Husband is mad because I wont name our son after him?

Question

I have always said if I had a son I would name him after his father. Well my husband has a son with his exgirlfriend and he is named after my husband. I dont care for the ex naturally and in the past AI felt insecurities about her because she was my husbands first love and had his first 2 kids and his family always used to make such a big deal out of her and the fact that she had his first child which is the son. (the younger one is a girl) So we are having a son due in 3 months and been trying to come up with a name. Of course I wanted to name him after his father and I felt very hurt that I couldnt because his first son already carries his name. He got mad at me and said that he can have 2 sons with his name. I told him that it didnt matter if he had 2 sons with his name but if we named our son that it would only make me more insecure and feel even more second best to his ex girlfriend. He is still mad. I dont know why he cant understand. What should I do?

Answer 1

Personally, I think you are both being petty.

You punish your husband for having a life before he met you??? How self-centered and crazy is that? Was he supposed to be kept in an isolation booth until he magically met you?

*You* stated that *you* always wanted to name your first son after the father. Sounds to me like you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. How many different ways are you going to come up to say the same thing -- you are unhappy that your husband had a life before he met you.

Get over it. He *chose* you! And he chose you after he chose her. And he continues to choose you each and every day he stays with you. That's trump, you win! Move on.

Apart from this issue, I urge you to work on your self-esteem issues and need to control what you can't.

Personally, I don't see any problem with having two sons with the same name. You can give your son a nickname.

In my family, all of my sisters wanted to name a girl after my mom. Her name is Carolyn. Currently, there are four Carolyns. One goes by Carrie, one goes by Kelly, and one goes by her middle name, Ashleigh.

Adults who want to come up with solutions (as opposed to creating more drama and more trouble) do just that. They find creative solutions.

Put on your thinking caps and figure out a way that you and your husband can agree. (And stop punishing him and the people around you for things that happened before you got there!)

Answer 2

You guys aren't even thinking of your future son, are you? How do you think a 2nd son would feel sharing the name of an older sibling (maybe second best at the least?). Not to mention all the difficulties of having similar names in 3 men in the same state when it comes to buying cars, houses, credit issues, etc. Choose an individual name for your son and treat him as a blessing and tell your husband to get his ego checked at the door to the hospital. He has a namesake, that is enough. You could give him your husband name as a middle name or use your husband middle name as a first name, but make sure this child has a special individual name for goodness sake. You guys are sounding way too immature to be having kids! Good luck (especially to the new baby) and God Bless.

Answer 3

I can understand why naming the child after him would be an issue seeing as how he already has a child named after him.I am assuming his son doesn't have his first and middle names. Maybe you could use the one that wasn't used? If not then tell him that your child has a right to have his own name and not be named the same thing as his brother. Both of you need to realize that your child is going to have to go through life with this name so it needs to be something that is unique to him and not something that one of his siblings already has. A name is very important to a child. Tell your husband that since he already has a child with his name that you would like to try and find one in a past generation of family members *either yours or his* and name the child that. It will still give your husband pride to be passing something down to his son and give you the comfort of knowing it is uniquely your child's name.

Answer 4

Give him his own unique name and who says his dad could not be his middle name atleast then he is being mentioned in his son's name but your son still has his own identity. Most therapists will tell you being named after the father is very hard on the child when growing up becaue they will always have people saying he sure can't do something as good as blah blah Sr.

Really give the baby a name that you both love and his dad can be in the middle really he is already taking his dads last name as well. I have always liked the name Nathan or Joseph another great name is Matthew.

CONGRATS AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY AND YOUR FAMILY.

Answer 5

I am completely against giving your son the same name as his father. I know a man who's son was named after him...he took out several credit cards in "their" name, put his Utilities in "their" name - The list goes on. He simply used the childs Social Security number and gave his drivers license.
Now the son is 30 and can't buy a car, house, or get a cell phone with out prosecuting his own father for identity theft. He has been making payments on these old credit cards and such for years and has not even made a dent in them . Do your child a favor - Give him his very own name - He'll thank you for it later!

Answer 6

He had his first two kids with a woman that he didn't marry? He wants two of his sons to have the same name? (funny bits of Newharts' "Hi, I'm Larry, and this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl" come to mind). His judgment should be questioned.

Speaking from someone who broke a hereditary name scheme, its OK. Your son will be his own person so come up with two or three names and try them out on him that first few days and see what fits him. You might be suprised after he pops when his face and eyes and ears and mannerisms choose his own name.

You still have to do this together.

Answer 7

Have you thought about naming your child his middle name? It makes sense since he is the second son. I agree with you he shouldn't have the same name as his other son...

Sometimes we have to let go of the way we used to want things to be when we get older or when this happens or when that happens....because when we are young and have these ideals about how things are going to be when we get older we don't have any concept of how life really works. We haven't been introduced to alternatives or disappointments or the need to adjust to changing plans...and we are less willing to accept things we don't like...

But, you are older now and are having a child of your own and so you have to be willing to accept that things aren't exactly how you planned them...but things are still good and you don't have to be disappointed, just change plans....find a satisfactory alternative...what about a name that is a combo of your name and his name? like Melissa and Joe could be Joel or something....or think about other important men in your family or his family...is there a name there you like? Maiden names that would make satisfactory first names? Logan, Conner, Michael...

Best wishes and congrats on the little one. Remember, she is his ex for a reason.

Answer 8

I am honestly blown away sometimes at how being insecure make people behave. I am talking about your husband, not you. He needs to get over it. I always thought it was cheesy to name kids after their fathers. How can they ever have a sense of individuality. What you could do is name the child after your husband's father, if they get along. You could also just pick a totally new name, together.

Answer 9

I completely understand how you feel. Maybe you can compromise with your husband and give your son his name as his middle name. I wouldn't want to have my son being the second one named after the fathers name either ...try the middle name though. Or maybe a name that he would have the fathers same initials.

Answer 10

Give your son his name as his middle name so they are not called by the same name. Tell you husband it is only to keep away confusion and that your son will still have his name.

Good Luck