My husband and I have a 2 year old together and he has a 3 and 5 year old with his ex girlfriend. My concern is not for my son as he has always seen mommy and daddy together. However I am concerned for my step children. They have a basic idea that I am daddy's girlfriend but how do we explain that we are now married (4 days ago). Sometimes the 5 year old asks why doesnt daddy live at his mommy's house. i mean how do we explain to a 5 year old that his parents are not together nor will they ever be together again and daddy is now married to me and what that means?
2007-11-10 11:47:48 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am not rying to lie to them or anything i meant more say how can i put it so they can understand
2007-11-10 12:10:45 · update #1
just say to your children that u got married with them because u liked him cause in your question you said they know that you are boyfriend and girlfriend
2007-11-10 11:52:59 · answer #1 · answered by KRIS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are still pretty young to understand the intricacies of relationshps. The 5 year old will probably wonder why they weren't invited to the wedding. His father needs to explain to him that he is now married to you. The next time they visit, Dad can just mention over dinner that "Hey, we've got some news for you: We were married a few days ago."
So, let me do the math, here -- he has a 3 year old with his ex, and 2 year old with you -- so as soon as his 3 year old was born, he got you pregnant . . .? What a prince. No wonder the kids are confused.
2007-11-10 11:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing they were not part of the ceremony. You don't really have to explain to the 3 year old but the 5 year old will remember. I think your husband needs to discuss with his ex on how she is handling it on her end and he might want to talk to his son about how you are his wife (maybe he can help make a wedding present for you if he wants) it's not going to be easy for the boy if he hasn't accepted the divorce but it seems like you two are concerned with his feelings and that is important. It's a tough concept for him to grasp - don't explain too much just answer any questions he has. Lots of luck and congratulations on your new marriage - Lot's of love!
2007-11-10 11:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by Carolyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! You just have to tell them that you love each other so much you decided to get married. They know more than you think, and you already have a baby together that they think of as a brother or sister. It's a good and nice lesson in love and life - they probably already know that their mom and dad aren't together anymore and that both parents love them but just didn't love each other anymore and that's why they don't live together. But they can know that daddy is loved by you and that you love them too so are giving them a bigger family.
2007-11-10 11:53:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are so young, even at the age of 5 it's hard to understand these things.
Just keep reminding him, "Daddy and I are married now. He's not married to Mommy but she's still your mommy and she loves you."
As they get older they'll understand. It's not important that they grasp the whole idea immediately. Just as long as they are loved, it's all that matters.
2007-11-10 11:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by Beth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not something you should have to explain. This is something your husband should have explained to your children long before you got married. He should have involved them in the process and prepared them ahead of time.
He needs to explain to them that the two of you love each other very much and decided to get married, and that's it. A five year old does not need to be burdened with the details of the relationships. Keep it simple, but gently answer any questions the child may have.
2007-11-10 11:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I guess I would have invited the children to the wedding or have them take a place in the event. That is very difficult now because it seems so confusing to the children. Being what it is, you are doing the right thing by explaining the basic idea to them. I am sure they are all such cutie pies!!
2007-11-10 12:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by franj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had included them in your wedding it would have solved all of those issues.
At 5 yrs old they don't see the world as we do, but if they are included in the celebrations of the wedding they understand the ramifications better and grasp the concept.
Good Luck that's a hard one to overcome, you may just want to let time handle it and when he asks questions just answer them honestly.
Sugar coating things only make it worse later on.
2007-11-10 12:04:37 · answer #8 · answered by unknown friend 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so hard. I am always afraid I will say something to my kids that will hurt them or be the wrong thing or whatever. There are some good kids books out there, though that explain things to kids really well. We have one called Dinosaurs Divorce, it has lots of chapters, not all about divorce. It talks about new families, different houses, love everywhere and gets kids talking about how they feel about it. You just listen and love them. You will be in my prayers.
2007-11-10 11:55:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your husband and the ex sit down and say the truth that him and mommy is no longer together. I did that I lost count how many after three times.
2007-11-10 11:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by Aunt Ruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there and done that. There was only one child [3yo] involved.
You and you husband sit them down and tell them like they deserve to know because they do. Announce your news and don't drag it on and on. Ask if they have questions. If they say no then I would leave the room so that your husband can ask one more time if they have questions. Little ones are ALWAYS more comfortable with the bio parent.
2007-11-10 11:57:06 · answer #11 · answered by Sara J. W. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋