im trying to cope with a recent seperation.?

Question

My husband spends all his spare time at the pub he dosn't want to be with me and seems our children.last week he spent every night there and uses the excuse he works so hard.
i have had enough.he told our children he would watch them at swimming club but on the way home we saw him at the pub and didnt get home till late claiming he was so tired from work i cant remember the last time he sat and ate a meal with us.
to all our friends he is just the best person hes funny, generous and seems to be caring but at home he is completly different.
i love him but have had enough of his drinking and him thinking about himself. after plenty of arguments to try and keep him at home so we can be a family i have had it and he has gone have i done the right thing.the kids are used to him not being here and seem ok but they will react as this goes on longer

Answer 1

yep sounds like my life when i was growing up.. been there done that.. sounds like hes not willing to change so its time for you to make the change in your life. i remember my father also being the fun and great man in our town. but people dont know what goes on behind closed doors. and its never what the outside world thinks. my parents finely got that divorce and it all worked out great. its time for you to make new tracks and find yourself with happiness again. cause that life is not a happy life to leave and you dont want to waste another minute of your life feeling that way. life is short enough and why be unhappy.. good luck

Answer 2

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. He has to spend time with his family as well.

It's not all about him.

Crap, I feel like that sometimes. Point is that he needs to realize that booze is not a solution. staying away is not a solution.

When I get home and see the smiling face of my kids (5 &10)I feel like a million bucks. they revitalize me and make me happy.

the problems do come back but hey, after the drinking the problems will still be there. Family however will not.

My father made the wrong choice many years ago and he is now not part of my family. He is old and lonely but he made the choice way back then. when he tried to make amends, it was too late.

if your husband doesn't shape up, he will be in the same predicament in the near future.

On the other hand, what do you do to help your husband?
are you working? are you managing your spenditures well? now days prices are going up and up and up. and what one salary used to cover is now just a joke.

good luck.
you're doing what seems right at this moment.

Answer 3

Busy your self. A seperation crossed my direction lately besides, and a buddy compelled me out into the international. It changed into between the great issues she ever did. It made me comprehend how a lot extra to existence there changed into, and it extremely did get my options off of it. Plan a lot of social events, connect a health middle or club, and attempt something you have not in any respect accomplished before. ultimately you'll ask your self why you've been so unhappy contained in the first position, and the completed element will be in the back of you. The WORST element you should do is stay on it. For my first 2 weeks after the seperation i wallowed, wishing i ought to have accomplished something otherwise to stay in that relationship. in this way, you're convincing your self that you're the guy who ruined the relationship, or perhaps if it extremely is real, its undesirable to keep reminding your self. get out and far flung from something that reminds you of your previous, and im particular you'd be out of the tangle very promptly.

Answer 4

You have to put your foot down sometime right. He's never there anyway, sooo...whats new....he obviously has a drinking problem or is seeing other women, either way, he's an a$$. My mother in law has the same problem. Her husband is never home. She says she doesnt care, but she does. I wish she would leave his fat A$$ actually. He's lazy, cant keep a job for more than a year, and has no respect for her. Why do you want to be with a man like that. My husband whom I've been with for 9 years now is always home with me and the kids. He loves spending time with us. He goes out twice a month maybe the most with his friends, and so do i. There are times for friends night out, and time for your family. We all know that if you dont want a family, dont have one in the first place. I have to kick my husband out of the house just so I can go shopping with my girlfriends. He gets hurt when I dont want to spend quality time with him....My Best friends husband is the same way. My point is, you shouldnt dwell on your looser ex, and find someone who wantst he same things as you. My mom did. Shes 47, and moved on witha 35 year old, who always want to be with her, spoils her, where my dad was always gone drinking with his friends too. Just find someone who you can be with, who wants to be with you too.

Answer 5

First of all, he is not being a good role model for your kids. Secondly, he is your husband, which means you have an obligation to work things out with him, and compromise, however, he also holds the same obligation and if he's not willing to work on the relationship, then you need to step up and leave him. Please be considerate of the children but also keep your own pride. If he won't give you or the kids what you guys need, then find someone that will (easier said than done), but you'll find true happiness with a person that appreciates you.

Answer 6

You know the easiest thing people can say is get a divorce and you'll be happy and they'll be happy because don't have to hear you complain about him anymore. But is it really happiness after divorce? No, and especially if you have kids. He will always be in your life as long as the kids are alive. Special events, when your daughter gives birth, children get married, graduate, he will be there, and he will always be their father. You know us wives don't understand our husbands. They work long and hard to provide the living and do we ever appreciate them or do we just take the money and tell them you better support us. Men need appreciation. And the best way you can give it to him it is by appreciating his work. I know of a book that I'm reading right now that can help you. it's call "Fascinating Womanhood" http://www.zealandpublishing.co.nz/womanhood%20book%20secrets%20of.html

Hope things get better for you. Please take a look at this website even if it's just for 5 mins.

Answer 7

They may eventually start acting out but that will wash over and then they will react for the better. If he chooses to be a part of their lives then he can do that from a different residence. You did the right thing here. The kids need to know that what he was doing was not the right way to do things when you have a family and responsibilities. You have just taught them that. Stick to your guns on this one you are in the right here.

Answer 8

Yes you did the right thing. Marriage cannot survive if both parties don't work a it. It is better for your children not to be brought up in a home where the husband does not respect the wife.

Good Luck

Answer 9

You ARE doing the right thing. You are supposed to be a family, and not hope that he doesn't go to the pub on a certain night. Wouldn't you and your children prefer someone that is around all the time

Answer 10

Since he was gone so much perhaps they never really bonded with him as a normal father-son relationship and in fact if he kept breaking promises to be somewhere and went to the pub instead they may even be glad that he is gone. You don't really want to say anything bad to them about him but perhaps simply that he has a problem with his drinking. If they seem okay, don't worry about it and get on with your life and perhaps you may meet someone else to love you and be a real father to the kids!!