How to know when your marriage is over. Do you think God would allow for other reasons other than adultery fo?

Question

Is emotional abuse, rage attacks, and neglect, no communication, low intimacy, and putting the marriage and family as a last priority an acceptable reason to give up a bad marriage to God ? Even if you have worked hard keep it together. Not to mention having gone to marriage counseling, reading books , etc. And made many attempts to revive and repair the ailing marriage. Including a tremendous amount of self sacrifice and putting ones own needs on the back burner for years in order to keep things together while the kids were growing up. Even though he has been semi stable financially speaking but shamefully lacking in every other way. He is selfish and plays a lot of mind games. He usually ends up getting his own way even if he has to do his will without consulting with his wife, or getting her OK or her blessing.
He acts like a part time father and husband. He only participates when he feels like it and on his own terms. When do you know it's time to throw in the towel

Answer 1

God says, "turn the other cheek".

If you live by the book, you die by the book.

Answer 2

I have stuggled with that question for several years and then my ex had two affairs. I was in a similar relationship and could not see a way out according to God's Word. Jesus said that the ONLY legitimate reason for divorce is for adultery and that is only because Moses allowed it. It was not that way from the beginning. Moses allowed divorce because of the hardening of the heart becaue of adultery. From studying the scripture over and over again I do not find any other reason for Biblical divorce.

My ex and I were separated 5 times in 6 years. Her rage was unbelievable. I have never experienced anything like it in my life. It was not just towards me but also her children.

In my meeting with pastor's and Christian counselors (before I knew of the affairs) divorce was never mentioned. I was told to separate and see if she would stay in counseling and make the changed necessary and that if not then we would remain separated. I would not file for divorce. If she chose to that would be her decision but I would not because I wanted to do what God said no matter what.

I filed after I found out about the affairs and the fact that she was unwilling to give up her "friend" completely.

Talk to your pastor and I hope your husband turns around. He can if he will let God have his life. If he is unwilling then that is his choice.

Answer 3

First ask yourself why you married, then heave you ever had a long period of happiness with him, then has a mental illness Evaluation been made one him. Now are you in a dangerous position, physically or mentally. Remember does forgive. However, also provides tools for people to exercise positive results or negative results it is up to the individual. But, it is important to god that you also experience happiness when these tools are implemented. Does your husband realize what is at steak. Have you answered these questions, how does this make you feel. If you feel that you can be satisfied with the results which ever way it goes then fo with it. Good luck! Divorces do have prerequisites first see what your state requires and if you comply with it then a divorce is granted

Answer 4

I think God intended man and woman to be together but it also says in the Bible not to throw pearls before swine. I don't believe a merciful God will have any problem with a woman leaving a man who treats her this way. If we go strictly by the Bible, any man who marries a divorced woman is guilty of adultery but I believe that many of the things such as that were written by men trying to do the will of God and we have to listen to our hearts to hear Him rather than words someone else tells us. Jesus talks of marital unfaithfulness being a reason for divorce and the way this person acts, he is certainly not faithful to the marriage or the vow he took to honor her, or you if this is you that we are talking about.
Jesus tells us to shake the dust from our feet when we leve the homes of those who do not believe in him, and this man certainly doesn't or he wouldn't act that way.
One last thought, Jesus died so that we would be forgiven so even if this were a sin to divorce, which I do not believe, Jesus died so that we would be forgiven sins and that would include divorce. File for your divorce and leave this man and pray God leads you to someone who will be better for you and honor the vows to love and cherish, and not abuse. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 5

I think your Marriage,was over long before you realized, the signs that were there. Why did it take you so long to realized that there wasn't anything you could have done to save it. If as you say that you have had marriage problems with your husband for a long time, than why torture yourself and your Kids. If you want to save your Sanity, and Peace of Mind, If I were you I would have left him a long time ago. There are no more excuses, Leave before you suffer more than you are suffering now. I care.

Answer 6

Even with all the help in the world, not all marriages can last. If you've done everything you possibly can and it's still going downhill, then the relationship won't get any better - unless he changes his ways.

He's mistreated you for too long, and you already know your answer.

Answer 7

I am not sure of all of the rules. I know that God is an understanding, forgiving and compassionate God. While man may judge you, he will love you no matter what. In my opinion, you need to be honest with yourself and God. I know someone in your position and she has been with this guy for almost 30 years. She doesn't want to be with him and has told him on a number of occasions that she is not in love with him but they are still together....I am careful not to judge, however, is she being true to herself? I am younger than her and love her very much but I don't understand what she is doing. In my opinion she is living a lie. She doesn't want to be married to him so she should break it off. Why choose to live in misery? Why choose to sacrifice another day of your precious short life for someone who doesn't appreciate it? God judges the heart, not the actions...food for thought!

Answer 8

God gave you a mind and the intelligence to figure out for yourself when it is time to give up on a one-sided relationship. Many would argue that one should stick with the "till death do us part" committment, but you also have a committment to yourself to make the most of your life. A husband or wife becomes a part of you, therefore consider that God also said, "If thy right eye offend thee - pluck it out".
Sounds like you have tried for years to make this work and if you are at your wits end, it's time to go.

Answer 9

you sound like my counterpart. I'm in the same situation only my wife is exactly like your husband. after eleven years of an sexless, no affection marriage I've had it! She does absolutely nothing, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, is a pack rat! spends money like water! and is generally useless. after 11 years I finally realized she is not going to change, been to numerous counselors and she still fails to see the light.

maybe we should meet for a coffee and talk.

seadog

Answer 10

From what you written, you know God hates divorce and you know why... it is written in the Word to discourage people from jumping around in their relationships to justify their sexual appetites.

The message was never meant for one to suffer through such a personal dilemma.

If the solution was clear-cut, I'd say cut the bastard loose. To me, the fact that you mentioned the Creator in your decision-making process speaks volumes for your integrity... Petition the Father... communicate to Him your situation and He will answer... the Truth will set you free... My prayers and thoughts are with you...

And... by the way... how do I know you are going down the right path?

Before Carol, my ex, cut me loose, I WAS that bastard!!

Answer 11

Your mind is made up and you already answered your own question...it would be interesting to hear his side though. No one can be all those things and you're just a saint.