Why do husband cheat and then blame it on their wives?

Question

I have been married for 5 yrs in Jan and we have been together for 7 yrs and last month my husband walked out on me..He has been cheating for the last 2 months with a high school friend.. It hurts knowing that he turned his back on me.. He will not even talk to me...The part that I am confused about is that I still love him and I am having a hard time letting go...

Answer 1

You have to learn to let go and remember that if you love something you let it go. If it comes back to you it is yours, and if not, it never was. He is immature to have thrown away that much time with you but he may be very confused as well in that he went back to something so far in his past. I suspect the reason he won't talk to you is that he feels guilty about leaving you for her. You should get counseling for this and I suspect that he may well want to come back in time so make him get counseling as well if he does.
Otherwise, you have to tell yourself that he lied to you about his wish to make a life together and start doing things to keep from thinking abut him. Try finding new friends, new things to do, join a gym perhaps or even go back to school if you are still young enough and want to do that.
Perhaps if you go to handwriting wizard.com you can learn how to analyze people from their handwriting and that will give you something to occupy your mind and give you a way to judge the next guy a little better. I will give you a link to another site to check his handwriting as well. You have to remember the person you love would never do this to you and so somewhere about two months ago he died and this other person you do not know took his place. You will find love again but in the meantime you have to realize that you did your best and move on. I wish you happiness and someone new to love you and not treat you as poorly as this guy did.

Answer 2

Because some men think because their missing something from home or your not satisfying in a certain way, its okay to go out there and be unfaithful. The funny pary is is that they dont inform you how they feel in case the problem can be worked out first.

Its very hard when your married because you made an official commitment, if he refuses to talk to you or seek counseling its best that you learn to adjust to the next steps, wether its separation or divorce. Do you have children?

I havent been married but I can relate to how you feel? Try to invest your time into something else so as to not cause so much stress on you.

Remember, you did nothing wrong!!!!!!! He did. So dont feel guilty..Of course you still love him, you had no idea what was going on so its hard to revert your feelings for him instantly. It will take time, but you will be okay...Do you really want to stay married to someone who would treat you like that, blame you, and refuse to talk to you?

You are much better than that and you dont need that kind of person in your life..

Answer 3

People cheat when their needs or desires are not being met. I'm sorry that you feel that way but there was a big communication problem between you and hubby. Why do you want him to still talk to you?

Here is what you need to do after the break up. I'm so sorry you're suffering a loss. Friends are often very wise, and yours watched your ups and downs and saw that it wasn't a great fit. If you asked, "Are we calling it quits?" you also knew it wasn't working very well. It's time for head over heart. Every time you email or contact him, you reopen the wound and begin your grieving over again.

What you may not realize is that you're not in love with your ex; you're in love with your fantasy of your ex. You've taken every tiny good moment you remember, forgotten all the unpleasant ones, and created a gorgeous fantasy for yourself that no real man can live up to. That's not good for you, and doesn't make for a happy life. You may also be resisting letting him go because you've decided it means something bad about you -- that you weren't good enough for him. What's true is that he wasn't good for you.

Forgive yourself, forgive him, and put away all your dreams and mementos. Literally, box up everything that reminds you of him -- pictures, cards, letters, gifts -- and get them out of your sight. Spend time with your friends, and build a good life for yourself. Before you know it, you'll figure out what went wrong here; you'll open up to other men; and you'll be able to put this relationship in the category of "memory" and build a new one that's even better. As long as you learn and grow, you'll always get something better

Answer 4

First of all let me say I can empathize with your hurt. I know what it is like to love someone and to have them have an affair. It is a crushing thing to deal with. I wanted so desperately to stay with her even after the affairs but she really wasn't ready to turn away from her "friend". There was much more to damage our relationship but that was more than I could take. We have been divorced since February and even today I still wonder "what if". Then I get my head on straight and remember how bad it hurt to learn of her affairs and her blaming me for what she "chose". I wish it had not happened. She was someone I truly loved. I am better now and with the help of Jesus I continue to find hope for today. I try not to dwell on what happened as it is in the PAST and I don't want my past to affect my future. I learned a lot from that relationship and more than anything I learned how to respect myself and value who I am even though she didn't. I am still working through forgiveness and I am much better off without her in my life. It nearly cost me everything I am and now I find that I have LIFE gain.

If he is unwilling to turn around completely and get counseling and truly repent for what he has done I would advise letting him go. He will only cause you more pain. Ask yourself why you love this person. Answer honestly and don't just look at the positive but truly recognize what he is doing. He is making a CHOICE!

In the mean time don't let your hurt drive you to do something you will regret later. In other words don't do what he is doing to sooth your pain or to retaliate. It will only hurt you in the long run.

I truly wish you well. It will be a tough road but if I can get through it so can you.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for you. However, if he can easily walk away from 7 years how true and genuine was his love for you? I was in his position but me and my hubby split for a couple of months. I began seeing someone but couldn't bring myself to sleep with this guy. He was a new touch, smell, person. Ask yourself if you could just do to him what he did to you....No you couldn't could you? So now, you know how much he really loved you. Sweetie as hard as this may sound he was going to leave you eventually anyway he never really loved you like you loved him. Understand that his highschool friend isn't getting much of a man and honey he will reap what he has sown and it the story will get back to you no matter how far you go....I would surround myself around people who truly love me and try to heal so that when you meet your next husband you will be prepared for him....If you are still struggling, get into some counseling or try to relocate. Do whatever is best for YOU.Do what you need to do for YOU. Because right now, its about YOU.

Answer 6

Of course you are; you just lost a very important part of your life in a very cruel, sudden way. His behavior is typical; when men cheat they feel bad but don't want to talk about it or admit they are losers so they handle it by saying nothing at all. Inside you may think you still love him, because this is so sudden, but when you have had time to digest it more you will not feel so bereft.
Like when someone has an arm or a leg amputated they still feel the limb and phantom pain...it's the suddenness.

Answer 7

im sorry, i dont know why men sometimes stray and i do know that it hurts when someone u love and have been with for so long to just leave and make u feel that you did something wrong, and then all it makes u do is go crazy and wish u could go back and change things, but u cant.
sometimes its easier to blame someone then to look inside yourself, what you need to do is not blame yourself for his behavior, no matter what he should have never cheated on you. eventually he will feel shameful and regret what hes done but for now you need to try to move on as hard as it is. and just know that it will take a long time but eventually u will be able to look back with a better perspective, and new eyes.
its ok to go through the ups and downs, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness and even still loving him...
but you have to love yourself, and pray to Jesus who also love u and will never leave u, ask him for strength.

Answer 8

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER? How was your relationship before? How old is he? There is a thing that men go thru called a midlife crisis and they feel like that they have to prove their manhood. There is also the possibility that he feels insecure or inadequate with you for some reason or maybe there is not enough intimacy for you both. I would suggest counseling for you and maybe suggest marriage counseling to him. Love doesnt just dissipate; it will take time to recover; but stay strong stay positive and ra affirm your attributes on a daily basis and when it is time to move on you will know in your heart.

Answer 9

I am so sorry this happened to you-no one deserves for that to happen to them. Do not blame yourself. If he was unhappy, he should have gotten out of the marriage instead of cheating on you. He is not good enough for you. When some men (I am not saying all guys) cheat or hurt you, their way of trying to make themselves feel better or justify the wrong that they have done is to turn it around on you. I suggest that you try your best to pick up where you left of in life, be positive and know that there is someone out there who will love you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. Let that girl have him, he is going to do the same thing to her. Try your best to stay focused on YOU-spend time with family, friends and enjoy doing things that you haven't done in a while for yourself! Best wishes! :*) I know that this is rough~

Answer 10

Because they are too weak to go to their wives and admit something has changed. Often cheating on either part is caused by this and can be avoided by communication. Talking about a change in feelings for your significant other or a change in the something within in yourself can prevent a lot of problems.