My husband and I have be seperated and we have been working on our marraige and everytime we see each other it is me going to see him . I feeling like I'm the only one putting any real effort at trying to make it happen for the relationship.
I'm the only one doing any ground work, spending money and
energy and taking time to drive to see him . Is that truly fair when he could come see sometimes?
2007-11-10 11:28:50 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he truly wants to work on the marriage too, he should be making the effort also. But be aware that you may be flogging a dead horse. If he's not putting the effort in, you may find yourself being the only one trying, and no-one can make a marriage work with just one willing. Its like trying to run a three-legged race with only one person running. You may be able to drag the other with you, but eventually you will get too tired of the effort involved.
The only question is "Are you the one who got this off the rails?". Was it something that you did that caused this separation? Cheating, addiction, violence? Then its up to you to fix yourself BEFORE trying to fix the relationship.
If it was more his doing (any of the above) then you can't fix it until he decides to work on his problems.
2007-11-10 12:01:33 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your shoes I'd sit down and ask him what he really wants, and if he really is trying because it doesn't seem fair for your to do all that traveling and him not put any of the same want or drive into taking action to see you... honestly, just tell him that you need to see some effort on his part and that you just feel you are wasting time and energy if you are the only one in this to make it work...
2007-11-10 19:35:47 · answer #2 · answered by geonhope 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he should! I'm in a long distance now. I was pretty busy recently and my partner had to visit me a couple of times without me visiting him, and after some time, he told he he doesn't feel too good about it (exactly as you put it - as though he is putting all the effort). I agreed, and now we visit in turns.
You should tell that to your husband. If he doesn't want to put the effort then... you don't have much of a choice than to look for someone else. Someone who appreciates you.
2007-11-10 19:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, of course he should. Was his taking you for granted a reason for the initial separation? I take it from your question that there is no good reason for him not coming to see you. You can continue to put all the work in or, if I were you, stop, start focusing on your own life and the things you want to do. If he loves you and is just used to you doing all the running then it may shock him into action. If not then at least you know and have started building your life for your own future. It's hard I know, good luck!
2007-11-10 19:35:58 · answer #4 · answered by SF 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You already know the answer to this question but if you need verification; No, it is NOT fair that he doesn't make more effort to come see you. If you feel you are the only one putting forth effort then you probably ARE the only one.
2007-11-10 19:39:07 · answer #5 · answered by Hidden .38 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You meeting him all the time is one big thing in your favour. Does he do other thing all the time when you see him , that might be conscrude as something in his favour? Have you more time available to yourself?
If your really doing all the work etc. then decide if it's worth the effort or even worth it. Good luck.
2007-11-10 21:04:40 · answer #6 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So the only thing it takes to fix a broken marriage is getting in the car and driving 20 miles? Surely he is doing something to fix the relationship, otherwise why would you keep going to see him.
2007-11-10 19:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with you he seems lazy does he have a job where works alot unless he has a reason not to put in 100 percent i think you are doing all the relationship work so you know yourself you need to tell him about this and what broke you two up in the first place
2007-11-10 19:35:16 · answer #8 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this way then you need to discuss it with him. Tell him that you would like to do every other weekend at his place and he needs to come to your place for the opposing weekends. If he refuses then you know that he is really not interested in meeting you half way with this reconcile and you need to re-evaluate it. If he is serious about working it out with you then he will be willing to at least compromise a little with you.
2007-11-10 19:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop what you are doing and see what happens.this sound like a one side story and you husband is winning.You need to ask yourself an important Question:How did we get like this in this marriage and why?
He is still doing the same old stuff,and you senses it but you have to admit it to yourself first in order to believe it's happening
2007-11-10 19:40:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋