How do I tell my husband his mother is a crazy pain in the ***, in a nice way?

Question

Ok so I know most mother-in-laws are a bit annoying but mine is over the top! She calls my husband at least 4 times a day & for the stupidest things! She not old and helpless shes in her 50's and married to a guy in his 30's, but she calls on my husband for every little thing! She is very into gardening & if she need something like a heavy pot moved she calls him! And she expects him to drop anything he is doing to do it! If he tells her he is busy she guilts him into it! She calls him to remind her how to use her remote, or to ask him to remind her later her show is coming on and tons of other crazy things! And she is so demanding, we offered her one of our old T.V's when we bought a new one but she asked why she couldn't have the nicer one in our guest room! Then she said we needed to bring it over by a certain date! She calls while were out to diner & expects him to talk anyway, and he does! It is driving me crazy and I fear it is going to end our relationship what can I do?

Actually Cynic I don't want to control him at all I want his mother to stop trying to control him maybe you missed that part. I'm sorry if you couldn't comprehend the question, I'll try using smaller words next time.

Things were not like this before we were married we lived far away from her then, so I understood why she called so much then. And its not like we just got married its been over two yrs.

Answer 1

I'm sure he's aware of how it bothers you honey. But, being that he's a mama's boy, it might not be enough to make him stop. Reason being is that he's only watching your expressions and demeanor when she calls. You need to vocalize your feelings about "the situation" (not her), to him and ask him for some sort of compromise. (If you try to cut him off from mommy all together, it'll come off as you are making him choose). Simply say "Honey, I know you love your mother, and I respect the relationship you have with her, but she's cutting into our family time." Then say, "I know she misses her little boy, but you've grown and she's moved on, so she shouldn't need so much assistance with these little things, that is what her husband is for". At this point, he'll either agree or become defensive. If he becomes defensive, stop. It's not worth the argument. It's now time to go and have a talk with the mommy manipulator. Starting off with the same speech would probably work. And if you get no help there, then talk to her 30 yr old man-candy. I'm sure it's gotting be killing his self esteem to know that she can't depend on him for anything.

This is one of those catch 22 situations hon. You have to tip-toe around it and find some sort of balance. If you get no compromise, then simply insist that the phone gets shut off during certain times. If he won't, do it for him, and change the message on the voice mail to say something about enjoying quiet family time in this crazy world just so mommy dearest doesn't come looking for you.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I don't know if you have any kids by him I'm assuming you don't. I know you won't comprehend this but wait until you have a son you will do the same thing. Yes,i know your saying to yourself,you won't do that. You will just like most mother do,he might be your husband but he is her son for life. Remember you will be a mother in-law yourself one day.
I know how you feel i had the same problem as you, she was getting on my nerves so bad. I married a momma's boy and we moved across the street from my in-laws. Just go with it and don't let it up set you. You really can't do anything about it and if you try talking to your husband about his mother,i would be very careful if i were you. Mothers and sons have a special bond just like daughters and father do.

Answer 3

Why are you b1tching about MIL, when it's HUBBY'S behavior that is driving you nuts? It's not how often she phones, but that hubby is constantly available to answer her calls. It's not that she is demanding, but that hubby gives in to unreasonable demands. You two need to establish some household rules for BOTH of you about interuptions, rules like turning phones OFF -- not vibrate, OFF -- while you two are spending time together, rules like not allowing the whims of others to interupt your activities. Don't answer your phones! Let callers leave you a message. Check your messages every few hours, and whatever possible put off dealing with the matter until tomorrow. Don't put this to you husband in terms of criticizing MIL's neediness. Put it in terms of YOU AND HUBBY BOTH needing to get your priorities straight and not allow outsiders to disrupt your routine. If you wanted these constant "emergency" interuptions, you'd have married a cardiac surgeon.

Answer 4

Apparently she brought him up like she wanted him to be a mammas boy. Also 30 year old husband is probably not paying any attention to her. She is depressed because her son is not around anymore. Just let him know what you think the next time she interupts your dinner, or conversation. Tell him to shut his cell phone off, or tell him he pays more attention to his mother than you. She is not going to stop until he gives her a guilt trip. GET YOUR TV BACK AND GIVE HER THE OTHER ONE!!

Answer 5

How to tell your husband that in a nice way? Whisper it to his picture! Why do you want to fight the age old losing battle?

Looking to get your husband more interested in answering to your beck & call (no insult intended)? Less complaining about these incidents with his mother and more sex with your husband. If he can remember YOUR warm embrace while he's cleaning out the garage or anticipate it while he takes out the garbage his mother's demands will get answered less and less (give him time). Believe me...she can't compete with THAT.

Answer 6

She probably just misses having him around.


Just tell your husband how you feel. Say things like "I feel stressed and uncomfortable when you mother calls multiple times a day, demanding your attention for small things. This makes me upset and I feel that this is straining our relationship." instead of "Your mom is insane. You need to choose between me or her!" Be as calm and as rational as possible and make sure you tell him this when he's calm and rational.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

If you love your husband you'll be patient and excuse his mother's behavior. She's had him since birth and probably is having a hard time sharing him with you. When you married him you accepted his baggage also which includes his mother. No matter how annoying she may be she's a major part of your new family. Try to make the situations less complicated by stepping back and letting him handle it as best as possible. As long as you don't get disrecpected in the process keeping your peace is my best advice. He's not going to accept your criticizm of him beloved mother.

Answer 8

OMG my mother in law is the same way, I told my husband honey your mommy needs to cut the cord, you have two other brothers that could do things for her.

whatever you tell him I'm sure he will understand good luck!

Answer 9

Dont
this is his mom
and you are his wife
let them have their time together and you call your mom or go for a walk
let him get the phone everytime and make sure that you kee being the wife. She is not in contest with you and he needs to be the one to set limits.

Answer 10

You do realise that the problem is with your husband not your mother in law. He is the one who absolutely must set boundaries here and tell her that enough is enough! If he can't do that then I would leave him or else move well away from her.