Been married 8yrs... met someone... Found a strong connection w/ this person and don't know what to do. Marriage is not perfect...Spouse has cheated b4...I need some help as I am losing my mind...Never felt this way b4...If I do nothing and stay in my marriage will I go my whole life wondering what if? Be rude be kind I don't care just plz help...My marriage has its ups and downs just like anyone else...I am not stating wether I am male or female cuz people tend to become more judgemental...but plz serious answers only! :(
2007-11-12 00:43:16 · 12 answers · asked by meconfused?yes! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think I know, better than anyone else, what is on your mind. Eight years is a long time to throw away. Thirteen is even longer. You are right. Marriage is not perfect. Neither are the two in the marriage. I refuse to try to influence you one way or the other. I will say this. If you want to continue on with the other guy, then you need to make sure you get to know him. Can he support you more emotionally, not financially, than your husband. Only you can make this decision. Make the decision for yourself with no one else's feelings in mind. If the other guy is any kind of a human being at all, then he will support any decision that you make. Also, you have to keep the other guy's feelings in mind. If he is smart, then he realizes that he is taking the chance of you missing what you had with your husband should you choose him. Do not make a decision until you can see every angle with a clear mind.
2007-11-12 02:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No marriage is perfect. They have their ups and downs, and it sounds like this person has come along at a time when your marriage is in a bit of a slump.
This may be something. It may not. Only you know what you have in your marriage, and whether you are prepared to throw it away. Don't use your spouse's previous infidelity as justification for cheating yourself.
You have a choice here. You could take the plunge and have an affair with this person. It could turn into nothing, and the thrill only lasts briefly. This feeling you are getting now does fade eventually, you know. Then you risk destroying your marriage. Is that what you want?
Or you could use the way this person has made you feel about yourself and use that feeling to make your marriage better, stronger, and more exciting. Marriage takes effort and commitment and hard work. If we get complacent, that's when we risk affairs. Take all that adrenaline you have had from this person and use it with your spouse. Talk to your spouse more. Make your marriage better.
2007-11-12 00:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by helly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 8 years and your partner being unfaithful the thought of a bit of excitement in your life probably sounds like a good deal. If you are really unhappy and he is not treating you well then go down the proper path. If you run off with this person and the excitement wears off you will have nothing to go back to. You will be stuck with no-one and a reputation as someone who cheats (and just because your partner does then doesn't mean it's right for you to do it).
If you decide to leave your spouse then do it. Tell him or her and move out. Give yourself some time. Then pursue a relationship with this person if you want to. But just be aware that those initial feelings may change. You need to leave your spouse because you are unhappy with your marriage, NOT because you want to be with this other person. They are just a bonus that may, or may not, work out. Good luck!
2007-11-12 01:23:38 · answer #3 · answered by Janey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im in the same situation so not sure how much help ill be. Not idea what to do either. Our marriage really isnt that bad, we rarely are in fights but we are two differnt people. Im goal oriented, physically active, etc...she isnt, wants to stay at home, fairly lazy, etc.
met someone just like me for the mostpart. We have a great time talking.
I think the "right" thing to do is figure out your own marriage first. Even if it seems petty.....work out the little things. See what happens.
You will get all kinds of people that will say you cant love two people, you are being selfish, etc. You can love two people...and are you supposed to stay and be miserable for the sake of not looking selfish? You are the one behind the closed doors...not us.
The one thing ive found is you can have a strong connection and love lots of people...this person isnt anything terribly unique or special if you got right down to it....they are filling a void in your life somehow. Thats what mine is doing for me.
But......im having tough time letting that person go too.
2007-11-12 03:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by Matt C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two wrongs don't make a right. By cheating on your spouse you become a cheater and a liar just like they are. And the person you are involved with has no honor either, otherwise a cheater and a liar would not be good enough for them. I'd consider what you are about to do and see if you can live with so little self respect. If you haven't tried marital counseling then try it, if your marriage is over then divorce. But to leave one person for another smacks of dependency not love.
2007-11-12 01:06:19 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK. First off DON'T cheat on your husband. It is not going to help anything at all. If you are having problems in your relationship go to MC. You have feelings for this guy, but you probably aren't sure if it is because your marriage is so-so or if you really have feelings for this guy.
Just because your spouse has cheated doesn't mean you get your turn to. What if this guy ends up being nothing. Now you won't have your marriage or this guy.
If your marriage is that bad, you need to end it. To me it sounds like you have already made your decision what you are going to do anyway. And no one can stop you.
2007-11-12 00:57:41 · answer #6 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man or woman it is wrong to cheat and if you have any intentions of being with this person leave your spouse first and don't be like the other and do the sneaking cheating thing.Think long and hard before doing anything.Take sometime out and really think about it.If this other person is worth leaving your spouse for.
2007-11-12 01:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by lollypop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say life is too short to be unhappy. I was married to a great guy for 5 yrs but we just were not meant to be - we had different goals and were going in two seperate directions. I felt guilty not being in love with him anymore b/c I wanted to but couldnt. In my situation there was not another guy/girl, but my advice to you is to do what makes you happy. Plus I would have been out when he/or she cheated. Good Luck!!
2007-11-12 00:52:28 · answer #8 · answered by LindyN 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 04:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your partner cheated but you took him/her back so you forgave him/her. That means there would be no excuse for you cheating.
I think you need to disassociate this other eprson with the state of your marriage. You are committed to marriage, committed to making it work. This other eprson is not an excuse for failing to make it work.
If you want to shag around then thats up to you.
2007-11-12 01:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by Paul M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋