Can you compose an entertaining story that thrills the ears to hear it with these phrases??

Question

1) It all started when...........
2) I can well remember my mother's advice!! She said.......
3) The ad said "Single Female who likes to pout, looking for.....
4) What kind of lunatics peruse the personals anyway?
5) I was both horried and enchanted at the same time!
6) Do these things have to be truthful...or can you lie a little?

I have to look up budgie!!!...Am I behind the times or what..lol!!??
(and thanks for correcting my "typo"
'horried'...not a word!!

I will try and close this at Midnight E.S.T 0n 11/12/07

Answer 1

(1) It all started when I decided to trade my wife in for two 30-year olds. I thought about trading her in for three 20-year olds but (2) I can well remember my mother's advice!!! She said, "Never take more melons than you can hold at once." Good advice Mom.

Anyway, I found a web site that specialized in these types of swaps (hey, there's a web site for everything) and began the application process. I laughed at myself because I had always wondered (4) what kind of lunatics peruse the personals anyway? Well, I was about to be one of those lunatics.

Of course they wanted a bio. I was not sure how much to reveal or how truthful to be. (6) "Do these things have to be truthful...or can you lie a little?" I wondered. I decided maybe a little puffery might be OK so my pinto became a jaguar and my one room apartment turned into a private estate on the coast. Most of the rest was pretty accurate as I did not want to lie about my macho looks and suave manner, nor my successful investments.

Finally, I was able to look through the pics of available mates. (5) I was both horrified and enchanted at the same time. The site apparently only offered siamese twins, rather than separate individuals. For the right price, I could select any one set as a trade for my wife. If the twins I selected approved of me, delivery of them and pick-up of my wife would take 5-6 working days, unless I paid the extra for 2-day service.

Though slightly put off about being misled initially, I did come across one ad that interested me. (3) The ad said "Single Female who likes to pout, looking for older gentleman knowledgeable in the field of whining." Well, believe me, living with my wife, I had plenty of whining experience.

Though not strictly a two-for-one deal as I had hoped for, the twins were quite attractive. This might turn out OK after all is my thinking right now. I'll mull it over for a day or two. It won't matter because I'll most likely pay the extra for express service.

My wife will probably be a bit upset, but then she usually is anyway. At least she won't have to keep hollering about me being on the computer all day anymore.

I'm not sure it "thrills the ears" but I hope you enjoy it.

Answer 2

>> Do these things have to be truthful, or can you lie a little?
Oh well I'm gonna lie my buttcheeks off, here goes:
It all started when a strange exotic looking cage arrived on the doorstep. It contained a half naked savage budgie who exclaimed in no uncertain terms that it could read the personals fluently in 5 different languages.
I was both horrified & enchanted at the same time. Not believing its proclamations, I carried the cage inside & promptly set the newspaper down in front of it opened at the personals column.
The ad said: "single white female who likes to pout, looking for lost, half naked, savage budgie ~ last seen, flapping around the kiosk at the holiday inn ~ I think he may have been trying to buy a newspaper. He has a strange fascination with the personals column. Big reward offered"
The budgie, after reading this proudly in 5 different languages in his budgie voice, ripped up the ad & promptly chewed it to bits (I told you it was savage!) ~ so I had no means of contacting the real owner.
The budgie then squawked: "lets kick this joint toots, take me to the hilton for dinner & we can trip the light fantastic!"
I replied, "Wouldn't you rather find your real owner."
The budgie then said: "No, I wasn't born half naked you know - my owner pouts so much because she's also blind in both eyes & she keeps mistaking me for her chuppa chup. I can well remember my mother's advice!! She said: if you put on airs, you're gonna get licked ~ & she was right! I should never have learned those 5 languages, I'd never have wound up in the pickle I did. Another piece of advice she told me that I didn't listen to, but wish I did, was: what kind of lunatics peruse the personals anyway......."
So, after that we spent many happy hours together dining at the hilton, my budgie looked ever so spiffy in the tuxedo & top hat we made to hide his half nakedness & he never felt the urge to read the personals again, well, except maybe occassionally on rainy days & when the hilton was closed.
End.

Answer 3

The call came in at about 7:30 p.m.
The caller was a female and she was frantic. She had just arrived after a hard days work and found that someone had broken in to her apartment.

My partner and I arrived as soon as we could get to her place.
My name's Friday, I carry a badge.

We arrived at the scene and the woman was inconsolable.
I asked her to show me in to her apartment. It was a mess. She said half of her stuff was missing and what was left was not in the place that she left them.

I asked her if she had any idea who would be doing this and she said,(1) "It all started when I placed an ad."

I asked her what she meant. How did this whole thing start and how did she know when it started.

She looked at my partner and me through her tears and said,"I placed an ad in the singles column and that's when this whole thing began."

Bill looked at me and his face seemed to mirror the same confusion that I was feeling.

She looked at us and said, (3)"The ad said "Single Female who likes to to pout, looking for a man with culture and style. Someone who knows what a girl wants and isn't afraid to show it."

Bill looked at me and said, (2)"I can well remember my mother's advice!! She said the best place to meet someone new is in a bowling alley, She always said that anyone who couldn't bowl, wasn't worth knowing."

I felt my eyes roll up in my head as they usually do when Bill spoke, and I hoped that no one else noticed it.

We were trying to tie things up, it was obvious that we were to late to catch the culprit in the act so we took all of her information and took pictures of the scene. I gave her my card and told her to call us if she heard from him again.

As we were driving away, Bill looked over at me and said, "can you believe that a pretty girl like that had to place an ad in the personals in order to get a date?"

I thought about this for a minute and said, "I have never even looked at the personal ads. (4) What kind of lunatics peruse the personals anyway?"

We then realized that this case was going to involve things we had never dealt with before.

We did not hear from our distrought female in several days but we had just bought the paper and her ad was still running.

We decided to stop by her apartment to check on her and ask if she was going to pull the ad soon.

When we arrived, I knocked on the door and she opened it. She stood back and let us in. She seemed much more relaxed than she was on out previous visit.

When we entered, the apartment was immaculate. Everything seemed to be in it's place.Although it didn't look anything like the place we had been to a few days earlier. I think even the walls had been freshly painted. (5) I was both horrified and enchanted at the same time!

My confusion must have shown on my face.

She looked at me and said that the suspect had returned. It was again while she wsa out but this time when she got home, it seems he had finished what he had originally set out to do.

She said that all of her missing furnishings had been replaced with what was now in her apartment. The walls had all been painted and new rugs had been put down. She had all new dishes and she even seemed pleased with the changes that had been forced upon her.

I took out my notepad and asked her to tell us what had happened and exactly everything that had been removed from her place.

She looked at Bill and then me. She said, "What are you going to do if you catch him."

I looked at her and said he would have to go to jail since he had broken the law. I told her to start telling me what had happened in as much detail as she could remember.

She looked at Bill and said, (6)"Do these things have to be truthful...or can you lie a little?"

I looked her straight in the eye and said,"Just the facts, mam."