he spends a lot more time with his friends instead of with his kids and me.I told him it really bothers me @ hes been ignoring the situation.I feel alone sometimes @ cry when he doesn't pay attention to me. But, he wont ignore me when he wants sex! should i hold out on him or keep being miserable?
2007-11-12 00:54:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
.
You ask "should I keep being miserable?" Choosing to be miserable is never a reasonable choice. There are a lot of things you could choose to do, but anything that you choose should lead to you eventually being happier.
Whatever you do, please don't turn sex into a barter situation. If there are times that he wants it and you don't, all you have to do is say no to him. But to turn it into something that you would do in exchange for more time with you or the kids is to pervert it into a form of exchange, like money, and that is not how it should be.
You and he need to talk. He needs to know how his actions affect you. If he is making you miserable, then you need to let him know that and that things can't go on like this. One way or another, things have to change. Be willing to work with him. If there is something that you're doing (or not doing) that's driving him away, then you need to know that too. This is a two-way street.
If he won't talk, then tell him that he will HAVE to talk to you or you'll have to decide what your next step is going to be. If the next step is looking into a divorce, that will wake him up. He will either decide that it's time to talk, or you will find out what your relationship is really made of.
As I've said before, you're in a tough situation. Good luck.
.
2007-11-13 00:58:39 · answer #1 · answered by Musicality 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are down to being friends with benefits now? seems like that's what's going on here.
He goes out and has a good time, anchors you with the kids because he's tired of being responsible and then comes home when he feels like it. Then when you put the kids to bed he gets all loving and romantic because he knows that this behavior will get him sex. And , it works.
It's the life for the guy who doesn't want the work that comes with marrage. Great gig if you can get it (from the guys point of view).
So now it comes down to you and what you plan on doing about it. You can cut him off until he starts acting like a husband and takes care of you and the kids and helps out around the house or you can let him keep being the part time husband he is now.
Maybe, one day, when he gets home. jump in the car and leave before he can. Then callhim from the cell and tell him it's your night out with the girls and he gets to watch the kids.
2007-11-12 10:15:18 · answer #2 · answered by old-softy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm I'm guessing your guy is either very young or immature. He hasn't got the whole bachelor thing out of his system. I think it's important for both you and your partner to have the opportunity to go out by yourselves and see your friends, but it's no fun if you're the one who is always stuck at home with the kids.
I guess look at your expectations. If he goes out with his mates once a week, then that's probably fine. If he is seeing way more of his friends than you you need to tell him it is NOT acceptable, that you are NOT a prostitute and will make love when you feel loved!
Good luck!
2007-11-12 09:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by Janey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a wife yes and it is a part of the marriage to have concern about him when it comes to contact........BUT...you are a human being too, you are not a subject-object, you have all the right to avert him or say no if you don't feel like, I guess your worry now is he may find this lack in other women, noo, don't even think of that, just let him realize he is ignoring you and you have to be truthful to him, be frank..communication is all what you need now, not body-communication...don't be miserable,,,,,,,,just hold on to your principle that women are not sex-objects , they should be respected , most especially in terms of sex ok???good luck!
2007-11-12 09:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by E@rthGoddess 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Only you can decide but, my opinion is why waste your valuable,precious time and life with a man that does not care to reciprocate? This man is just one tiny grain of sand, on the beach of life! How many people are their 8 billion or so? You lived your life and survived before you ever knew this man existed right? So, you will survive and be much happier without him all his selfish ways! Peace!
2007-11-12 15:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by sandra b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs their space but also together time. Tell him you are going to your friends and need him to take care of the kids. Some of his own medicine. If you told him how you feel and he chooses to ignore it then there is a problem..its your choice..eventually you may get sick of it and leave. Find someone to pay attention to you. How can you have sex with someone who treats you poorly? Do what feels right to you.
2007-11-12 09:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by susie L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the same thing happened to me a couple months ago with my husband. What I did was ask him to talk with me.I told him exactly how I felt. He told me I'm not interested in anything he likes to do. and I asked him well why do you keep me around then for the sex? Ever since that day his friends stopped hanging around he stopped hanging on the phone with his friends unless i wasnt around. It's alll good now. So yoou need to talk to him. Try even threatening to leave him. try doing things that he's interested in. It worked for me !
2007-11-12 09:10:32 · answer #7 · answered by Shifty_Pink 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start my letting him know you would like to do something together, or go some where or just have the kids go somewhere and you start to massage his neck and start to initiate sex with him he will love that. the more you do that the more he will want you and stay home more often, you start the process and he is sure to follow and he wont even know whats happening to him. he will be happy and you will in turn be happy by the changes in him.. I do this all the time it works.
2007-11-12 09:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont play games with your hubby, boyfriend, whatever he is to you! Step up to the plate and be a woman with some backbone, this sounds like a relationship based on sex, not love and understanding, theirs no communication, and without communicating with one another you will continue having these mixed up emotions that will eventually drag this relationship to its bottom!
2007-11-12 09:14:33 · answer #9 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel, relationship counselling. You would not like a situation where two people living under one roof but that's about it.
2007-11-12 09:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋