Me and my partner are spiritual, but not religious. We both come from religious families. Her family goes to church much more than mine does. I have expressed opinions about publicly funded education in a blog, to the demise of my sister-in-law. She accused me of being a hippocrate because I went to a faith-based school when I was a kid. She now ignores me and refuses to acknowledge my existence. I have emailed her comments where I apologized for possibly offending her, but they were my opinions. I have removed the comments, but I made a mistake and compared their struggle to get funding for faith schools to homosexuals fighting for the right to get married. This was clearly not acceptable to them and I would not include it, if I had to do it over.
The Question: How do I remedy the situation so that I can get along at family functions and such without sacrificing my ideals and dignity.
2007-11-12 05:53:39 · 18 answers · asked by Charles M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Could respondents please refrain from using biblical references in support of their answers. Thanks, but they just don't help me :)
2007-11-12 06:10:04 · update #1
In situations like this... the two of you must agree to disagree. It was a good step to apologize for possibly offending her without apologizing for your beliefs. All you can do now is try to find a middle ground. But she has to make an effort too. If she won't listen to you right now- give her some time to cool off and approach her again later. Let her know you will have a difference of opinions but you can both respect and get along with each other nonetheless.
2007-11-12 06:04:46 · answer #1 · answered by zzzzap! 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
"How do I remedy the situation so that I can get along at family functions and such without sacrificing my ideals and dignity."
You don't, you CHOSE to make your opinions public, there was no guarantee you weren't going to "ruffle" a few feathers. You did so, now YOU have to accept the consequences of YOUR actions period.
2007-11-12 15:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe some of the responsibility must also fall on your loved on. My family is very religious and I also went to a religious school all of my life, until college. My girlfriend is not religious in any way and I have steered away from organized faith since I left home.
When my super religious family prods my girlfriend about such things, I expect her to be kind but assertive about her response. Also, I try to back her up. Her religious perspective does NOT determine her worth as a individual and the same applies to you.
I have to respective someone who is not overly aggressive about their opinions but is willing to not back down when provoked.
When my girlfriend is provoked by my family I find it helps to just say "drop it" and move on.
If her family is going to determine your worth based on your religious preference, than I'd say to just part ways with them.
Oh, and the only person I personally believe you should answer to is yourself and your loved one. God was made in mans image. ;)
2007-11-12 14:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think this is something you need to discuss first with your partner. Is it important to her that you and her family get along? or is this for your own benefit? She should have some ideas on how you can remedy the situatiion with her sister. If it is important to her, and she doesn't have any ideas that you haven't already tried, I would suggest trying to meet with your sister-in-law over coffee, or out to dinner. Explain to her what you explained to us, that although it was your opinion, you did not mean to offend her. If you feel that you made a mistake in your opinion, express that also. Be ready to back up your opinions, while being sensitive to hers. If you made a mistake, fess up. Mostly, explain that although you both may have differences in opinions, you would really like to get along with her for the benefit of your partner, whom you both love...
2007-11-12 14:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by LP 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There's an old saying - "least said, soonest mended." You apologized to her - for you having your own opinions - which happen to differ from hers.
Now the rest is up to her. And if she cares to exhume old bones - especially at family functions (or behind your back) as many (both christian and non-christian alike) are wont to do, ask her if she believes in Jesus' teachings of judging not lest ye be judged - and of turning the other cheek - and a few more of the better known lessons our Savior tried to convey...
2007-11-12 13:59:34 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Try calling her or seeing her in person & explaining everything. If she still hasn't "forgiven" you, then just go to the family functions. It will be awkward at first, but hopefully it will get better with time. You will probably have to bite your tongue after this if you want to keep the peace. Good luck!
2007-11-12 14:02:31 · answer #6 · answered by captain snake 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you said sorry then you've done your part.
Your sister-in-law should understand that people have different opinions and perspective in life.
If the opinion has been voiced-out then she's old enough to know that she shouldn't take this personally and just respect it. Tell her that you respect what she believes and she should do it too.
can you please add in your email to her these two words...
"GROW UP!!" (this is on the lighter note, do not do this :] )
2007-11-12 14:04:37 · answer #7 · answered by brittanique 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have apologized and gone out of your way to remove the "offensive" comments. Now it's up to them to forgive--- if they're really that "religious" then they should!
Also, see if your wife can help out with this. Have her talk to them and let them know that keeping the peace is more important than holding grudges about something unintentionally offensive.
2007-11-12 13:57:57 · answer #8 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some religious sister in law that you have...she is a bigot in my opinion....and aren't Christians suppose to forgive when someone apologizes? I would just do my best to be pleasant at family functions and keep your religious beliefs to yourself....
2007-11-12 13:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
At this point, I doubt there is anything else you can do to sway her. She is offended and sounds at though she wants to be.
Just be polite and gracious at family functions. That will speak volumes.
2007-11-12 14:23:32 · answer #10 · answered by pcgirl2006 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋