Please help out I need input....?

Question

Let me start out by saying my parents got divorced a couple years ago I am 23 and have a younger brother of 18. My brother lives with my mom and is going to school. My dad makes a six figure income which will be relavent here in a moment. My dad does not have to pay child support anymore for my brother because he is 18. My brother lives with my mom and she takes care of all his living expenses while he is in school such as, food, clothes, household stuff, gas, tuition, spending money, doctors bills etc.... My dad does not pay anything and refuses to take care of my brothers living expenses. My mom is requesting that he helps out because he is his son as well and pay half but he refuses and it is making my mom really financial unstable. What is your input on this please. By the reason they divorced is because he cheated on her a couple times after 25yrs of marraige.

Answer 1

In the original divorce decree your mom should have had it stipulate that he paid until the age of 21 as long as the child was at home and still in school.

I am afraid that your mom really can't make him pay since he is not embarassed by the fact he pays nothing.

Good Luck

Answer 2

I understand the financial strain this is putting on your mom, but frankly your dad's financial obligation has ended. What she may want to do is seek an attorney. Several states require child support up to the age of 21. She may be able to get some help.

But what is your brother contributing? Is he working at all? He may need to take less classes and work more to help with the bills. If he works hard at school, he can be eligible for scholarships to provide additional money to his student loans.

Your brother should be the one to go ask his father for assistance. He should go in with his goals and why he needs the support. Your father may be doing this just to spite your mother and making your brother suffer in the process.

This may be extreme, but you may need to cut you fther out of your life. He isn't much of a father anyway and looks at you children as an obligation he no longer has to fulfill. Since he won't provide the assistance that most parents gladly help with, don't provide the other things families routinely do, like time.

Answer 3

It is your mom's choice if she wants to pay for his schooling and living expenses beyond 18 (unless he is still in high school). Either way, he is old enough to get a job and help your mom out with his bills. I think that your brother is taking advantage of your mom. Did your dad pay for your schooling, living expenses, food, gas, spending money, etc? Tell your brother to get up and get a job, there are a lot of kids who's parents won't even e hlp them out as much as your mom does and they are financially stable. Teach him a lesson, make him work for the things he has.

Answer 4

Your dad is really being a jerk about this. Your brother's not wanting to help out financially is part of his anger/rebellion against your dad for what he did. Divorce causes even adult children huge developmental setbacks.... whereas most 18 yr. olds would be anxious to be independent, he's gonna want to live at home for a while. I know - my hubby's litte sister (19) lives with us, and all three of them (hubby has a 24 yr. old brother - he's 25) all went through hell after the divorce, and a period of really not being able to take care of themselves financially. Even though it is a huge financial burden on your mom, I think to save the relationship she should try to help him. My hubby's parents were also married for almost 25 years, and Mom's BEST FRIEND was who he cheated on her with. However Mom helped all three of the kids, to her OWN financial demise (lost her house, lost pretty much everything, now lives in a trailer) and little by little they are all getting back up on their feet emotionally and financially, and are doing well. Everyone just needs time to heal, and that is better done together than apart. There's already enough brokenness - don't break what relationships are still precious there.

Answer 5

What I'm about to say may sound harsh, but it's fact. Your dad was only responsible up to the age of 18 according to the divorce stipulation---he is done. Your mother does not have to continue to buy your brother clothes, gas, or spending money because technically he is an adult and should be doing more and more for himself. Truth be known, she doesn't even have to provide shelter for him any longer. Living at home as a young adult is a privelage---not an automatic given. Your mom should look to your brother to start kicking in for his clothes and living expenses.

Answer 6

you may NOT want to hear this BUT...
since your brother is 18 he IS an adult.
maybe HE should step up to the plate to HELP HIS mom HELP HIM get thru school.
FEW of us have a family w/6 figure income... AND we made it thru college.

yeah, SURE it would be NICE if your dad (his dad) helped out... BUT the truth is... he is NOT required. sure we can say it is DESPICABLE ... but that does NOT change the fact that his LEGAL OBLIGATIONS ended when your brother turned 18.

just as an aside: there are 2 sides to every story. how do we (the audience) know that your father did not justifiably turn his back on your brother. not likely... but is it possible?
only your brother & your dad know the answer to that.

who knows, your brother might get some sense of accomplishment if he gets himself thru school w/o waiting for a 'handout' from his dad (and for that matter... his mom)
if it IS such a strain on her...
isn't it SELFISH OF HIM to stress her like that.
you are a bit young to know this...
but, sacrifice is what parents do.
this time may help make your mom a stronger person knowing that she managed this on her OWN ;-)
adversity helps to build character.
money is NOT the answer to THIS problem.
it just an EASY solution.

Answer 7

First off, this should be between your PARENTS and not you---but I commend you for wanting to help.... The divorce decree that BOTH your parents signed SHOULD have some stipulations for support for when your brother AND you actually are in COLLEGE...... I know MY brother is divorced and is paying for BOTH his girls who are BOTH in college full time, because their MOTHER skipped the country and married some guy in England and lives there now and doesn't feel I guess that she should HAVE to contribute---but BY LAW and the nature of their divorce decree (how it was written), LEGALLY, my brother's EX HAS TO CONTRIBUTE... If your mom did not get anything SPECIFICALLY written in her divorce that states that your father IS TO PAY HALF OR PART of the college expenses, she's basically out of luck UNLESS your father finds his heart and acts like a MAN and offers to HELP HIS OWN SON with school expenses.... but don't count on that because a GOOD percentage of fathers don't want and will try anything to get OUT of paying money to their kids while in college...It's too bad all fathers couldn't be like MY brother---the only concerns he has had ever since his EX wife pulled all the crap that SHE did, was to protect his GIRLS..... he has ALWAYS sacrificed for those kids. but the ex wife NEVER HAS.... (and probably never will)... Ask your mom to check the written divorce---if there IS something in there stating that her EX has to support through college.... then your mom needs to go back to COURT to FORCE him to pay.

Answer 8

That is a tough one. One would need to know more to make a real judgment, but this happens so often. If your parents loved each other in the beginning, it is possible to return to a happy marriage if both want to do it. Sometimes bitterness creates an environment that causes love and fidelity to be lost, but to me, there is so much good in keeping a marriage, especially when children need a stable and supportive home. Nothing worthwhile is easy, and you are not the one at fault (if anyone is), but this is my observation. Maybe you could encourage your parents to reconsider and try to please each other instead of only his/her self. My heart goes out to you. If your mom can forgive and make his life more pleasant, maybe he would be willing to help financially and provide support for the rest of the family. God bless.

Answer 9

I am sorry to say but your dad is a bastard your mom should try to go to court and see if she can get help for instance she can say that technically she is still raising your brother and that he has expenses and that it is not fair for her to be paying for everything and if this does not work then have her take him to smalls claims court for instability and have your father help. If not tell you brother to get a job at nigh to help pay for his tuition he is the man of the house know and he needs to start helping talk to a lawyer and get some legal advice and see what they can help you do.

Answer 10

I am not totally sure of all of the laws in your state of residence, but I think your mom should speak to a lawyer. If a child of a deceased parent can receive government benefits while in school beyond the age of eighteen, I feel that child of a wealthy one should be able to receive support payments also. Just my opinion..... I hope things work out for you and your family.