Who do you have more loyalty to? Your spouse or your Family?

Question

To add my thoughts, if you find yourself talking about your spouse to your family or for that matter, your friends BEFORE you speak with your spouse, THERE'S A PROBLEM with your communication skills. You MUST communicate any grievances you have with your spouse first. then you can speak with your family or friends about it. If you don't your spouse will feel left out, with good cause!

Answer 1

My husband- I chose to spend the rest of my life with him. He's my best friend and the person that I will eventually raise a family with. I love my family with all of my heart but my loyalty lies with my husband--he's my family now.

Answer 2

At first I wasn't sure what you're talking about, but I agree. If there's a problem between you and your spouse, then the both of you should take care of it first. Now when it comes to loyalty, then you should pick your spouse first. Your spouse has become your #1 priority the moment you were wed. Later it becomes your kids and spouse, and your family should understand that.

Answer 3

You answered your own question! But yep, you are so right! I see and hear about people all the time who choose, {notice I use the term choose} to be more loyal to a friend over the person with whom they married, its unbelieveable! I mean, why get married if ya cant communicate and share your most personal inner secrets and concerns with your spouse? These are the couples who end up in divorce court, because when the going gets tough, they turn to their so called best friend, and their left not knowing how to work out their differences with the person with whom it should matter, and thats the person who their married to.

Answer 4

Randomly speaking to other about your marriage,family and some so called friend will destroy your marriage with a cause.
Remember a marriage is a bond ,always communicate with your spouse.

Answer 5

I agree with you, but in my particular case, I tend to air grievances (regarding my spouse) to other people in order to get them off my chest and then let them go as far as my spouse is concerned. No need to start a fight over nothing. . .but I agree that your spouse should come first before your family in general.

Answer 6

Loyalty to spouse should always come first. That doesn't mean severing relations with your relatives, but getting married means you have begun a new family and keeping it intact and strong should be priority number one.

Answer 7

Here it is not about loyalty, its about the quality of relationship you have with your spouse, when the quality of relationship is poor then you are bound to share things with family, usually what the out come is: Family is a close knit unit, any one entering a new group is seen as a foreigner, he is treated differently, it may be in a good way or a bad way.
This sound very cultural, a spouse is someone you choose to live, share, and unionize for a walk through life. In certain cultures since marriages are arranged and you really dont know who the person is, there is a lot of time spent knowing the person, and since the relationship is to new during the initial relationship there is too much care to handle delicate situations. Since couples have no idea of what a good relationship is (most of the time good or bad is what is practiced in one's families and witnessed as accepted) they usually run out of ideas because situations and outcome of behavior usually turns out different (each individual is unique), it is at this time a tendency is high to consult the family.

If you want to improve your relationship with your spouse, it is good to honestly share your feelings with your spouse because it is he who you are going to live, hence a working relationship has to be achieved. if you consult your family they are going to say what worked for them and not see what will work for you, In the end it depends on what you want to do. You alone know the situation and you alone have to set a course of action on what will be best for you.

Answer 8

SPOUSE...and they are part of your family. The spouse should be the primary relationship and if they aren't...SHAME ON YOU!!! More so...shame on your parents for raising you with such distorted priorities.


...and in these people who said it is part of their culture...all I respond is B**L***T!!! Sounds like you were raised by people with bad marriages who were trying to turn you into substitues spouses.

Answer 9

I cant believe some of these answers!!!
When you are married, your family plays second fiddle to your spouse. Anything else is an insult to your spouse. Gee...!!!

Answer 10

Is your issue here loyalty? Or might it be obligation, or perhaps respect?

It appears to me that both obligation and respect are the real issues. When one marries, one incurs an obligation to one's spouse that is not met when one "talks out of school" with people outside the marriage. Married or not, one achieves greater success in relationships and in life when one respects the dignity and privacy of everyone with whom one interacts. Respect within a marriage may be as important as love.

There is an exception to the "talking out of school" behavior when one marriage partner seeks outside assistance in understanding and dealing with the other partner's behavior. My wife and I have been married for 35 years. At least once she sought outside assistance from a pastor in understanding/dealing with my behavior, I once sought outside assistance from a clinical psychologist in understanding/dealing with her behavior. In both cases we could, of course, have proceeded directly to communicating our grievances with one another. When one partner is uncertain about the level of understanding of, or ability to deal effectively with, the behavior involved, this "communicating our grievances with one another" tends to make divorce attorneys very rich. This, however, pales compared to the billions divorce attorneys rake in because one spouse chose to blab or complain about the other to family and/or friends.

You sound as though you have a specific case in mind, that your spouse blabbed/complained to family or friends. You might want to address this in terms of respect rather than loyalty. That's probably the respectful thing to do.

Best of luck. As I said, we've been married 35 years. Our church has a practice of regularly asking members to rise during the service and talk about good things in their lives, then put a dollar in a basket that goes to a specific charity. A few weeks ago we announced that it was our 35th wedding anniversary and we wanted to put a dollar in the basket for every happy year - so here's the eleven dollars.