Hi
I am new here I need honest advice , I have been married 15yrs, and while my husband was working out of town he meet this women in a bar--- while one thing led to another and he is involved with her. I was so stunned , I asked him why? He replied we have nothing in common, I do not like his friends, I spend too much money, He has not be happy in years.... Everyone we know can not beleive his excuses for what he has done. this girl only knew my husband 3 weeks and she decided to move in with him. Well it has been a hard 2 months---- Just recently my husband and I started talking ... My husband can not look me in the eye when we talk at times. I assume he is filled with guilt. He said he did not mean for this to happen, I am such a good person, and He loves me.
So he heard last week I was having health issues, so he came over-- I asked him how he was doing he said Im doing--- which gave me the impression life is not so grand with this women, I heard she is total
2007-11-12 07:03:31 · 18 answers · asked by mm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Look, if you want things to work out your marriage can be saved....any marriage can be saved but you have to own up to things you did to hurt your marriage too. You know as well as anyone else that this isn't a one-sided thing. Sure he was a big dumb jerk that had an affair and he can't justify what he did but a strong marriage (truly strong) doesn't have something like this happen....
Sounds to me like you just need to say to him: I am filing for divorce, before I do I want to give us one more chance...if you come back we can work this out....and mean it.
People sometimes fail to realize that being married you are each other's lover, friend and life partner. If he has failed you in everything, that doesn't mean you have to fail him...
That being said, you are totally justified in hitting the road if you want to...sounds like he is having a destructive midlife crisis.
2007-11-12 09:43:56 · answer #1 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your recent health issues I hope all works out for you...as far as your husband goes 1st thing this was not your fault and do not let him or anyone else try to put the blame on you...this sounds like the grass is always greener complex and he just found out that its not and wants to come crawling back...IF you choose to take him back than you should let him know that he has broken a VERY BIG TRUST FACTOR with you and the 2 of you are going to need to go to counseling in order for this to have a chance.....if you are willing to take him back..I do believe in giving people second chances but he not only cheated on you but blamed you for the reason why he did.... he also went beyond a one night stand SHE MOVED IN WITH HIM!!!!! Honey God Bless you you have a hard decision to make here but is one that only you can make.....let me ask you something.....is this a regular part of your husbands job...the traveling? if so will you be able to ever again feel secure in your marriage when he has to go away again???? its something to think about.....trust is a hard thing to get back...I'm sure he does feel guilty but because this girl turned out to be a dud and he knows that he not only did something that is unforgivable but he said some pretty harsh things as well in trying to justify his actions.....Good Luck to you
2007-11-12 07:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK so what are you asking? Do you want him back? Should you forgive him? Should you leave him? Do you WANT to leave him?
I think you should go in for some serious counseling - both of you - but if he won't then you go alone.
Personally, I would forgive him - unconditionally. BUT I would also NOT want him back. He cheated on you once - quite easily I might add- and then proceeded to blame his infidelity on YOU.
Believe me he will do this again - and once again, it will be your fault.
This is what counseling will help you sort out.
I hate to sound like I'm dismissing your pain - but you really do need some good professional counseling.
Remember, the sun rose and set the day he left you. It will rise and set tomorrow too. Don't think you can't go on without him - and you will probably be better off without him.
2007-11-12 07:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If yu believe that you can make this work then go for it.Ask your husband if eh would like to try counseling. If he says yes then the girl needs to move out of his house so you 2 can give it an honest try. Sounds like he was lonley always being gone with work and things got out of hand with this other woman. Also if you guys do get back together he needs to stop traveling so much.... BEST OF LUCK TO YOU
2007-11-12 07:18:31 · answer #4 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously, he is wrong, no matter what for his actions. But if you look back, do you see anything that you were doing wrong constantly??Maybe you were not being his friend. listening to him, admiring him, being warm in and out of bed, taking care of yourself, making sure your the most exciting person he knows?? these are all so important. Maybe you were doing something wrong, which never okays what he did, but sometimes, that leads to messes like this. If you want to get back with him, communicate with him about exactly why, and really look at your self and see if any changes should have been made. If you think there were some changes to be made, change them for the better and move on to somethiong better with him. BUT.....if you were his dearest, bestest freinf, and encourager,companion, good lover, and he did all this to you just for sex..I'd leave him for a while till he knows what a fool he was, or maybe just for good
2007-11-12 07:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by blakesgal 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be extra good to him. If he is your husband, you two should talk things out first before anything. And if he is living with this chick, you should probably tell him to decide whether he wants to be with you or with her to make life a little more simpler for you. If he chooses you, there needs to be some changes in him and in you....you must learn to forgive, but don't let him step over you. And he must learn to appreciate you more. Hope all goes well for you.
If he chooses her, than you should just move on and try to make the best out of your experiences. Everything happens for a reason. To help you grow in life and become stronger!!!
2007-11-12 07:11:26 · answer #6 · answered by dr. phillian here.. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not sure what advise you are looking for.....You and your husband have 15 years together...Only you know for sure if your marriage is worth fighting for....Yes he cheated and ended up living with this woman....It is possible that he realizes that he made the biggest mistake of his life and is feeling unworthy of your love....You need to ask yourself if there is something there to salvage in your marriage....and if there is....Both of you need to seek counseling so you can get your marriage back on track and work to rebuild the trust that has been broken...I wish the best for you .......
2007-11-12 07:20:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even be considering taking this looser back? You deserve so much better than that. Every woman does. If he is cheating on you with some dumb broad he met in a BAR he will cheat again and again. End it now. Sorry but it's the truth.
2007-11-12 07:14:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The grass always seems greener on the other side. If you still love him, and can forgive him, then make it easy for him to come home. Just tell if if things are not working out you would like another chance to make your marriage work.
Good Luck
2007-11-12 07:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-24 02:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋