I have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband is a functional, binge drinking, alcoholic. For 3 years I have told him I have not been happy with the marriage and we need to seek counseling. I did so on my own for three years. I feel like my husband has been a teenage son rather that a spouse and I am burnt out. I think he may be bipolar also. Mood swings and depression. He currently is not drinking, (that I know of) and says he will not drink anymore. I finally decided after the past 3 years that I do want to separate and NOW he wants to go to counseling. He says he knows he has issues but he says I do too. After 3 years I have come to terms that this marriage is over and I am ready to move on. He is ready to try, I think a bit too late. He is saying that some of the way he is is because of me. Now I am feeling wishy-washy and 2nd guessing my decision! Thoughts anyone...
2007-11-10 12:10:46 · 10 answers · asked by Q T pie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No i do not think ur crazy... After 3 yrs of working on it by ur self who wouldnt be tired? And the fact of him tryin to blame u for the way he is...he has some nerve! Marriage is hard enough when both people are working at it - but now that ur ready to throw the towel in he is ready... thats bull s***. Sounds to me that he didnt wanna work on changing his self till he knew you were leaving.... my advice is to maybe not divorce him just get seperated and live in another house hold for awhile to see how things go and if he really wants his family back he will work hard then wont he?
2007-11-10 12:21:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs.Jessica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it really just is too late. Dont feel bad for wanting to be happy, or at least not unhappy anymore. Especially if you have at anytime felt like his mother. Its been a long time you have been carrying the weight of this marriage on your own. Its totally within your rights to want to stop that. And your husband sounds more like he is comfortable with the situation and just now has realized your gonna leave, so he wants to make changes. He has already caused both of you and your kids to waste time. If you know that you dont want to be there and counseling at this point is useless, Dont waste anymore time. Its not fair to any of you. especially your kids. And it sounds to me like he isnt really accepting his role as alcoholic as he should since he is trying to blame a portion of his behavior on you. He is responsible for his own self and maybe leaving him alone will make him take responsibility. But after so much time you have to realize you cant change him dont let him change you, into something you dont want to be. Good luck my dear!
2007-11-10 20:29:26 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your instinct! Don't drag something that's died years ago. If the love is gone and you're unhappy, it's time to move on. I see my friends go through these situations (although not as harsh as yours) and I always wonder why they bother. After it DOES end, they always have this wave of sadness and grief, but eventually they see it was all for the best.
In your situation, I see it can be a bit more difficult considering your children. In time, they will understand the situation. But you're never going to be happy stuck where you are! Make some changes and go with it. Be happy (:
2007-11-10 20:23:31 · answer #3 · answered by Andrew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The upside to going to counseling with him now is that you will know, without a doubt, that you did everything you could to save your marriage (and who knows, it could possibly help)
However, if you decide to go and things still aren't working out and you still have the issues that you had before, then you'll know you made the right decision about ending the marriage and you'll never look back wondering "What if?"
2007-11-10 20:18:54 · answer #4 · answered by espionelite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it one more try hon.It usually takes the threat of divorce to make a man see he really DOES have a problem.
I hate it took all that for him to see it, but if he is willing then go to counseling.
Also, you may have issues that you dont think are issues that you wrongly justify without realizing it or being perfectly honest with yourself.Although I know life with an alcoholic is not pretty.
Give it one more chance.Also try getting in church because it will take the power of GOD to break his addiction to alcohol.The United Pentecostal churches are great and they have a program for druggies and alcoholics.
2007-11-10 20:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!! This is the same thing they all say..
Most alcoholics have mental problems too.
Your man is just giving you empty promises!!!
Trust me,,, he will NEVER change! They cant.
The only thing they love is alcohol.
He is lying about not drinking now,, he is doing it in secret.
It is sad, but it is not your fault he is addicted. He will never be ok. He will make up issues that you have to deflect his problem.
I just dumped my GF because of it and it was really hard to do.
But now I have a great healthy girl that I can have a future with.
My mind was in a fog and I wanted to help her so bad.
Now that I am out and see just how bad she really is, I thank god I left,,best thing I ever did!!!!
Get out as soon as you can.
I could write 10 pages of stuff to you about why you should leave.
2007-11-10 20:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by crasher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all i can say is look deeply into your heart and if you still love him any maybe if hes now willing to go to counseling then go with him. get him to maybe go to AA.if hes not willing to stop for you and your kids then its time to get help or get out. if you no longer love him then maybe file for divorce- he might go to great lengths to prove to you then he can quit.but if hes blaming you then you both need to seek help because I dont know why hes blaming his drinking on you but he needs to tell you what about you supposedly makes him the way he is. you both have a lot of things to work out first then if you guys cant come to terms then get divorced.he just might need a wake up call. but you have to do whats best for you and your 2 kids.
2007-11-10 20:18:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not crazy to feel as you do. At the same time, I would give him a chance. You may find he really changes back into that prince you married. Or, you may find that yes, you want to go through with divorce. But everyone deserves at least one second chance.
2007-11-11 02:16:45 · answer #8 · answered by Linni 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think he is going to change if there is a chance then you should give him some time to try for the kids sakes and then make your decison.
2007-11-10 20:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I know you are tired of watching him destroy himself and I know you love him, but love him enough to let go. If meant to be it will return.. There is no excuse for you all to suffer. Oneday he will not wake up and he is not seeing the whole picture. Good luck
2007-11-10 20:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋