How can I get rid of fear of rejection?

Question

Here is a situation. Friend of mine ran out of soap. He might or may not have money to buy soap right away and so he likes to ask me for a soap. I usually buy enough for almost a year or less. He asks for a soap and me being NICE like to say yes and offer him a soap. In realty, I have already bought soaps just enough for me and I may not have enough money to buy a soap if i need one. Eventhough I do not have enough soapin the future I give it to him. Now the problem is how do I tell him to buy his own soap andbuy enough or plenty at a time instead of buying 1 or 2 and then run out of soap.
If i do not give him a soap I feel guilty because he need a soap to take shower and I imagine what if I needed a soap and nobody gives me a soap if i do not have one to take shower?
This leads to low self esteem and guilty and fear of rejection.
How do i stand for myself and refuse to offer him a soap so that if there is no soap available he would have to go and buy a soap or more soaps?

Answer 1

your just afraid he might be using you for soap and you don't want to be used lol

Answer 2

Everyone has a fear of rejection. You can't please everyone all of the time. It's nice that you want to share what you have with this person. Here are some suggestions on how to go about helping him in a polite way.

Firstly, if you see a sale on soap you could nonchalantly mention it to him, and say that you were going to pick some up would he like to come along with you and get some. This way you don't outright say that I don't want to give you any of my soap, but you do show him how to spend his money wisely on soap.

Secondly, why not see if someone else would have enough soap to lend this person? This way he still has soap and you get to keep yours.

Thirdly, there are groups such as freecycle which are in your area. You could post a request for soap for your friend! Someone may have some that they'd be willing to give to your friend. There are many people that travel and stay in Hotels that give free soaps and things. Some people get a big collection of these things and don't know what to do with them.
It's worth a try!

http://www.freecycle.org/

http://www.freecycle.org/

Answer 3

I wish I had sage words of advice, I seem to have the same problem, and all I can tell you is how your life will progress if you don't just chuck the idea. It is very hard to be yourself and risk that "man is he weird" look from someone you care about. But if you don't you will never really let anyone in, and no one will ever connect deeply with you. You will build a really strong wall around yourself, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to tear it down. The trouble is that a lot of people will give up trying to get through, and that will just make the wall bigger. Eventually no one could ever get through, the walls will be impenetrable and then you will be inside all alone. Plus you won't be able to care for them, since you know they will give up on you and move on. It is an awful way to spend a life. So you have to take a risk that you will be hurt and open yourself up, and hope that someday a girl will fall in love with that sensitive guy.

Answer 4

for the soap
you can say that you want your soap back next week. if she doesnt show up you go and ask he soap back.

if you dont want all this issues with soap then just say no i can not miss it.

no need to feel guilty, you can not save the whole world. remember you are getting into trouble because of helping someone out.

fear of rejection i dont know , ignore it.

Answer 5

Ok... this sounds like you have a bit of a problem - nothing to do with rejection, this is similar to OCD. You're constantly scared with the fact you're going to run out of soap - now that's not normal behaviour to be honest, I mean does it matter if your friend asks you for some soap?

Maybe you should go to the doctors and speak to them - this is abnormal behaviour

Answer 6

I would just flat out tell him that you buy a certain amnt of soap for you for the year and when he keeps asking for soap, it's taking away from your stock. Ask him to go and buy his own but that you don't mean any harm by it. You're just trying to plan ahead and when he comes in wanting soap, you have to rearrange your planning.

Answer 7

well this leads me to believe that there are two ways at looking at this.

1) tell him to get his own soap and stop being a lecher

or

2) continue down your current path and don't say or do anything

if you do decide to take 1, whats the worst that can happen, he goes out and gets soap from someone else

Answer 8

Are you serious? Soap? You can get that for free if you know where to look! You should show your soap bum a public bathroom. Then inform them that stealing the soap is easy.

Answer 9

Here is what you should do.
If this guy is your friend, buy him soap for his birthday or Christmas since it is right around the corner.
He'll be embarrased and get the hint that his asking for soap is excessive.
Another hint, buy your soap for yourself, and get a few at the 99 Cents store, give hime those when he asks for them!

Answer 10

Well, I'd buy about 10 bars of soap for him and give them to him. He probably just forgets to buy it. Everyone has a quirky problem in their personality. It's good to be generous. I wouldn't get hung up over this matter.
Just don't start paying for all his food!

Answer 11

Just flat out tell him that you can't give him anymore soap. Tell him that as much as you would like to help him out you need to look out for yourself because no one else is going to. I understand your feelings of guilt but you wouldn't be doing anything wrong so therefore you shouldn't feel guilty. As for your fear of rejection - is this him rejecting you as a friend? If that is the case, he wouldn't be much of a friend constantly asking you for things he is probably perfectly capable of getting himself. Just let him know that you barely have enough for you and you would like to be able to help him out but you just can't. If he's a real friend, he would understand and not hold it against you.