My husband dated a gal eleven years ago. He has told me that he fell in love with her and wanted to marry her. When he asked her, she rejected him and said she wasn't ready for marriage. My husband told me this woman left him to find a man who didn't want a commitment.
I am not questioning my husband, but doesn't that sound strange? My husband also told me (last night in fact) he is not in love with this woman, he loves me. But he does have love for her, just is not in love with her. (Thinks about her sometimes and hopes shes doing ok. Wherever she might be. His words. ) I had no idea how to respond. When he noticed that I was speechless, he started apoligizing, telling me he shouldn't of said anything.
I trust my husband, and I know he loves me. Very much. I know that he wouldn't leave me. But...how do you respond to something like that?!
2007-11-10 13:17:18 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He told me about her once. He doesn't bring her up at all. Just the one time. Then last night I asked him if she was one of those girls who was into her career. (Was just a comment, although I didn't need to ask him that, just for no reason)
We have been thinking of me quitting my job and staying at home with the kids. That was what broght it up I guess.
Sorry about the horrible spelling!
2007-11-10 13:21:00 · update #1
You don't need to respond to it. I'm a man, happily married for 12 years and I have to admit that at times I do wonder what life would have been like if things had worked out with girlfriend A, or if I'd got together with girl B and so on.
It's only natural, and doesn't mean (at least to me) that I love my wife any less. I met my wife, fell in love and married and like any marriage we have our ups and downs. I can't imagine being with anybody else until the day I die, and I hope (and pray) that nothing will happen to change that.
Before I got together with my wife I was in a relationship that ended badly, yet I don't hold any animosity and (like your husband) do hope she's doing well. There's no chance we would ever get back together, but even though it ended badly I don't wish her ill.
Does that make me a bad person? I hope not, I wouldn't cross the street to avoid her, but I wouldn't ignore her either. Should my wife be worried? I don't think so. I hope (and trust) that she knows me well enough to know that there's no risk.
At the end of the day if you trust your husband, which it sounds like you do, then accept it for what it is - honesty. From what you've said I don't believe he's going to stray and after 11 years you don't have anything to worry about.
2007-11-10 13:31:13 · answer #1 · answered by RPG Pro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry yourself to much I know that your fear is that what would happen if this girl where to come back into his life would he leave you for her. You know that he loves you and it is o.k. for you to feel like this. Just remember that this is someone from the past and you are his present and future you know in your heart that he wouldn't leave you. You can have love for someone and not be in love with them it is the kind of love that you have for a friend that you wish for the best and care for their well being. I say you just forget about it because it is only going to torture you and in the process you might push your husband away because he is going to say that you don't trust him. You love your husband and he obviously loves you or else he wouldn't be so sorry keep on going with your lives together and supporting each other. I hope I was able to help.
2007-11-10 13:31:29 · answer #2 · answered by gabrielaqlejandra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend is in the same type of story but opposite you. She is am married now, and there was a guy she was with right before her husband. Let me tell you, she still thinks about him atleast once a week. She always wonders how he is doing, and she tells me that if she were to see him again, even though she loves her husband very much, she would probably fall back in the love with that guy the way she felt with him when they were together. Your husband says he doesnt love her like that cause its been so long since he saw her, but if he did see her again, all those feelings would come rushing back, even though he loves you too. YOu dont have to worry about it until he sees her again, so ... i dont know what to tell you. You dont want to believe it because it hurts, but its true, even if he denies it, I think that if he saw her again, and if given the chance, he would either leave you for her, or if he loves you too much to leave, he would just cheat with her, and stay with you.
2007-11-10 13:30:13 · answer #3 · answered by laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband loves you very much, so much i fact that he is comfortable in telling you about a first love.
That kind of trust and love is rare and you should cherish it and him. He can still have love in his heart for someone that he once loved and it does not take away from his love for you at all.
As for your quitting your job to stay home, that should be a decision the two of you talk over and weigh the consequenses before it is done.
Good Luck
2007-11-10 13:34:33 · answer #4 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for him to wonder what happened to a woman that he loved and wanted to marry. You have a very good relationship for him to tell you this. He trusts you enough to tell you things like this. You can't get much better than that. It is not strange. There are a lot of people that are not ready for marriage when others are. Some of them are just not smart enough not to settle for what they do not want. I would tell him that I am glad that he feels comfortable enough to tell you something like that and that it is alright. Do not worry about her or question his love for you.
2007-11-10 13:31:28 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, tell him exactly how you feel
you could say something like, oh, well how come you never told me this before..
He wanted to marry her, so I am sure he was in live with her and realy cared for her, he was rejected and I am sure that hurt, so it is realy natural tto think about her now and then.
sometimes in life we will sit back and just reminise about our past and when we are doing this and different things enter our minds we may think, I wonder what would have happened if............... or i wonder how things would be today if i had done this.or this would have happened..............
I am sure your husband was just thinking back through some old times,,and you should just talk to hiim,keep a good path of communication and not let it bother you
2007-11-10 13:26:49 · answer #6 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That must make you feel terrible to have him tell you he thinks of her sometimes... But after awhile it should maybe not be something you think about. If you two have a strong relationship and you love eachother you dont have to sweat it. Things happen for a reason so since they didnt marry, you met and fell in love and that should be what you think about most.
2007-11-10 14:42:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.Jessica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that if he apologizes again for that, cut him off and tell him not too. Why? Because he shouldn't apologize. You understand why he cares for the woman. If he was having an affair, he wouldn't tell you. You trust him, and let him know that. It is a people-thing to care for other people you know or have feelings for. Of all, tell your husband that you're glad that he's being open about how he feels.
Then again, being a male, my opinion may be rather biased. Although in my point of view it isn't.
2007-11-10 13:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by Super Asian 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you really dont. i guess you just say "okay sweetie" and really move on from there. its perfectly possible and normal to love someone but not be in love with him. what he means by "love" is love for a friend. perhaps a close friend.
EDIT: id say just drop the whole thing ever happened. its something he said and that was all no need to constantly bring it back up again. there is nothing to be jealous of or fear really.
2007-11-10 13:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by djmixah7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my question to you is why would he tell you this 11 yrs later. if it was before you came along it shouldnt matter to either of you.. if this came out of the blue then it something thats on his mind and had felt he had to confess it. that also makes me wonder why he felt the need to tell you all this. i would ask him what made him feel he needed to tell you that. has he seen her in passing and it brought up old feelings or maybe its just nothing at all and was just on his mind.. if he was willing to tell you what he did then he should be willing to answer a few questions that he has made you think of. either way it might not be nothing but you wont know if you dont ask.. good luck.. i hope its nothing but a passing thought he had. good luck
2007-11-10 13:25:18 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋