Young, Married, Jealous, and Depressed?

Question

Hey, Im very young and married. Im 20 years old and my wife is 21. We recently got married (in August), and we were so happy. I know this is what most people are like when they are in their first couple moths of marriage, but things have changed so drastically. We are going to University together and have some classes together also. For the last month she has changed so much. She treats me like Im not her equal and kind
of makes me feel inferior to her. Im a joker and love to make people laugh so I dont know if she doesnt take me seriously or what, but she doesnt do very much to equal out the load of work in the house. There's piles of dishes, most which are hers, and has her laundry strewn all over our room even though we have hampers. I try to be nice and just ask her to try and keep things clean but she doesnt. At school she treats the guys there with more respect and every time I see her she seems to be near guys. (My jealousy) Last night one guy flirted with her near me and

she just laughed as if it was ok. That hurt me because if a girl would flirt with me, I would make it known that I dont need or want any of that, especially with my wife there. I talked to her about my feelings, my jealousy becasue of her actions towards other guys, and what happened last night. She took it as me blaming it on her. She also tells her friends info about conversations (private Ones) that I only want us to know, some being problems.I can never talk to her because every time I have feelings like this she thinks Im blaming it on her. She wont let me express anything to her. We fight so much, and I mean fight (as in intense arguments) and I have said things that I shouldnt, but i always apologize to her, admitting my wrongs. Im so depressed my family lives so far away, (4,500 km's) and if I talk to my parents about this they will worry so much. We are so disconnected we feel nothing anymore.I am sad every day and sometimes feel that I want to die. Im worried I have no 1.

Answer 1

You need to stop trying to be so nice. Now I'm not saying get hostile or stand up to her. I'm not saying start a fight. I'm saying stop being the jester and start being the king.

She's treating you like you're unimportant because you're acting unimportant. You need to review the way you dress, the way you act, the way you walk, everything. Become a desirable object and she'll desire you. You might find a 'cool guy' who can help you out a bit here. You might also check out the books The Art of Seduction and The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Also there's a lot of stuff on the net about how to come across as an Alpha male. Start doing some research and practicing.

Years ago when I first got married a guy advised me to "Never stop winning your wife". True words. Besides, it can be kind of fun!

Enjoy

See? Your extra details you just added are full of poor me and I pleaded with her. She will resent you if you appear weak emotionaly. Trust me I've been there done that. I'm not saying that you need to become a macho ***, but don't ever go to a woman feeling weak and needy and looking for emotional support. They will be repulsed.

Easiest way to start is to think up a movie charecter and imagin yoursel him and start acting like he would in various situations. It takes time so be patient with yourself. You're building a new, strong, confident you and although it will take time in the end if she doesn't appreciate it plenty of people, male and female will.

Answer 2

I'd throw her laundry out the door, if she can't find the hamper.Throw her dirty dishes in the trash. Only keep a setting for yourself and don't let her use it. Get her paper plates and plastic utensils.

Turn the tables on her, use reverse tactics. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after her, don't look for her. Find something else to do. You are too insecure and she knows it and she uses it against you. Turn it around, put some mystery in the mix. Make her have to find out why you are not insecure any longer. She will become insecure.

Think about having some good looking university gal to come in and clean your place up. Pay her to do it, with your wife's allowance. Make sure your wife is home when she comes in to clean.

Answer 3

Thats wierd,your living my life.Im 23 and got married in august aswell,except my husband has always been like that,i knew what i was marrying.Sometimes what i do if he takes the piss too much is i just leave it.I know its hard living in a tip but try it and even add too it,throw your dirty laundry everywhere and add to the washing up and they soon realise what they're living in.Otherwise just talk to her and say shes taking the piss.I would'nt put up with the flirting tho that is just wrong .If that was my partner i'd have had it out there and then.Good luck.!!

Answer 4

Would you like some cheese with all that wine? Grow up, pal. This is life -- welcome to 'marriage 101'. Either you two get it together VERY soon or sign the papers and get away from each other. AND STOP TELLING HER YOU'RE SORRY! She doesn't treat you with respect because you haven't earned it. What's the worst thing that could happen if you split up? She leaves, she doesn't treat you like crap anymore. Start acting like there are millions of single women out there (because it's true) and stop taking any crap from her and for God's sake grow a set of balls.
Sheeze....

Answer 5

Wow. Sounds like one of the first challenges of being married. If I were you I would talk it out with her, and ask her what you can do for her to make her feel happy, and if you show her that you are willing to change some things that might annoy her (that you might not know of), she may ask the same questions and things might go better. Let her know how much you love her, and I'm pretty sure things will go better. Don't get angry and upset with her and call her names, but just be patient. Let me know if that helps. :)

Answer 6

You might have made a bad choice, if she's actiing like this so early in the marriage. You are both very young and with some damage control (counseling) there could be hope.
Be respectful to your wife but don't let her use you as a doormat.

Answer 7

wish I had the right answer for you, but marriage is hard. Why did you get married so young? I have always believed marrying too young can be so disastreous. Did you marry because you were so far from home? Really, she and you are still babies, you are still finding yourselves. Prepare yourself if the marriage does not last.

Answer 8

You have to talk to her about it, don't be afraid of her saying "no" or not listening. You aren't asking her but telling her how you feel.

If she still wants to be in the marriage or the relationship with you, she will listen and straighten her acts.

Answer 9

seems like she needs to grow up. marriage is hard work without one person acting like a child.

Answer 10

I WOULDNT DEAL W/IT..I SAY DIVORCE AND THERES PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA..YOU CANT CHANGE ANYONE AND I LEARNED THAT AFTER YRS OF BEING W/AN IDIOT.IF YOU DONT LIKE HER AND ACCEPT HER FOR HOW AND WHO SHE IS(LIKE THAT SHE IS A FLIRT,MESSY,INCONSIDERATE,MISTREATS YOU AND PUTS YOU DOWN..ETC.) THEN YOU NEVER WILL AND ITS JUST GOING TO CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS,FIGHT AND ARGUMENTS MAKING YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL.



HOPE I HELPED&GOOD LUCK!!:)