What can i do?

Question

I cheated on my husband... and got caught... we worked it out... he thinks i'm still cheating even through i'm not... and has left me.... how can i get him back... we've been married 16years and have to kids....

Answer 1

You can't get him back, it is for him to decide whether he wants you back in his life or not. You betrayed his trust and are now reaping wht you sowed, I'm sorry but this is what you should have expected.

Answer 2

Unfortunately it does not matter & will never matter whether U are cheating or not. Just because U did cheat he is more than likely always going to think that U are. That is one of the MANY MANY MANY downsides to cheating.(not like there are any ups...Duh)If U can win your husband back U are going to have to literally do some major @ss kissing. I hate to tell you that, but it is so true. U are going to have to do whatever it takes to prove to this man that U will NEVER make the same mistake twice. I know nothing about your life, but I suggest that U do not use the computer w/out him being present, give up you cell phone or either keep it right out in the open so if he wanted to check it he could, ask him to go everywhere with you so he knows that U aren't sneaking off doing something wrong and using the grocery store as an excuse, of course, cut all ties w/the man and anyone else that your husband feel uncomfprtable with...If U haven't already done this then tell your parents or if you can't do that then at least tell your siblings. By you telling someone that close to you then it is almost like an insurance policy to your husband that U would never do it again not only because him, but because of how your family feels about the situation. Do not go out at night w/out him. Like, no more girl's night out if you have those. Another thing you may want to consider is alienation anyone from your life that knew about this affair. Your husband will forever have hard feelings against anyone who knew about it & did not tell him. Good luck............I wish you the best!

I had to abrubtly go while I was answering this question. I am gonna make it short and sweet. You are going to have to be very submissive for a while in order for your husband to gain trust and faith in you. You are gonna have to do WHATEVER it takes to prove to him that past mistakes will not be repeated. This will not last forever. His pain, anger & resentment will fade(a little) over time. There will always be that shred of doubt, but how deep that doubt goes depends on your future behavior. There are actually articles that I have read that said having an affair was the best thing that had ever happened to the couples that the article was about. It made the husband and wife realize how much they loves one another and how much the marriage was lacking.It made them want to change. You do all you can to win your husband back. You get him back under the same roof as you and YOU DO NOT LET HIM GO AGAIN! Don't beat yourself up too much either. You are only human. You are not the 1st person to ever make this mistake and you are certainly not the last. Let your husband see the you are remorseful but that you have forgiven yourself. If you walk around with your anguish and guilt written all over your face it is just gonna be a constant reminder to him of the affair. This will take time, but turn it around in your favor. Build a stronger union and a stronger bond. IT CAN BE DONE. I TRULY and seriously do wish you guys the best. God Bless you and your marriage.

Answer 3

Trust is built back up by a series of actions over a long period of time. This is very difficult. Usually it does mean that you have to work extra hard to prove yourself. It might even seem unfair at times that you are currently doing nothing wrong, but continue to have to prove that you aren't. It's just the way it works. Many times there comes a time when you think that if you're going to be accused of doing something that you are not doing, then you might as well go ahead and do it. That's the point when it becomes unrepairable...but still the burden rests on you.

If it was me. I would always have it in the back of my mind to question if you are being truthful and it would probably never completely go away. It will improve over time. I think the question becomes can he and you be "satisfied" with the level of trust as it re-builds.

Answer 4

First you must be patient and understand the ramafications of your actions. Words will not get him to forgive you. It's a long process. Most likely he doesn't want to speak to you, still you have to try to open the lines of communications. Most likely your conversations will be about the kids, use this as a chance to talk about other things. Well talking to him, look him in the eyes, make sure he sees that you love him and miss him. Once you get him to open up to other conversation, let him know you miss him. You've already apologized to him before, so don't do it again. If a man is willing to forgive his wife, he doesn't want to hear it and doesn't want it brought up. So, let him know how much you miss, need, want, and can't live without him. If you cater to his male ego, he might come back..... But most likely he won't forgive you. It's almost impossible for a man to forgive his wife for cheating. When a wife cheats, it makes a man feel less than a man, so he can never feel man enough for that woman.

Answer 5

What are you doing to rebuild the trust? YES YOU. You broke the trust, so if your just expecting to go on as if nothing happened, think again. You have to do something. If you were a man you'd already have 30 responses telling you how much of a scumbag you are. Get to work. Get in counseling with a therapist who doesn't try to make a bunch of excuses for you.

Answer 6

Trust, once lost is the hardest thing to regain. Love is easy compared to trust.

You can't get him back simply because you want him. He has to learn to trust you again. That may take some time, and depending on his nature, he may never be able to get there again.

I hope for your sake that things work out. Talk to him and try to build his trust in you back up.

Good Luck

Answer 7

This is already a fair outcome. It's called consequences. Learn for the next time you marry.
You have rung your bell and are now asking how to unring it.
btw. You worked it out. He didn't.

Answer 8

Unfortunately it's true. Us woman tend to crucify men if they cheat. I would suggest you leave him alone for a while. Men keep stuff to themselves and needs more time to work it out for themselves. Don't rush him and don't harass him over this. The least you can do now is to give him time. You already apologized. He will contact you with his decision.

Answer 9

The one reason God gives for divorce is adultery. You are suffering some of the consequences for this terrible sin.

Answer 10

to quote Dr Phil.....he'll never forgive you until he feels you know just how much you hurt him.