Should I call off my engagement?

Question

I've been engaged for seven months and I do love my fiance but I am going through huge changes in my life and I don't want it to hurt her. Sometimes I think that she would be better off without me and I've thought about calling off the engagement. I don't know what to do. Is it better to hold onto someone, even when you think that your life could ending hurting her emotionally, or just let her go and let her go on with her life.

Answer 1

If your doubts are bad enough for you to ask strangers here on Yahoo then you are definitely not ready for marriage to her.

Tell her you want to post-pone the engagement for now till you get things in your life straightened out and see where it goes from there.


Good Luck

Answer 2

I would keep the engagement on for now, particularly since there seems to be no other problem than huge changes. Depending on the changes, you might move the date. Marriage is about commitment, love, and trust. Going through these changes would be better if you went through them with your fiance there. Yes, it will be hard, and yes, it will hurt both of you, though it is not your intent. But in the end, the two of you and your relationship come out that much stronger. You want to marry this woman one day? Then stick with her. How will she be able to trust you if you call off an engagement when things get tough? She loves you and has agreed to make the vow to stay with you, for better or worse. You made that commitment when you asked her to marry you. No matter what comes up, nothing will mean more to her than your decision to stay with her because you love her that much. Nothing.

Answer 3

There are no clear answers to this question. If your ex sells the house before he's lived in it for 2 years, he'll have to pay capitol gains taxes. If all were fair, he'd reimburse you the full $50K, but since you've lived in the house for almost a year, he needs to reimburse you for all expenses except mortgage payments (consider those payments rent), and move into the house for 2 years (it has to be his primary residence for 2 years before he can sell it with no capitol gains taxes). He may need to take on a room mate or two to be able to make the payments, but the house is his. He may sue you but I don't think he'd be able to win any suit. When it comes down to it, he should have realized back in November that he was buying a house for better or worse. An engagement is not a legally binding contract these days. Next time, wait until you actually get married before buying the house.

Answer 4

The more your engagement is seriously getting, the more you are having doubts. Sometimes, people do get scared because they are scared that they will get hurt in the end as well. You need to talk things through with your fiancee about how you feel before calling off the engagement. Let her know how you feel and if after you talked it out with her and you still feel doubts, than you are not ready for marriage. Just let her know how you feel....she deserves to know the truth rather than be happy with a lie.

Answer 5

You need to be more specific,

If your having feelings for another woman, then
I would look deep in your heart,


If you feel guilty being with this other person, then its because you know what you are doing is WRONG, and need to stop

Your fiance is the right way to go, as she would NEVER steer you wrong,

every decision she makes is for the Long haul, in preparation for the future for both of you,

If this is a career change then , you should let her decide if she wants to stay with you,

even if its a long distance thing,

If its an illness, Well again its her choice to stay with you, isn't that what marriage is all about?

If your an addict then, again its her choice to stay or go.

I hope this helped you a little
as I said, you weren't very specific about the CHANGES
so I tried to comment on the topics I thought it might be.

Good luck

Meg

Answer 6

Well, it really deoends on whether or not these changes occuring in your life are going to affect her in a negative way. One thing you musn't do is underestimate her ability to help you through this hard time. You guys obviously love each other ot else you would not be engaged. Right? Sometimes making the decision ourselves that someone "would be better off without us" is our way of copping out and getting off the hook. Ya know? If you do not want to be with your finace anymore then be honest with her and be honest with yourself. If you are unsure of this upcoming marriage then postpone or cancel the engagement out of respect for your fiance. You certainly don't want to go into a lifetime commitment having doubts. That is not fair to either of you.
As far as these changes you are going through: My husband and I lean on each other when we are having turmoils in our lives. I don't know what I would do without him if he was not there for me to lean on and help me make my decisions. I am also always there for him. When he is going through anything, I mean anything, there is nothing I would not do to help him. We have both made decisions over the past 10 years that have not been good for our relationship and we have noth hurt one another, but we worked through it and came out of it stronger and more bonded. If you can't see you and your finace standing by each other no matter what then that is what should make you second guess this marriage. If you truly and deeply love this woman then give her the benefit of the doubt that her love for you will endure whatever changes you are going through. If you are unsure of the depth of your feelings or unsure about taking the relationship to the level of marriage then that is the only thing you should take into account when making a decsion regarding the future of this relationship. Please don't ever tell her that you are letting her go on with her life so you will not hurt her. That is sohurtful to say to someone. It is like you are not respecting the fact that she can make her own decisions and you have to make them for her. Good luck. Do what is best for you but don't sugarcoat the reasons behind it. Be honest either way.

Answer 7

As long as your life changes don't involve you being involved with someone else, there is nothing love can't endure. Talk to her and explain your cicumstances, give her the choice. If your changes are so bad, you could probably use the support and love she has to offer. It shows that you truely love her that you would ask the question in the first place. If your life changes are because of serious illness, I know I would rather stay (if I was her) and have whatever time I could have with the one I loved. I wish you and her the very best!

Answer 8

You think she would be better off without you , but what does she think ? In any relationship you both need to want to be there and want the other person to be there too.

You should sit down and talk with your fiance and tell her whats concerning you. Let her know that you would understand if she wants to call it off , even temporarily. Then see what she has to say .

Answer 9

I would let her know what changes you are going through and let her decide if that is something she is willing to stick with you through. In my opinion, when you get engaged to someone, it is that moment that you have commited to spend your life with that person, through thick and thin. The wedding is just making it legal.

Answer 10

If there is ANY doubt about marrying your fiance...You should call off the engagement.....You will regret it if you follow through with the marriage and end up hurting her...better to hurt her now...than to hurt her later after you have made your vows...

Answer 11

Call it off--today. The sooner, the better. Every guy I know who called off the wedding in advance, was waaaay happier in the long run. Get out while it's still cheap.

Yes, you'll hurt her, but you need to picture yourself sitting at an expensive table beside two expensive attorneys wearing expensive suits while you divide the CD collection.