My boyfriend can not clean or cook.I just don't think he is resourceful, what should I do?

Question

We have been living together for the past 14 months. I noticed that my boyfriend cannot prepare meals. He doesn't clean well. He really tries to clean and pitch in with the chores. However he does a poor job and I often have to reclean the areas, he has "cleaned." when I explain these things to him, he think am picking on him. We were just raised differently . For example, his idea of making the bed is just throwing the sheets across the bed. Which differs from my idea of tucking the sheets at the end, making sure the sheets are even and the wrinkles are straighten out. When he cleans he is extremely sloppy!
I really love this guy and I can see myself living the rest of my life with him. But I can't help but notice the red flags and the thought of raising a family with someone who cannot cook or clean frightens me. He doesn't want to hire a cleaning crew and shows no effort to clean things properly. I am not a neat freak. I just expect things to be presentabl

Answer 1

Oooh cooking the meals. Have him join you while prepare the meal. He can chop something up. So this way he can see how it’s done. But if you as picky as the house work then you will find faults in his efforts to help you prepare a meal. Cooking can be fun together. He may glance over and see you taste test something. Have him come over and give him a sample seal it with a kiss. Your cooking efforts might be pout on hold for a short time. It will be a memory you wont forget. He would be more than welcome to help you in the kitchen.

He may not clean to your satisfaction but at least he is trying to help you around the house. Don’t shoot him down because it’s not done by your expectations. So what if you have to go behind him and pick up. Do this when he isn’t around. If you continue to attack his ego you’re going to have serious issues in your relationship. I hate to tell you this but yes you are picking on him. Do you realize how many women would love to have a man that is willing to help them with house hold chores.

You have a picture on the wall and its a little crooked do u go and straighten it up.
If you have a pen left out and you have to put it back in the proper place.
If you walk into a bedroom and you see the sheets hanging out from the comforter do you remake the bed.
You look in your cupboards and see that the spice was in the wrong place you had to put it in the proper place.
If you were to walk into your bathroom and see that the towels were not folded right you have to refold them.
If the chair is sticking out just a little bit and you had to put it back in the proper place.
If you have a drawer that isn’t all the way closed and you feel then need to shut it.
If you have company over and you continue to clean the house with them there
Do you go into his room like the garage and clean it up.
Can you go one day with out cleaning or picking up your house.
Then you are a neat freak!!
My advice to you is seek help. This can and will ruin your relationship. It almost destroyed mine until I got help.
Answer this question, which matters more a happy man or a polished floor.

So try putting your self in his shoes. Just think for one second you guys switched bodies and you had to go to his job. Do what he does. You wouldn’t be able to do his job to his satisfaction but he wouldn’t shoot you down for it. He would say you have done your best and that’s all I can ask for.

Answer 2

Give the guy credit for trying! That's more than a lot of guys would do! If you know that he doesn't make the bed in a "suitable" way, then be sure you do it. Have him do things like taking out the trash or vacuuming (I don't think you can do these things "wrong"?). As for his cooking, that could just be how he is! Not everybody can cook, even if they want to. However, try taking some cooking classes together. It's a TON of fun and he may learn some things, as well as you. :) You can also just have him help you around the kitchen. Be patient with both things. You're both adults so you both have been used to a certain way of doing things for a long time! I think you need to be a little more bending. If guests come over and your bed isn't made just so, just shut your bedroom door, etc.

Answer 3

If having a perfectly clean house and great cook are on your priority list then get rid of him, this will not change. However if you really love him then you have to be able to accept that he is different from you. Your contestant bantering about how things "should" be done probably drives him up the wall as well.

If you want marriage and a family with this man you have to learn not to sweat the small stuff.

Frankly, you sound extremely ungrateful and a few choice other words. You are lucky he will put up with you. Most men and people in general would not.

Answer 4

Would you want someone to mold you into someone you are not? Probably not. You'd probably rebel throughout the duration.
You're are going to have to compromise a little. Just because his cleaning standards don't meet up to yours is not the end of the world or any reason to pull your hair out. Give him other chores to do. Let him vacuum and clean the bathrooms. Separate the laundry, but let him be in charge of washing and drying the stuff, especially his own.
Chances are, his mom did all of this for him.

When it comes to cooking, find out what he can cook and what you'd be satisfied with to eat. Per say, chili dogs and onion rings.
Don't expect him to cook a 4 star meal when he's not motivated to learn.

Answer 5

Are there other things he IS good at? Maybe you should give him the chores that don't take such detail. He can rinse and load, and unload a dishwasher wthout much trouble. He could fold laundry. I think you could find a happy medium. You just have to go about it a little carefully. You don't want to make him feel like he's inadequate, you just want him to put a little more effort in.

It's not his fault, really. I mean...if he has no idea HOW to actually clean, he's going to do 'his mothers' version of 'clean'.

Answer 6

Gosh, all Im reading is how bad this man does housework. And, for the love of GOD, does he really have to tuck the sheets in like you do? Are you sure you love this guy? Red flags like what? Crappy housework? My goodness. Such a petty, petty thing to ***** about. Sounds a bit like, you're picking on the poor guy.

Answer 7

I think that you are expecting too much. What ever happened to the man working a job and doing the maintenance and trash and stuff like that at home and the woman staying home? He does work a job doesn't he? 14 months and you are just now seeing this side of him? Whats up with that?

Answer 8

These are the idiosyncrasies that will drive you nuts if you don't get a grip on it.

You do things differently. He doesn't clean to your standards - you won't change that. You can either continue to do it on your own or hire someone, but you shouldn't chide him about his skills. You want the bed linens tucked in, tuck them in. He doesn't care. You do. You can't make him care.

If you belittle his efforts it will make for a miserable future. You cannot expect him to completely change his ways to suit you, you know that don't you?

Answer 9

Maybe you could give him soemthing he can do. Like perhaps iron clothes,fix thingy around the house. Men arn't usually good at that kinda stuff. maybe get him a book "as a joke" on how to clean and stuff. Or teach him in a fun say explain to him your not picking on him you just want to help.

Answer 10

Ever think about it this way? Maybe he's playing you. If he doesn't do it in a way that meets with your approval, then you'll come along behind him and do it. My guess is that he's hoping you'll just get frustrated with his work and begin doing it all yourself.

Just a thought.