There is this disabled man at church. He is in a wheelchair. He has polio. Everytime I look at him or pass him I get all shaky and walk awkwardly (sp?) . I think it is because I feel that if he sees me doing things he can't do he would feel bad that he can't do what I'm doing. Is this a normal way to feel towards disabled people? And by the way I won't look at him because I think that he thinks I am staring at him because he is different. The funny thing is that I would love to go up to him and start a conversation, but I can't get myself to do that. I also think that he thinks I am mean because I don't smile or talk, but it is because I am extremely shy. I wish I could just tell him that and become friends. I don't know how to solve this problem. Please help me.
2007-11-12 08:02:50 · 28 answers · asked by ☮♥☺♪♫☼ 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ People with Disabilities
Just introduce yourself and start talking to him, what put him in his chair is not contagious. He may thank you for it and will appreciate it.
2007-11-12 08:08:59 · answer #1 · answered by kittie_in_ca 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not all people in wheelchairs are the same. Some have adjusted to their disabilities a long time ago and some are just starting the journey. Some are kind and sweet, some are self absorbed. The point is you can't possibility know what goes on in a disabled person's mind without giving out that first, approachable smile and seeing where it leads. Take a leap of faith and just do it.
My husband has been wheelchair bound 7 1/2 years and he passed the mourning-your-loses stage of acceptance a long time ago. That stage of learning to acceptance a disability can make a disabled person angry or envious, but that doesn't usually last more than a year. My husband absolutely loves it when people treat him like everyone else and if they start a conversation with him, it brightens his whole day.
Don't be frightened to talk to a person in a wheelchair. The worst case scenario is that you'll get a grumpy reply and the best case scenario is you'll met a man like my husband who is an upbeat, inspirational person. The odds are good that you'll get the latter.
2007-11-12 14:37:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are getting yourself in a fluster over nothing. Take small steps towards your main goal....having a conversation. The next time you see him say "Hello" or "Hi" and smile too. You never know that might be all the encouragement needed and he might strike up a conversation with you! When you leave the church do the same thing again but with a "bye" and a smile. Please don't be flustered around disabled people whether they are in a wheelchair or not. Speaking from personal experience it would be much better to smile and say something than not do anything or he might well think you are staring. I was in a wheelchair for over 8 years and the amount of times that people just stood and looked or turned away before eye contact could be made was quite funny sometimes, from where I was sitting, but at other times it was blooming annoying. Treat disabled people exactly the same way as able-bodied people, please. This man is no different to any other man really. Do you know anyone at the church who you could ask to introduce him to you or you to him....that might be a way to break the ice. Good Luck and God bless xx
2007-11-17 04:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really now, most disabled people aren't going to get all worked up because they see someone stand up or walk down the isle or do any of the things they can't. Most disabled people can do the same things nondisabled people can do. We just do it differently. Don't think of him as a man who can't walk. Think of him as a man who rolls instead of walking... Rolling = walking. It is not less than walking.
I am blind, but I don't get upset when my sighted friends play video games around me. My blind friends and I play audio games. I don't get mad when they use a computer. I use one too with text to speach programs that converts whats on screen to audio. I don't get mad when they read books, or watch television, or go to movies. I do all those things. I don't get offended if a friend gives me a christmas gift or something that I'd need to see like a picture or clothes that look nice or something. I can still enjoy decorating my home or wearing things that apparently look nice, and that I think feel nice. Disabled people can do all the same things you do. Only in a different way. One thing we don't do differently though is socialize. Don't be afraid of him thinking you're staring or being offended. I'd rather be stared at and know that someone realizes I exist--even if they only realize it because I'm disabled--than to be the person in the back of the building that so-and-so won't even give the time of day too. If you think about it, you would probably feel the same way. His disability could be a good conversation starter. If you feel awkward about talking to him BECAUSE he's disabled, go up to him, say hi, and be sincere and honest in saying "I would have introduced myself sooner, but I was a little intimidated. I never met anyone who uses a wheelchair before." Just be honest. We like that. What we dont like is being treated differently, or being felt sorry for.
2007-11-12 17:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by i_come_from_under_the_hill 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are some very good answers here. Please consider them well.
My thoughts on all this:
"I feel that if he sees me doing things he can't do he would feel bad that he can't do what I'm doing" I can assure you that he DOES NOT feel that because you are NOT the only person he sees everyday that can do things he can not. He would certainly have accepted this fact long before you even know of him.
He is part of your congregation - go up and say hello. You should get to know him just like you should know other members of your church.
Just talk to him like you would talk to anyone else. Being in a wheelchair does not make him dumb nor having polio makes. He probably has quite normal intelligence (or may be even smarter than some of us)
2007-11-12 19:04:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First - just as a matter of information he does not have polio. He has post-polio syndrome. Polio is a disease children are now vaccinated against and it only happens to children who are not vaccinated. Children became well and then over time became disabled by the way their body stopped working.
Meeting someone to talk to them in a public place like church where other people know you might be too hard for you. Why don't you send him a letter telling him how shy you are, but that you would really like to get to know him. Ask him if he would join you for coffee at a coffee shop (your treat). If you set up the time to be 2PM - arrive at 1:45PM so you can relax and not have to 'walk'.
2007-11-12 08:21:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You attend the same church?
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?
It just really irritates me to see all these pitiful answers! If you profess to be a Christian(at least by stating you attend church), then act like one and show some compassion! The man is not a leper! When you slight ANYONE that is discrimination! All the reasons you give for slighting him, are mere excuses! Shy has nothing to do with it! If you truly wanted to talk to him, you would. It's your loss if you don't! You will not go blind by looking at him and smiling!
There will probably be some who read my answer and want to give me a thumbs down and why, because the truth hurts!
2007-11-14 07:12:14 · answer #7 · answered by Gramms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a disable too!!!!!what you are doing is wrong!!he would like you to trait him like a normal person co use that's what he is!!!!!you don't have to be nice to him just look at him like all the others!if you want to come close and speak to him start like anybody !!!!!!!first time smile and the second and then the third time go and say goodmorning and tell him what ever comes to your mind!!!!!!!!but don't saw that you are doing this because you feel sorry for him!!!!!!!!!he isn't different from your brother your cousin or your friend !!!!!!!the way you speak to them speak to him also!!!!!good luck!!!!!!
2007-11-14 03:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by konstantinos1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am disabled. My lungs don;t work and i have to use oxygen. I much prefer to be talked to than stare;d at. Go talk to him. He may enjoy the company just like you. As far as feeling bad he can't do what you can this is most likely not the case. A lot of people that are disabled are far more understanding than most.
2007-11-12 14:27:11 · answer #9 · answered by Roy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad has had polio since 1973, Just treat him like any normal person, he has probably had it for a long time. My dad pays no attention what soever to somebody staring at him. The man probably does feel your uneasiness but he doesn't want to embarrass you. After all these years, he sees it as all about you, not him. So go up a say hi, he has accepted his life as it is, now you have to accept yours, after all these years, he's not different anymore.
2007-11-12 12:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by victor 7707 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are different types of disabled people in this world. First off I would speak to him,because you have been staring at for sometime, and he probably knows why you look at him. But the best thing you can do is get over your shyness and speak with this person directly and get to know him for him. I guarrantee that this man has been stared at through his whole life and your helping him by staring.
2007-11-12 10:15:58 · answer #11 · answered by Geoff (sugarbear) 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋