text messaages and phone calls tell you this????

Answer 5

If it is the drive then offer to meet half way.