Seniors....do you ever worry that your spouse or other family members might not really care for you?

Question

When you really need it?

"When you really need it" means when you really need it. I've been extreemly upset to hear of grown looser children who lock mom in a room and drink her retirement away...or a husband or wife "leaves" when the other partner requires thier help....or uses up ones retirement with the promise all will be ok...only to be ditched when the times comes.

Answer 1

I don't worry any more, they have proved that they won't be. My daughter is the only one that might be there for me. My son is too busy with his successful life and wife and her family that I get these "certain holiday days" with them which are far and few, and her family and she decides these things and my son goes along with it, I think because he was raised by me, as his dad left me for my friend when he was 3 and his sister was 2. I hink he wants so badly to be part of a large family and is so blinded by love that he doesn't even realize what I do through. But one day when I am gone it is going to hit him hard the way he has been the last few years. That is his natural consequence for his actions. As for the rest of my family there are all gone except for a niece, and a nephew and his family that I am close to and can sometimes depend on, but they work so much overtime that I rarely ask anymore. I have come to the realization that you can only count on God, and what he will provide for you and He always does. In the end we have to go it alone and that is just pray of the life. I am no longer bitter and try not to be hurt by it. I try to except what is and enjoy each day as best I can.

Answer 2

I already know that no one will be there. A prime example was when i had a 9 1/2 hour surgery. My son and his partner went to NY to be with his partners mother while she had surgery. That mother had a husband, 2 daughters and a son at ther bedside. I had no one. My son called once to see how I was. The doctor had called my son because of complications with the surgery, my son never returned the call.
I can honestly tell you, I was deeply hurt and resented their actions. I am trying to forgive and I have but it remains in the back of my mind. ^ months after the first surgery, I went for another 4 hour surgery, and my son never called to see how I was. Post surgery, i take care of myself without help, it was extremely difficult since I had to use a walker and was not allowed to stand, walk, cook or do housework , but it is OK, I learned their character

I brought this up one time and my son aid he didn't deserve a "guilt" trip

My feelings are if you don't want to feel guilty, so the right thing

Answer 3

You just dont know who will be there when you need it But I have noticed a strange tendency for it often to be the one who was the "black sheep" who is there when the going gets tough. The "good" successful children often seem to be too busy with their successful lives. I asked for help but it was always my turn never theirs and , they would take him to family parties which he was physicaly not able to cope with I took him away for holidays to timeshare destinations alone so we could go at his pace. When I was nursing my father through his terminal illness this last May I asked for help but the wonderful clever siblings were busy with conferences and parties, they organised for a family friend to bring chinese food to the hospital while I was sitting beside him, signing him out for walks in a wheel chair the day before he died I walked him by the sea.
I asked for help but only my children who were estranged from my father would help me. As soon as I asked they were on their way using their mobile phones en route to cancel their commitments to answer my call.
I was holding dad's hand when he died and my sisters had their mobiles switched off so I couldnt bother them in their more important activities. I couldnt conatct them, I had to leave text messages to tell them that heir father had just died.
I organised the funeral and wake but later they abused me for not giving them a fair say in what happened to dad's ashes and upsetting them.
I hope he will forgive me for no longer putting up with their complaints and for not doing with his ashes what I promised I would in returning him to his mother. I give in, my sisters can have his ashes. I cant bear the pain of their criticism because I have a much more important job to do just now and now that dad is dead I can not undo the harm done to him then.
I don't wish them any harm I just wish they would leave me alone now that they have let me down so badly.
I did it while he was alive, now I must make the best of what I can for the living.
I certainly do not worry that my children will not be there, becasue when I called, they did come no matter that they disliked my father nor that it was very inconvenient. I asked and they came immediately no question.
You never know how you will die or if indeed you will ever need anyone. Maybe I will die suddenly and never need it.

Answer 4

It's a terribly sad thing, this feeling... many of us have been through things in our lives that we NEVER thought could even be in the realm of possibilities... and unfortunately the majority of the time it comes from a family member, or someone you consider to be family. Many have been abandoned, abused and, dishonored... by parents, a mate, children, friends, I think we have pretty much seen it all...
Knowing what we do... about life... about people... yes... this is always a worry... you are not alone in this.
There are times I have to wonder if we ever truly know anyone, if we truly know what they are capable of... I have certainly been surprised by this in the past.

Answer 5

I don't have any family members, so I worry about who will be in charge of everything. Believe it or not, I have asked a couple of friends, and they told me they do not want the responsibility. Yes, I have heard stories of people who let elderly family members lives with them, so they can get their money, but they don't give them proper care.A story is in the papers around here quite frequently.

Answer 6

My parents died a number of years ago. My wife's parents are so mean, so rude, so self-correct about everything in life, while everyone else is an idiot and totally wrong, we do not care if they live or die. Just leave us alone! Constant guilt trips from the two of them. As for my son, he is too much into himself. I know we cannot depend upon him for anything. So we will not even ask when the time comes. My wife and I stick by each other because we support each other daily.

Answer 7

No, my family have always been there for me. I'm the one who would never want to be a burden on them, but I know they love me and do and will do all they can to help me when ever I need it. I feel really bad for those who's family aren't there for them during hard times or who mistreat them in any way.

Answer 8

With all the undesirable issues that are occurring around the area and the themes we are having in the u . s . a ., being uninteresting has by no capacity crossed my techniques. If I even have bored somebody to dying, i'm not attentive to it, nor has every person instructed me that I a bore.

Answer 9

Yes, sometimes. I'm six years older then my spouse to start off with and our four children I'm never sure about. Will they be there if we really need them, will they repay us for all we have done for them? Hopefully I won't have to find out as I'm very healthy for my age and longevity runs in my family.

Answer 10

It's been the opposite for me. There are family members with whom I choose to have no more communication.