My boyfriend is now in hospital suffering from chronic alcoholism, compounded by diabetes. I told someone at w

Question

work I thought I could trust. On leaving for lunch, I realised almost immediately I had forgotten my keys, and caught this woman telling my boss who is a bit of a snob anyway. In that split moment their faces told the story!! Later, I told my boss anyway as I had intended, and she said well I hope you are well or something like that. Question now!!!! Do I approach the gossiper, or as I love my job, accept the fact they WILL ALL really enjoy this, because I DO NOT JOIN IN ANY GOSSIP, but have heard plenty of it. I am popular with the public in my job and do it better than some and I work hard, so should I just maintain my dignity and decorum or what. I would love them to know that I heard them gossiping especially the one who broke my confidential problem to my boss. I am too worrried about my boyfriend to deal with them, but should I tackle that girl about it. He is seriously ill now and if it was me I would be supporting a colleague as much as I could not gossip. Do you agree?

Answer 1

You had the need to tell someone, which you did. Now that someone has betrayed your trust. I would just accept it and learn from it that most people are not trustworthy. If you do react in any way, you give control to the other woman and as a private person, I am sure you don't want that. Dignity and disdain are called for. You say you caught the woman telling your boss so she probably is waiting for you to approach her. Personally I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

Answer 2

You told your colleague something and she didn't sign a confidentiality clause, I don't know what you expected. If your BF was in hospital for cancer or something I think there would be room for sympathy but the bottom line is that he is killing himself the slow way much like George Best and no amount of spin is going to change that. He has chosen alcohol over everything, his health, you, probably his family and his selfishness by proxy is threatening your livelyhood. IT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH GOSSIP, what do you expect people to do, they are probably saying that they pity you - how could you, more than likely a very nice person, be with someone who cares so little about you that he wants to drink himself to death.

Do not be fooled by the argument that alcoholism is a disease that is what they want you to believe, they thrive on your support, they manipulate you to make you feel responsible for their drinking and they use your disapproval as reason to go and do it and you probably believe it, you have probably convinced yourself that he really can be so sweet when he is sober and that makes up for all the rest, you are wrong.

I don't know how old you are but if you are looking at this guy as a long term prospect then you should be aware that it probably won't be, and given his current situation do you think he would be good parenting material, I have to tell you that the odds are stacked against you, he will not give up drinking I would bet any amount on that but it is your life if you want to waste it playing nursemaid to an alcoholic it is your call.

As for your question I would thank your colleague for getting it out in the open now you can hold your head up and play the martyr but don't expect sympathy for your BF unless he gets his act together and proves it by staying sober, if he does that then chances are he might survive.

I honestly have not said anything here to be nasty, I wish you all the luck in the world and I do hope that you resolve your issues with your colleagues, it is NOT their fault, your BF's drinking is creating the problem and it is now affecting EVERY aspect of your life, it really is time for you to assess what you need to do and to demand some commitment from your BF because relationships are a two way street. Again, best wishes.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for you. I had the same thing happen. I told one coworker that I told on another for being lazy and she told the whole place.

For the past year, she's got everyone against me. They gossip and are rude all this time, and gossip every single day ( I know the type ). Yet, I was frustrated one time I work hard, too...that they do know.

I look at it this way, it is a hard lesson...but never ever tell your personal life to anyone at work...that chliche' is true....do not mix business and pleasure/personal. I've learned that most will not stand up for anything and there are no friends there.

Just keep quiet from now on....say no more about it at all. If any questions come your way...say, I've decided not to discuss my personal life at work. If they persist, tell them everything is much better now....with NO details of any kind. Always keep things general....it is lousy there is no one to talk to or have listen...but that is reality.

Just keep quiet!!!!!

Answer 4

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I am very happy to tell you that I have been feeling better than I have felt in years and my doctor informed me that he will be taking me off my prescriptions if I keep this up.

I recommend you use the Type 2 Diabetes Destroyer to naturally reverse your diabetes.

Answer 5

Firstly, you trusted a colleague at work enough to tell them about your personal problem. You told them in confidence so that person has broken the unspoken etiquette of confidentiality. It would have been wiser if you told your boss before telling anyone else.

However, you are not in the wrong, but your gossipping colleague needs to apologise to you. Try and stay strong for your boyfriend and not let the office gossip get to you.

Answer 6

I am a recovering alcoholic, this Wenesday it will be exactly one year since I had my last drink, and my intention is to die a total abstainer.

I would totally ignore this woman, she does not understand, like many others in society, that alcoholism is a disease, just like diabetes, it can be treated.

I'm sure by now your boyfriend will have been told about AA,
they are a wonderful organisation and without doubt have, and continue to save my life.

I go to at least three meetings a week, and appart from keeping me sober, they are very sociable and often entertaining events. I met my fiance at one of these meetings and hope to get married next year.

There are many 'open' meetings where you could go with your boyfriend to learn more about this disease, or you could join 'Alanon' which is an umbrella organisation designed for coping and understanding living with an alcoholic partner.

It is easy to find your local groups, or if you prefer you can email me first for a chat, or if you prefer to talk to a female, you could chat with my fiance Caz.

Answer 7

Just go about business as usual. It's not worth approaching the gossiper. She'll deny it or come up with a lame excuse. And the result will be you becoming annoyed and more upset. I'd let it go.

Also remember, that gossip and rumors come and go quickly. Before you know it, you will no longer be the latest topic of discussion. Trust me on this one.

Answer 8

Was she merely gossiping or maybe trying to explain to your boss that you may be a little out of sorts because of your ill boyfriend? That way the usually snooty boss may give you a little break if your'e not working to your potential because of personal problems. That just may be the case, ya know?

Answer 9

Don't stoop to her level, stay above all that, gossiping and rumor spreading does hurt people, its not a very kind thing to do, focus on your problems at hand, the rest will take care of itself.

Answer 10

optimistically not one of the above, Wee best chum is a physically powerful guy, a minimum of he has a feeling of humour, which seems to be lacking in alot of gamers at present.. even nonetheless I even have heard he's taking commonplace remedies for Stakebakeitus, and Auldsbakers Stakestoateretes syndrome...