My husband and I are always apart ??

Question

We have a home but his career takes him out of town as does mine. We can't seem to ever get together because of our wierd schedules. We have talked about divorce (mostly over the phone) but we really love eachother and don't want to split. We talk everyday and try hard to stay together. What would you do in my position?

Answer 1

My wife and I used to be in that situation.

We both changed careers, so that we could spend more time together!! :)

We got tired of stressing over which of us should be the one to change careers, and figured it was much fairer if we BOTH did so. :)

Answer 2

You both have to sit down asking each other about the Relationship and future. Love is there but, You both can not come to a term of compromise. Why not move to a city that his career takes off? Then you look for a new job in order to be together. If you both own a home you have to rent it out in case you want to keep it. Divorce is not an issue however your problem is Priority in both of your guys' marriage. One person has to give and the other has to support. Sit down and write the numbers as well as calculate the time. I went through the same thing 3 months ago and now I sort through my problem and I feel like I am alive and well. Take my advice and others then, combine the ideas together, I am sure you will see the light. Hurry and I warn you there are so many women out there looking for others partners even though they know the men are marry. Please call him for a meeting and take on this problem.

Answer 3

Sweetie, I've been in your position for a long time. My (soon to be ex)husband of 21 years is a truck driver. Without going into a lot of detail here: Do what feels right for the two of you!!!!!!!

If your relationship works and you love each other, who cares if most of your interactions are over the phone.

We did it for years, although I stopped loving him and wanted to leave about 6 years ago, I've stuck around until now for the sake of my kids.

The not seeing each other, over the phone relationship didn't work for us because I felt very emotionally neglected. There was never a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, or strong arms to hold me when I needed that.

I'm a strong woman, I've raised 2 of the most fantastic kids - as a 'married single mom'.

It doesn't sound like you have children to consider.

What would I do in your position - What ever feels right and works FOR THE TWO OF YOU.

Your relationship only matters to you - you don't need anyone else's permission to live your lives the way you want.

Good Luck Sweetie!

Answer 4

Your query for an opinion leaves very little detail...

What are your occupations? How many hours in the day do you each work? How days of the month are spent away from the home for each of you?

How long have you been married? Get along well? Have common interests? Children?

Point is that if you ruminate over one aspect of your relationship, you'll never get an opportunity to appreciate the good things about your marriage.

Also, consider this: if from the beginning, you and your spouse have always had a strong, healthy relationship, this particular episode... chapter... in your life will pass strengthening your resolve to stay together...

if, from the beginning, there are insecurities that you two hid from each other, then they will bubble to the surface under the stress of seperation... your relationship will fold like the house of cards it is...

Find a counselor trained in family therapy... specifically couples... divorce is never a solution... unless there is abuse involved.

Answer 5

I would evaluate my life and how important it is to compromise for a common goal. If you two really want to be together then someone should make the sacrafice and work less hours or out of your home. If you live like this for too long then you're already seperated but haven't put it in writing. We all make time for what's important to us. No career is more important than our loved ones. You can get another position but you can't get another true love. I would work less hours or work from home. If I have to risk not seeing my husband then it's a career path I'm not willing to take and I'm sure he feels the same. We're in this together and no career comes before one another....

Answer 6

Sounds like you have to figure out what is more important, career's or your marriage. If it is career's, then you may want to just admit that you are not ready for marriage and throw the towel in and stay great friends (with benefits), if your marriage is most important, then you both have to work together and learn to sacrifice for each other, and that would mean that one or both of you would need to make a career change that will allow you to actually live a married life. Best of luck to both of you!

Answer 7

I would say that you have to make a decision as to what is more important to you at this point - career or your marriage. Perhaps one of you can cut back on hours or change jobs or find a way to be more flexible in schedule so that its easier to be together or be home when the other spouse is home. One or both of you can venture in a business together so that you can spend time together while working as well. Its good that your lines of communication are open even if its via phone and you did say that you love each other and dont want to split so you dont really have to split. You do have to make changes though. Take a step back, access everything, finances, other career options, other potential compromise you can set with regards to traveling for work. I suggest you take a vacation, just the 2 of you, uninterrupted and rekindle the togetherness, spend time together, have fun with each other and see how it goes. :) Best of luck!

Answer 8

just because you are always apart, you think a divorce would be the answer? The fact that you both still love each other, i don't see any reason for you to split up. Instead. why not plan an exciting date or something, while you are away from home. And when you get the chance to be together, make it happy,exciting, romantic and add a little surprise. That way, you will both be looking forward to your next date. You will feel good and happy when you see him happy too.

Answer 9

What do you both love more each other or your jobs. There are many jobs out there but only one of you. Even if you both get a divorce and marry some one else your jobs will still cause the same problems in the new marrage. I would find a job that is just as satisfing but gives me time with the one i love or we both change our schedule.

Answer 10

What's your priority? Your career or your marriage? If your careers don't support your marraige, then you are headed for divorce. Is there no way you could both take jobs that keep you in the same town? Look at all your options and think otuside the box.

Answer 11

Compromises begets happiness~~mostly. My husband and I have lived apart for a year and a half. Not for divorce or seperation, but for our senior parents. He takes care of his senior mother in New England, and I take care of my senior father in the Mid-Atlantic. However, we're both going to make sacrifices next month. He's moving down here and I am moving in with him. We're getting our own apartment. A handful of negatives will come out of this, but it's the positives we're focusing on. I hope you and your husband see that when making compromises, you view these as benefits to your marriage. If you still love eachother and want to make it work, there's always a way. Don't rush to divorce, it should be a last resort. Compromise~~the two of you~~you let go of your job for one that will give you more time, but he should do the same. It's only fair. That way, you both will have more WE time. Sounds simple? Easier said than done, but isn't as difficult as it seems.
Think this through.