I've been with my bf for 2 yrs and we love eachother more than anything. The problem is we haven't been doing anything sexual for a while now. We used to 'do stuff' and have sex all the time, usually everyday. Up until about 8 months ago we just barely ever do, maybe once a month, or less. I always find porn on his computer and hes always making comments about other girls. About how they look and stuff and is also always saying things about me that he doesnt like. He says that i am pretty and that he loves me, and i know he loves me. But idk if hes lying about being attracted to me, bc if he was then he would want to be intimate with me. Hes never horny for me and gets so excited about other girls. I dont want to break up with him bc i know he truly loves me, and obviously isn't using me. But it breaks my heart that he isn't attracted to me or anything. I'm not fat, i weigh about 108 and im 5'0, and i have a pretty face, i think what bothers him is that i have a scar on my belly...
2007-11-10 14:32:37 · 37 answers · asked by *Babycakes* 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
that is really ugly... so i think that turns him off.. its from when i was a baby and it saved my life. Its not my fault that i have it and i try to look my best for him but it seems like nothing is good enough, i'll never have the perfect body that he wants and i wish he would axcept that. He just fantasizes about his porn sluts that he watches... and the other night we were watching tv and i started to rub him down there, and he just started freaking out and told me to stop... thats happend twice in the past couple weeks, he just doesnt want me to be sexual with him. Yet he wants to pleasure himself when i'm gone. And just stare at every girl and wish he had them. I know he loves me... but this is really starting to depress me about myself, idk what to do?! Can someone please give me advice?! Also, i am 19 and hes 18 if that helps with anything...
2007-11-10 14:33:33 · update #1
...meant accept*
2007-11-10 14:34:32 · update #2
guys are wierd.. haha. I understand what you are going through because my boyfriend and I are kinda going through the same thing... only we have been together 5 years. I bought some toys from my friend who was a "slumber party" consultant... and that kinda spiced things up.... I bought some naughty dice and that was alot of fun. Set the mood first, light some candles and play some music, play a game... and that might help! Good luck!
2007-11-10 14:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though there is a problem between the two of you that he has not found the courage to talk about. I dont know if it is that he thinks your cheating on him, or maybe he is cheating on you or something else, but there is definitely a problem there that should be discussed.
Try to get him to open up to you. Sit down at the dinner table or in the living room (not the bedroom) and not right next to him and ask him point blank what is going on. The direct approach is always best with this sort of thing as there is not any room for error with something that is this important to you.
Encourage him to talk and be honest and perhaps promise to let him finish before you say anything. You might even suggest that he write something out if he is uncomfortable talking about it with you face to face, some people have a hard time talking about that sort of thing and it is sometimes easier to write down complex feelings.
Above all let him know that you love him and want to make him happy and let him know that youre not happy with the way things are at the present...
But in the end, you have to make a decision that is very important to you. So be confident in your judgement and do what is going to make you happy. A sexual relationship takes a lot of work and it is a two way street, requiring particiaption, willingly not grudgingly. Good luck with this and feel free to contact me directly if you would like to talk more about this...
2007-11-10 14:44:24 · answer #2 · answered by walter4p46 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man who has made every mistake a man could possibly make, I think I might be able to give you insight, but you might not like it much.
The boy is over you but doesnt have it in him to say so.
He probaby thinks you're a terrific girl but can tell you its all over (because of a scar??) and he feels like the lame dick he is.
You see if you eventually get sick of the neglect and just pack up and go, he can say he didnt really do anything to you to make you leave, and then he can move on without guilt.
The porn is his way of saying all his hormones are working but you arent the thing making them flow for him.
Its time to grab your stuff, take a deep breath and go girl.
As a parting gift you could buy him an inflatable woman to keep him company until he finds his porn queen.
You are only 19 so dont waste a minute of your valuable life's time waiting for things to get better with him.
He probably wont notice you arent there for a while, so, go and have a cry, and find another guy who will treat you like the treasure all girls and young women are.
Move towards happiness. There is lots of it out there :-)
2007-11-10 14:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but there is a good possibility that he loves you but is no longer passionate about you. Plus, he's 18 and I have never known an 18 year old man who doesn't fantasize about "porn sluts" and wanting to have different partners. 18 is when the sexual peak usually begins for a man and at that point they basically start thinking with their *****. And their ***** don't always want what they already have.
I would confront him. If you need to have the physical relationship in order to maintain the love relationship, then you are definitely selling yourself short. Let him know that you want to be physically intimate with him and if he doesn't want the same thing maybe it's time to say goodbye. But don't ever ever think that someone doesn't want you because you have one flaw. This one is his hang up not yours.
2007-11-10 14:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Deep inside he "loves you" but he is maybe not "in love" with you. Those are two VERY different things that my ex told. Obviously there is something about the relationship, not you, that he is not finding attractive anymore.
I really don't think it's going to change for the better. It seems that you should start thinking about yourself and find someone else before your self-esteem hits rock bottom. Believe me, don't get stubborn on the past, concentrate on the present so you can have a better future.
Leave having this relationship as a great memory and something that taught you a lot not someone that ruin you.
2007-11-10 14:40:20 · answer #5 · answered by celestial-zen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may sound cruel but it is honest. We men love the chase and we love to concur. Now that you have had sex fairly regular he has conquered you and now he is off on another hunting expedition. He may want to stay with you then again he may not.
Don't give him ultimatums that will drive him away. If you want him to stay join in and help him on his quest for more. If you can do it, and not become jealous or angry, allow him to have some other conquests but keep him coming back to you. Use your charm and wits keeping him guessing a little bit.
A wise woman will do this...never feel you own him and never let him believe he owns you. Love him, have sex with him, and even help him to have sex with a few that YOU help him choose. but by the same token let him know if he is allowed to have some others you must also be allowed the same privileges as well.
This will keep the sparks flying between you and your boyfriend sexually as well as for married couples. If you care to do the research like I have done for the past 15 years you will find I am more right than wrong.
2007-11-10 15:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by pinelake302 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Porn is bad because it leads guys to have unrealistic expectations of what a normal girl looks like. Never mind that a team of people fixed her hair, makeup and operations she had to get the perfect t*ts and oh by the way airbrushed to death yes even celebrities have cellulite and think about how much cash they got to blow.
Your boyfriend may love you but he is no longer in love with you, And your not doing yourself any sort of a service by staying with him because you think his unrealistic views are going to change I"m afraid my friend that they are only going to get worse with time because he doesn't see that he has a problem and there for he isn't going to see a need to fix it.
But because your not willing to leave the relationship your going to waste the next few years of your life being second best to something that doesn't even exist. Most likely when he's having sex with you he's picturing someone else. Does that make you mad? I hope so because it's likely true and you deserve better.
2007-11-10 14:43:58 · answer #7 · answered by Time To Go 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok now you sound like a pretty girl. So what that you have a scar on your belly, if the man loves you he will not care at all about something like that because it is so trivial. Please listen to this, I am a 35 year old woman and when I was about 32 I found out my husband was having an affair. I felt it in my gut and then when I found the pictures and letters, it confirmed it. He still loves me, he says and we worked thru it but the trust will never be the same. You are young and what is important is communication. If he is extremely important to you and you to him you need to communicate, this is key. ASK ASK ASK! Tell him you are ready for answers. Check out his cellphone or emails too! If he still is acting suspicious you are young....move on Good luck
2007-11-10 14:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by kerry c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like sex is still important to him, just not with you. I thinks he’s tired of you and it’s not about your scar. You had that when he wanted you. He just wants something new. Odds are good eventually he’ll cheat on you. Of course he just wants sex from them, but he LOVES you. He might say. He may just want you around so he’s not alone.
If you had been married over ten years I would say his love for you developed pass the need for sex, but seeing how young you guys are and he still wants sex, that’s not the case here. Sit him down and have a serious talk about this. Let him know how important sex is to you and your relationship and find out what it means to him and why the change.
I would get ready to leave him. I hope you guys can work this out before someone cheats.
2007-11-10 14:49:19 · answer #9 · answered by justmythoughts 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship with a similar guy for 3 years. He was a little older, but we had sex about twice a month. He is insecure about himself, for whatever reason, and feels that the porn girls will make him feel like more of a man. This is NOT a phase, it just goes on until the relationship is over.
You deserve more than that, and at your age, you should not waste your time. After two years, he should treat you better.
2007-11-10 14:39:46 · answer #10 · answered by Alice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋