I realize I don't have history with them and it may take years for things to settle in and know what role I will play in their lives and for them to trust me...but I'd appreciate thoughts about how to proceed until then, e.g. wanting to get to know them better, giving advice, correcting their children's behavior, etc.
2007-11-12 02:52:46 · 21 answers · asked by dingding 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clarify, when I say correcting their children's behavior, I mean stuff like putting down dangerous objects or covering their mouth when they sneeze, basic things like that.
2007-11-12 04:53:07 · update #1
I felt upset about it last night and talked to my husband, and he said he expected me to feel this way at some point, but to just be myself and it will all work out. He's wonderful, so I know it will evolve the way it should, just need some support, I guess.
2007-11-12 04:55:59 · update #2
What "role" do you "play" with any new folks that you encounter??? These are no longer children...they are their own people...you simply share a common tie--you love someone they love, too.
You'll get to know them better as occasions present themselves to do so--go with the flow...as far as giving advice--I, personally found great wisdom in never volunteering such--give when asked only. Now, on the subject of correcting other people's kids...touchy, touchy...however, on your & hubby's turf, you two are the royal duo...if you agree on expected behavioral policies, then that's the rule of thumb...period. If you have expectations that do not coincide with his, I highly suggest revamping your thoughts in the matter...however, wise Grandma's have a way of softly getting their points across to those necessary...use your imagination! LOL
You are not the Odd-Lady-Out, you are the New-Lady-In...work on your personal relationship at hand--with hubby--that's your "role" of focus...the rest will or will not happen, totally depending on the other folks who choose to involve themselves into such. I wish the best to all.
Good Journey!!!
2007-11-12 03:39:41 · answer #1 · answered by MsET 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship has a severe challenge and extremely no elementary answer. in case your husband retains going again and mendacity about it extremely is a adult males answer to each and everything, the its time to flow on. this isn't a contest the position the prize is him. he's married to YOU and also you on my own, there's no contest! Evidentally he needs her more suitable than you otherwise hed stay living house, and exercising elementary issues with you. Your challenge isn't inclusive of her yet him so basically write her off. Time for some hard love, supply him a million and purely a million very last ultimatum; ignore her or youll going to sue him for divorce and each and everything you could legally get so then he can flow to her with no longer something. till you've expenditures of kid or drug abuse pending, you'll immediately be presented the little ones, help, the living house and spousal help too. he receives state mandated visitation proper notwithstanding yet no large deal. So tell him his decision and then supply him 24 hours to come back to a decision and if he is going to her again you'll sue. good success
2016-10-24 02:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are already grown and have (had?) a mother. You are their father's wife, and perhaps over time they may come to be somewhat friendly with you (depending on their situation and ages) but really, care about them because they are your husband's children, but accept the fact that you will never have a parent/child relationship with them.
NOTE: don't ever try to correct anyone's children's behaviors- not even your own grandchildren. If they are in your home and the parents are not, enforce your house rules, but don't try to parent them.
2007-11-12 03:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by In Hiding 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are grown this can easily be a conversation that you have with them. They may appreciate your candidness if you bring this up. As far as their children...ask the parents to make a general list of rules that the kids are following at home and enforce them. Ask the parents what forms of punishment they use (time-outs, negative reinforcement) and discuss what they expect of you while the children are at your home. Hopefully they are parents that require respect out of their kids and the kids need to respect others as well. Just take it slow and get to know them gradually. Try not to be fake because they will pick up on it...and don't kiss *ss to get them to like you. Be friendly and engaging, open yourself up and hopefully they will too.
2007-11-12 03:09:20 · answer #4 · answered by laura1977 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A good way to bond, is when you see them ask them questions about family traditions, things your husband does or does not like. If you go in there acting like you know everything, you will definently have to deal with some resentment.
Make sure they understand that you're not trying to take their father away from them but, that you just want to be part of the family. Make sure they know that you're a team player!
2007-11-12 03:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Jaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Br there for them and be a friend. Try to set up activities with them for shopping or a lunch, what ever it is just get to know them one on one if you are able. Make their father happy and they will definitely like you. Only give advice if it is asked or an open discussion, you do not want to be seen as butting in. Good luck.
2007-11-12 03:01:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do NOTHING. They are grown now. The are done being raised. If my step-mother said ANYTHING about how I live my life (I don't have kids, but if she tried to correct their behavior with me there), I'd probably kick her out of my house.
I'm not trying to sound mean, and I can tell you are well intentioned. But, unless they open you with welcome arms and need some sort of mother figure, you are nothing more than their Dad's wife. Be amicable, be congenial, don't offer advice unless it is asked for, and stay out of their lives. Good luck with that.
2007-11-12 03:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely don't try to give the grown children advice unless they ask or correct their children.Just be there as their Father's wife.Time will help you to get to know them better, and you both will know where you want to take your realtionship.
2007-11-12 03:03:08 · answer #8 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are your husbands wife, you should act accordingly. You don't correct their children's behavior, you ask your husband to ask them to correct their children's behavior. Then when you get to know them better you can ask them to correct their children's behavior. Unless you have been left in charge of the children you never correct other peoples children's' behavior.
2007-11-12 02:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should be a friend to them.....they have a mother...talk to them as if they are a friend, don't give advise unless they ask for it...and don't correct their children unless they give you permission to....
2007-11-12 02:59:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋