I have been married about 4.5 yrs the marriage on a whole has been very emotionally rocky for me. I am going to be turning 26 yrs old soon and my husband is 39 yrs old.We met by chance at one of my dads companies parties and after 8 months of dating got engaged then 3-4 months later we got married much to my families dismay.Looking back i think i was more infatuated with the gifts he was giving me,i liked being shown off and all the attention.It felt like love but my feelings started diminishing shorty after we got married because i was so lonley.My husband travels 4-5 months out of the year. My husband lets me buy whatever clothing ect that i want but is cold and emotionally unavailable for the most part.He is extremley controling and i feel like just property to him.When i brought up kids he bought me a dog it took 2 more pets for the talk to finally happen.We tried for a year i got poked and prodded nothing was wrong but i still could not get pregnant.He refused to go through any..
2007-11-12 03:58:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
testing though saying he did not have he time for it and already had a son from his first marriage so he had nothing to prove.I had to beg him to consider adoption and we went all the way to china to get my daughter.But now i am still unhappy and my hubby still behaves emotionally cruel toward me even shoved me and bruised my arms?I told him i was unhappy so now he has me in therapy thats still not helping?
2007-11-12 04:03:01 · update #1
I also slipped up with an ex.bf and thats causing more problems (he does not know).I feel so unhappy but feel i am dependent on his money?
2007-11-12 04:05:35 · update #2
Yes we adopted my daughter from china when she was 1.5 yrs old and now my daughter is 3.5 yrs old
2007-11-12 04:32:10 · update #3
No i have never worked during my marriage.
2007-11-12 04:34:51 · update #4
I bet he's had a vasectomy that's why he wouldn't get any testing you can check him for that while giving him oral and he won't even know if you're sneaky about it and if it's so get a divorce because he should have been up front about it before you got married... BTW don't let the jerk put his hands on you again next time take photo's of the bruises and have him arrested..
2007-11-12 04:11:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a complicated situation! Yes, you were probably infatuated with the "love" that he showed you through gifts. You more than likely went in thinking that he would be kind when the two of you were together, since he was nice enough to buy you gifts. You couldn't have known that he would be emotionally unavailable because you didn't know him well enough before you got married.
However, you're in it now and you need to work within the relationship. If he's shoving you and bruising you, that is a problem. If that were to stop, then everything else could be handled rather easily. He's older, so he's probably not going to think of himself as the problem. He sees that he gives you everything you want (financially) and that you should be thankful. What does he want from you? Would he be happy if he could control you 100%? Because that is impossible.
Do you stay at home or do you work? Did you get the baby from China or did you not? To force him to have a child is wrong. If he doesn't want it, then that's something you'll have to compromise on. That's what marriage is all about. Had you two discussed this more in-depth before you were married, then you wouldn't be dealing with this right now. So just do your best to work with what you've been given and try not to let it get you down too much.
Give him your understanding, and try to make it work. You are in therapy, but he's not there with you. It helps to talk to a therapist, but at the same time, you can't solve what's wrong with him. And as far as getting semi-involved with his ex....that's going to cloud your vision more than anything. When you think you have the prospect of someone else, you fantasize like crazy that they're the one for you and that the man you married is awful.
2007-11-12 12:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that children are important to you, then you need to be very firm on your stance and tell him what you want.
If he does not come across with an acceptable answer, then leave the marriage and do not look back.
He does not sound like father material. He sounds like he may not be being up front to you. Are you sure he has not had a vasectomy since he is much older than you
Also, do you really want to have children with someone who seems to make you so misreable.
Rethink this for awhile and then find love again in someone who makes you feel good. Get out of the misreable situation you are in before you get too old.
I know this because I been there and done that.
2007-11-12 12:05:32 · answer #3 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to have children with a man you do not love? What do you want out to come out of all of this? If you know you made a mistake move on. You are young and your parents will probably be there for you since they did not like the idea in the first place.
2007-11-12 12:05:06 · answer #4 · answered by Islander 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm curious why you wanted a child with him so bad if he was treating you this way? It's not fair to bring a child into an unhappy marriage. And if he is hurting you in any way, that means your child is in danger too and you need to do whatever it takes to protect her. It sounds like he's a jerk and it would be very hard to ever make things work with him.
2007-11-12 12:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by Laura Duck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself do you really want to have a baby with a man whom you already described as cold and controling? A child isn't going to make things better; the child will only give you company while you sit at home alone. Pray about it hon. Good Luck!
2007-11-12 12:04:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he listens to you when you talk about your feelings or you need to understand he really doesn't care. You are a person that deserves to be treated better then that. Your not his employee or his child you have a right to be heard in your marriage. You are too young to be sitting around feeling like life is passing you by. Good luck
2007-11-12 12:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by n.s. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to have a baby with a man that you don't love? You said that he is extremely controlling, cold and emotionally unavailable....and that you feel like property to him.....You need to either get counseling with your husband or get out of the marriage....this is not the time to try having a baby....
2007-11-12 12:04:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like life would be more fun without him in it, can you move in with your parents temporarily until you get back on your feet again? If so, I would ask for a divorce, he sounds like a mean person, and you are to young to waste your life this way. Your daughter will be fought over I am sure but you'll be happier in the end if you get rid of him.
2007-11-12 20:07:38 · answer #9 · answered by darlin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are still very young. It sounds like you are not happy and like you don't love this man very much. He sounds like he is looking for a trophy wife. I would move on and find someone that you love and loves you for you and have your babies girl!
Good luck!
2007-11-12 12:03:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋