Should we move in together?

Question

My boyfriend will be overseas for 5 months when he comes home. We have been talking over e-mail and phone whenever we get the chance. We know that there are dramatic changes that are going to take place and we are willing to make those changes. But because we both live in two different states because of his job, we dicided that we both don't want to be apart from each other anymore.
Can anyone give me advice? What should I do? We want to move in together in January right after he gets home.
If we do move in together, can anyone tell me what it's like living with your one true love?

xoxo
K.M.

Answer 1

It is very different and can make or break a relationship. You give up privacy for the most part and you have to start considering someone elses feelings and ideas to make decisions as well as your own. No more doing what you want when you want, you have to compromise.

The good part is having someone to talk to no matter what time of day or night, someone to love and hold during the night. Someone you can really be yourself with and not have to worry about your hair or makeup.

It can be truely wonderful

Good Luck

Answer 2

I'll go out on a limb and guess the reason you are asking this is because you are concerned that the time you have spent apart means that you may have some challenges with living together.

The philosopher-poet Rilke said that "love is the greatest pursuit, the thing for which all other pursuits are but practice", which I take to mean that living with your "one true love" is something you've got to practice to do. You can't do that living away from the person, so you're about to start.

But it also means you are going to have your challenges. Love don't come cheap, as the saying goes, and you're going to have your tough times; but, if the philosophers, poets, artists, and lovers of all the millenia before you are right, you'll be just fine. When you develop love, it is the most rewarding thing in the world and eclipses everything else.

Best wishes on your new life!

Answer 3

Wow, what a question.

Living together is a major, major, thing, especially if you've never lived with a partner before. The only advice I, or anyone, can give is to follow your heart but at the same time don't ignore your head.

You will find that at first everything is fabulous, the "rose tinted glasses" syndrome, but you will both find that there are things that irritate each of you. It may be leaving the toilet seat up or not putting socks in the laundry bag (not likely for a service-man), but there'll be something.

Whatever it is, remember that you're different people with different outlooks and make allowances for each other. Living together is as likely to be frightening (and strange) to your boyfriend as it is to you. If either of you finds yourself getting wound up then try to remember what it is that attracted you to each other in the first place.

Talk, communicate and don't hide your feelings. If you're pissed at something then say so. There's nothing worse (from a mans point of view) of wondering what it is they've said or done, or not said or not done to upset the woman they love.

Finally, I wish you all the luck and love you deserve in your future life together and hope that it all works out.

Answer 4

If they really are you one true love, it's great. What's not so great is being apart and used to your own space and then all the sudden being smashed together all the time. It can put added stress on a relationship. What I have seen work really well is to move to the same town, but have separate apartments at first- about 6 mos. or a year depending on how short a lease you can get. Yes, it's more expensive, but it can really help. Then if you end up at each other's places all the time and you're used to him being home you can move in together.
I say definitely move to the same area as him at least. You bothe deserve it after being apart.

Answer 5

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have lived together for about 3. I really enjoy leaving together with him. We both work all day during the week, so it is nice to have that time together at night. Plus who doesn't love cuddling up and falling asleep in your boyfriend's arms. The only con I have seen so far is that he isn't the cleaning type. I tend to do more of the laundry and chores around the house. Sometimes I have to fuss about that. As long as you are ready to take this step, it should be fine. I would prefer living with my boyfriend before marriage anyways because it lets you know how it will be when you live with this person.

Answer 6

Move in together but don't get married yet. Too many people move into marriage to quick. It is wiser to live together to see how you get along. If it really works out then you will know he's the right kind of man you want for a husband. My wife and I lived together for 4 years during college before we decided we were ready for marriage.
The first years of marriage for a newly married couple is always the toughest. We were lucky that we lived together first. Our first year during those college years was hard. but we made it through it and now have been married for 11 years. From my own personal experience I would recommend people living together before getting married. I think it would save a lot of the nasty divorces that we see all to much nowadays.

Answer 7

I think you should move in together to make the relationship even stronger. Even if it doesnt work out (which we hope that wont happen) you can always move back.

No one can really tell you what its like living with your one true love because its different for everybody and you have to experience it yourself. Dont go through life guessing and wondering - just move in and you will know what its like! If you dont you might be missing out...and you will never know.

You cant keep building on a relationship through the phone or email.

Answer 8

My boyfriend and I just moved in together, and have a similar situation. He worked out of town during the week and was home on the weekend. Now, he is home full time! I am so glad we moved in together, it just makes things so much more convienent and we get to do more things together and really get to know eachothers little quirks. It was really lonley at first, but I wouldn't change our situation. I would say go for it, it's probably the only way you'll really know if it was meant to be. Just make sure you have a fall back, just in case. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Depends on how well you know each other and how long you've been together. I moved in with a guy after dating him for a year (six months of which were when he was in other state) and I found out that not only did I get to enjoy him during lazy Sunday mornings, but I had to listen to (and smell the stench of) his irritable bowels -- which, by the way, were irritated by EVERYTHING.
If you go into it with limited expectations (that is, you don't expect him to be perfect, you know you'll have to work things out, you have ideas on how to diffuse harsh situations, you talk about practical matters -- like are you going to split the bills or who will pay what -- and you are willing to work work WORK at the relationship every day knowing that it wont' always be bliss) and with a realistic attitude, then maybe you are mature enough to take this step.
It also helps if you guys talk about a lot of stuff that people don't often talk about (religion, financial issues, timeline for marriage) and are honest and open with each other on how your differences will affect each other and your relationship.

Just one example: I had no idea how much my then-live-in-boyfriend like Internet porn. Although I was fine with it after I found out, it started to get to me when I realized, he would be just fine looking at it all weekend long and NEVER having sex. (pointless to me)
It wasn't something I wanted to talk about because it was so taboo, but ultimately, it was one of the things that drove us apart.

Answer 10

I live with my boyfriend and I love it. But it was a huge change, and we decided to do this really suddenly and didn't put much thought into it. but I am glad we did it. One thing you should realize is, that you will probably be arguing alot more but about silly stuff like forgetting to take out the trash and leaving dirty dishes out. These fights don't mean that you arent compatible, they are just fights about the house, not relationship fights. make sense? it took me a while to realize this, because my boyfriend and I never fought and then we moved in together and we were arguing quite a bit and i thought we were so not compatible but that wasnt the case. good luck!