my husband and i are seperated?

Question

i am married for a second time for 8 years. my oldest daughter is 16 and my youngest is 13 all from my previous marriage on thursday last wk my husband and oldest daughter got into an argument which went very verbal with my daughter cussing my husband and telling him he isnt her f*ing dad and then my husband got verbal then he got physicall like he was going to get the belt and spank her well i got in the middle and he got mad and left and has not been back since he says i do not decipline the girls enough and he demands respect which in my beleif it doesnt matter your age if you dont earn respcet you dont gt it in return.anyhow i do love my husband with all of my heart but i am torn in the middle by my kids telling me that if he comes back they are going to live with my mother and by him telling me that i need to make the kids respect him. other than the issue with my kids we have a pretty good mariage. should i just let him stay gone

Answer 1

No you don't you get him back and sit down with him and your daughters and talk this out. What has to be put out is the fact that he is the adult and they are the kids. He is the man of the house and just like you would want your daughters to be respectful to a total stranger, a teacher, a minister etc.. they should be just that more respectful to the man that wants to help raise them. I don't truley agree with the cussing and physical issue cause I believe that at 16 even though you are still a child you are still at that age to were talkin works just fine. Next I agree with you that you have to earn repect to get respect, but I also beleive that your husband has earn that. He earn that the day he told you he loved you and decided that it did not matter that you had kids, he wanted to be with you and your kids and to me that's a good deal being that most of us men are afraid of commitment . Now you have to ask yourself this question are you to easy on the girls?? Do you discipline them enough?? Cause sounds to me maybe not. Your kids should not be tellin you that you have to choose. Now if he is abusive and hurtin the girls then yeah choose. If not put your foot down and get on the same page with your husband. I'm not saying to spank but just let you girls know how you and that even though he is not there dad he does play a big part in all your lives. Last thing maybe you should play a bigger part in the discipline and you may have less trouble.

Answer 2

You have an obligation to your children first because they were part of the "package deal" when he married you. I don't know how your husband treats them, whether he is respectful or not, but your daughter was certainly out of line when she disrespected him! It seems that your daughters are making the rules in your house. First cursing their stepfather; then telling you they will go live somewhere else. Your family is dysfunctional !! You are the parent. YOU tell the kids what they're going to do or not do!!! No wonder things are out of control since you've turned rules over to teenagers. I do think respect should be earned; however, I do not think kids should be disrespectful to adults, no matter what! You and your husband need to talk and come to a decision about discipline, appropriate language and the correct way of speaking to the kids.. Then you need to have a family sit-down where the two of you are united in setting some boundaries and rules for these snotty kids.

Answer 3

Well your kids should respect you and your new husband. However the new husband shouldnt get so heated. You shouldnt have to choose between them, they are both taking advantage of the situation and putting you in the middle. I would just recommend family therapy. Everyone may be against it, but tell them how much it would mean to you and tell them if therapy doesnt work , then other arrangements can be made. But tell them whether they all like it or not they are a family, and they should work on being a family. Your daughter doesnt have any right saying what she said. She should respect him eventhough she may not want to. Your husband shouldnt get so heated and act like a child and leave. Just ask them for one chance at therapy and see how it goes.

Answer 4

A picture is worth a thousand words. An experience is worth a thousand pictures. The more 'real' something seems to us, the more empathy we have for it. Likewise, when we are trying to consider a matter of which we know little, we find it hard to summon much enthusiasm. If there is no photograph or drawing and just some vague description, we simply turn our attention towards something more interesting. large and small are all, ultimately, about communication. If you now need someone to understand something, draw them a picture or better still, give them an experience they can relate to.
!O!O!O!O!O!

Answer 5

well I see it this way, when your are married and you have kids that are not your spouses, you demand respect from both ends!!!

this dosent mean that just because they are your kids they can act like selfish brats and disrespect your spuose and also it dosent mean that just because he is you hubby he can touch your kids.

now, you need to understand what the problem was, if it was your kids then you need to point out that it was their fault and they need to make amends for it, also explain that when they make the decision of taking responsibilities for their actions, that they will be the ones to leave the nest when they are grown and you will be the stay alone.

If it was your spouse, same for him , just because he is your hubby dosent give him the reason to take physical actons against your kids. He needs to be the one to face his actions and fess up and admit he was wrong, if he dosent, well honey then this relationship is over.

Answer 6

Maybe you should remember that respect is not taught with a belt.

Put your children first, they are threatened by this man - maybe not physically but emotionally. Put them first in your life always.

In the meantime maybe let them stay with mom while you work out the relationship with your husband. He has to know you won't tolerate his behaviour to your children any more than you will tolerate theirs to him. But if he brings out the belt next time he can leave.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Tough position for you to be in. Bottom line...Go with your gut. Is your husband right? Do you need to discipline your children more? Are they walking all over you? If so, let them try to talk about leaving. Bottom line is you are their mother and their guardian they can not move out unless there is abuse or worse. Take charge. If it is your husband causing problems, you need to do some serious thinking:( Good luck

Answer 8

same rules apply to them if they were his kids...he is the boss, not them...he is the king of the house... and he should get respect...no swearing, no nothing! if he says no to something, it's freakin' no! and that's that! life is not about getting what you want all the time! then, you all should sit down... even if it takes all night to solve this! talk, talk, talk some more! you are queen, and have him come back home...they can't live w/ your mother, you are the boss, and so is he...! make them sit at home and learn some lessons, running to gramma won't make them learn anything... good luck...!

Answer 9

particular you're entitled to all of his BAH because of the fact you're nevertheless married, and additionally because of the fact you have short-term custody of the two between the babies precise now. as quickly as you finalize any variety of divorce you will purely be waiting to obtain toddler help. this is a proportion of his base pay. Hit me up

Answer 10

and what are u goona do ?? u are responsible for the children, ur the mother he is not the father -- so what now? I suggest u seek counseling (hope it works [did'nt for me]) and try to get past this impass -- remember marriage is a legal document -- and he is not the parent of your daughter