Ok, I posted a week ago, asking about my family and husband not getting along. Well, the thing is, my family only chooses to see/hear what he has done to me, and ignore what I've done to him. So, they don't like him. And he's hurt that I told them everything, one-sided. So, I'm in a pickle! I want them to see him the way I do now.
My sister is in a very important play at a community theater. I want to go, but my whole family is going to be there. I'm nervous that my family will be crappy toward my husband and that my husband will be uncomfortable.
Any ideas on what I can do to keep things smooth? I don't want a confrontation, but I don't want my husband to think that I don't respect him. AAA!
2007-11-12 07:12:10 · 18 answers · asked by Hick Chick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When it comes to marriage problems, you should probably continue discussing any problems you have with him and not with your family. Things like this will happen when you do. They will tend to defend your words with everything you say. Instead....from now on, say the good things your husband does for you to your family. And bring him. If you want to go, you should bring him too. Don't let your family stop you and your husband from breaking you away from family activities. Let your husband know what to expect when you go first though...and let him decide whether or not he would want to go.
2007-11-12 07:20:18 · answer #1 · answered by dr. phillian here.. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well theres not much you can do now that you told you family all of your business. What did you think was going to happen? they are your family and dont want to see you hurt. Go to the play but sit away from your family if your husband goes. If they are mean to him and you want this to work between you and your husband then maybe you need to stay out of contact with your family for a few weeks or so and let them see the errors of their way and see that he is not that bad to you
2007-11-12 07:21:14 · answer #2 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did this, so go to the theater play without him and explain your feelings toward the family when you appear alone at the event. Your husband will thank you for not putting him on the spot again. Next time, do not discuss private things between your husband and you with your family.
2007-11-12 07:22:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've created quite a tricky situation for yourself.
I don't blame your husband for being hurt with what you've done. What you've done has hurt the trust in your relationship--which is the thing you need to focus on right now.
Rather than worry about how your family views your husband, you need to start thinking about how your husband views you after what he probably sees as a betrayal.
If he doesn't want to spend time with your family, you have to accept AND RESPECT his feelings. You created this situation for him, don't create another bad situation for him by forcing him to go face the people he knows are distrustful of him.
So, why not take a step back and forget about your sister's play and focus more on how to heal your relationship with your husband. The place to start is with him--find out from him what it will take to restore trust.
2007-11-12 07:19:08 · answer #4 · answered by Tikva 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with everyone. Tell you family that you have only been telling them one side and that you are bothered by it. Explain that you give as good as you get and tell them some of the things you do and make a point to only tell them good things from now on.
Tell your husband that you are sorry for telling him the things they have said, you had not meant to hurt him. Then tell him that you were shortsighted in not telling your family the whole story. Let him know you are fixing the situation and hope that he will forgive them and start over.
Good Luck
2007-11-12 07:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think they would make a scene just out of respect for you and for what the night might mean and truly represent for your sister...The main key is to try in the future not to give them a negative feedback of your husband because although you should be able to talk to your family they will only form a bad opinion from what he has done to you..You might want to let them know in advance that he will be in attendance so that they are aware...Who knows they may see him in a different light...It might turn out good....
2007-11-12 09:19:31 · answer #6 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can go to the event,but sit off with you and your husband. you can be nice and polite to everyone,no need not to ! but the fact of the matter,it takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to break one. i agree with some of the other answers you have here,as long as he is not hurting you ,and i don't mean hurting your feelings or things like that...this is your marriage, this is who you want to be with,you live with him, your family doesn't.in a marriage, it God first,husband (hopefully a good husband because then he puts YOU first) so it just works ! then it your kids...its just right that way. i don't mean perfect, you'll still have times of not agreeing and not getting along,that's a given !! but don't let your family dictate your relationship with you and your husband,not one of them who has been or are in a relationship now,or marriage asks for yours or your husbands approval do they ? i kinda doubt it. people ,family ,are supposed to be loving and kind, not judge mental.your husband is not perfect, and neither are you so there.it called live and learn.if you really love this man and he really loves you...then you do right by you and him, because out of true love does not come devious ways, so neither of you are going to purposely hurt the other.
2007-11-12 07:40:36 · answer #7 · answered by crazartgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
damage has been done.if he is big enough to go to the play and ignore the crappiness kudos to him.they want to protect you and think you are always in the right.from now on keep your private business private .you cant vent how bad he is one day then the next week change your mind and try to comvince the same people you told he was a monster to that he is not.he has a right to feel betrayed you told your business how would you like him discussing your sex life?after all it is a part of te relationship and just as private
2007-11-12 07:19:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your family truly cares about you, they should not make a scene, especially at something such as the play you are describing. If they must be immature and outwardly "snag" him instead of just agreeing to disagree, there is a time and place for that. but certainly not something so significant~
2007-11-12 07:16:53 · answer #9 · answered by maabmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your family respects YOU they will respect the choice you make in bringing your husband to the play. They aren't married to him you are...if he isn't hurting you then it's not their business anyway.
2007-11-12 07:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋