I have a friend who has been in my life since I've been 2 y.o., almost like a cousin. Throught the years we would see each other and our families but as we've gotten older and married things have become awkward. I can't ever go there without getting annoyed by something riduculous. She married ten years ago and sine then I've been the one always driving to her house for these kids parties etc. I've been married for 2 years and mentioned her house is too far for me to drive, to meet me half way into the city. Her response was that she spends too much money in the city. Okay, so I have to pay tolls and be the one to commute 1 1/2 hours each time. My life is less important because I don't have kids and my husband make more money than hers. She says insulting comments (I don't even want to get into that) I'm always in a bad mood when I get home. This is the first time we're actually going outside of her town in ten years to go shopping. Everything is with the kids, I asked if her ...
2007-11-12 04:48:18 · 11 answers · asked by Lyla 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
husband can watch the kids while we go out and she says he has things to do in the house. I can't even send and email becasue they share the same address. It's so wacked out 1950s nonsense to me, and she made the rudest comment about me getting back in time for dinner to be with my husband. No respect for my schedule!!!
2007-11-12 04:51:01 · update #1
I guess I feel there's a commitment among my other family members with her family and I don't know how to end it
2007-11-12 04:54:19 · update #2
You have to tell her that as her life has moved forward with marriage and commitments, so has yours. Let her know that you will always be friends but now it seems like your lives are going in different directions. You might not see each other as much in the future but she will always be in your thoughts.
Then just talk to her occasionally on the phone and always be busy when she invites you. Then make new friends.
Good Luck
2007-11-12 05:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-12-20 15:52:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friendship is not give and take- and you are doing all the giving..is it a friendship at all? Seems more like a family relationship- they can be life sucking.
You friend seems very needy- if you know this and keep it in mind you can allow this to stay the same- but change your expectations.
Don't visit her when you need to talk or share ideas- you just be disappointed. Find someone else to fill that need.
Occasionally invite her your way or at a half way point- when she turns you down say "OK" and let it go. But, you do not have to drive out there either.
Have a pen pal relationship for a while. You won't be so disappointed if you give her less power.
Maybe down the road you might have a child and then be back on the same playing field. I have a dear friend of 30 years and we have had issues over the years, it always works itself out.
2007-11-12 05:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by brutally honest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're more upset by the way that she treats you than you are about how her family life is set in a 1950s style. You're right to be upset when she doesn't treat you with respect! I thought friendships were supposed to be a positive thing, not a negative thing. You go home feeling defeated and exhausted. That's no way to feel after seeing a friend, and traveling all that distance!
You are NOT less important than she is, but you just feel that way. I think you might need a little bit of a break from her. You don't want to go through your relationship feeling like you don't matter.
2007-11-12 04:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like she has some issues. Maybe she is jealous and is venting out on you in an indirect way. there is something wrong with her though. Maybe you should sit her down and ask her what is wrong and tell her how you feel about the things she does. Now you have to be patient and not get angry and when you have your discussion don't accuse, don't criticize and don't judge, just state the action she did and then how it made you feel. See what she says but there is an underlying issue here that might have to do with jealousy, disrespect, control, her own family problems, etc. Try it out but if she acts out instead of communicating tell her and yourself that at least you tried and if she wants to talk and not act like that she knows how to reach you. Then stop talking to her.
2007-11-12 05:02:09 · answer #5 · answered by 2legit2quit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are her friend at her convenience. Sorry, but the only one that can change that is you. If she cannot meet you in the city for whatever reason, then why should you meet her at all. You have explained these inconveniences to her and NO! You're life is not any less important than hers because you do not have kids. Get a grip and quit dancing to this friend's tune every time she says DANCE! Get a backbone.
2007-11-12 04:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya. This sounds toxic to me. Its all give on your side and all take on hers. Thats not a friendship. I suggest just sord of doing a drift away thing. Dont formally end the relationship, no big talks or anything. Just start "being busy", in other words, dont make any effort to contact her any more. Maybe send a Christmas card or something, otherwise just leave her be but be polite when and if you run into her. Dont worry too much over it either, people change as they grow. Sometimes you have to cut ties. good-luck.
2007-11-12 05:22:02 · answer #7 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats so toxic? some people are not worth confronting
2016-04-03 09:41:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a one sided friendship. If you are nothing but miserable when you are around her, then why do you continue to talk to her?
2007-11-12 04:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then stop spending time with her...make excuses why you can't do this or that. It'll eventually dissolve.
2007-11-12 04:52:50 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋