how to cope with the divorce?

Question

i have been married for 4 yrs and we have a 3 year old son together. now my husband wants to get divorce and it will be finalized in few months. the reason for the divorce is he has been suffering from depression for many yrs and he does not want to talk to any counselor or anything, but he cannot take the responsibility to have a family. he would rather get divorce and be alone. but i am living in a hell, but i dont show it because i have to be strong because of my son, my parents in laws are helping me a lot to deal with the things but i cannot think anything without him. any advice how to cope with this pain?

Answer 1

Hold On! Pull yourself together. Didn't you just say that you have to be strong because of your son? That's how you cope with this pain. You remember that this is not about you or your husband anymore. You have to do this for your son's sake. You don't have time to be falling into no pity party or feeling inept without your husband's presence. It sounds like you were the backbone of the marriage anyway. It made sound tight, but it's right! You look down at those innocent little eyes looking up at you for guidance and you realize that you owe it to him to give it everything you got to bring him up in the most healthy environment possible. When he's gone to sleep, if you want to go ahead and grieve, do so. but while he's awake and alert, give him the best single parent raised child you can. You'll be glad you did one day. Trust me. God Bless.

Answer 2

DISTRACT yourself by doing a lot of things , make yourself very very BUSY , if you're dead tired at the end of the day the last thing you want to think of is your divorce . If it really really bothers you then talk to people , get a support group like a 12 step program for a divorce person , the more you share the lighter your load gets , it's been proven already that this works again & again. It is not the end of the world , you have a whole lot of life ahead of you . Give it some time , like the old cliche " TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS", i know i've been there done that , looking back now after a few years i said "What am i thinking , i dont have to force myself to somebody that dont love me anymore , i'm glad i moved on and done other things beside sulking & doing self pity & making a fool of myself & letting someone make my life a living hell, I focus on the POSITIVE side and what i learn from this life lesson and about the negative side , i swear not to do it again. SO there , what was the question again ?

Answer 3

When my husband and I got divorced I felt so alone and bewildered. In my case it was really for the best as my husband was abusive to the children and to me, but still, the end of any relationship is painful. I remember that shortly after the divorce I went to a parent- teacher conference, and thought I'd better tell the teacher what was going on in my daughter's life in case she started acting differently in school. I ended up breaking into tears, and the teacher put her hand on my arm and said gently, "I, too am divorced, and I'm going to tell you that I promise in 6 months time the pain will start to go away, and each day you'll get a little stronger." Her kindness touched my heart, and I made up my mind that I would not let the lonliness cause a void in my life. I started to invite friends over--even the couples that we used to hang out with. At Christmas I had a Christmas Eve party that turned out to be an annual event for so many years! People would come with a dish to pass, we'd play a game where everyone brought a present (none higher than $5, and it could be a gag gift or something nice). As time went on I would invite people who were also going through something difficult, and the joy that we all felt getting together and sharing that special evening with each other was contageous. One year I thought I'd not have it, and so many people were disappointed that I went ahead and had it anyway, and it was one of the best times! I tell you all this to give you hope that it will pass, only you have to give yourself some time to start to heal. But you also need to do things to help heal. I turned to God, and my friends and family. For you it may be different, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember there are stages to grieving for a loss, and there's no shortcut, or way to get around it. Just know that you will get through it. I wish you much success and support. God bless.

Answer 4

you take things one day at a time and try to heal and start to get past the pain of the divorce and what has happened. Stay positive and keep your chin up no matter what and if you have a hard time coping or moving on with your life Seek counseling and help for how you are feeling...Also a divorce recovery workshop is good and helpful as well. You also would benefit by meeting new people and making new friends.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your pain, I was married for 20 year's, my husband wanted a divorce, because I am sick, some what like your husband is, but I went and got counseling, but we ended up divorcing anyway, it's been 7 year's now, so yes, I know what you are going through, it's very hard at first, especially if you are the one that don't want the divorce, I tried to show no emotions when he was around, but then I cried, it is very good to cry, hit pillows, if your alone scream, I learned alot in counseling, I still go there, it might do you a whole lot of good to go get some counseling to like I did, to deal with the divorce, then hopefully if he sees you go then maybe he'll go and get help for he's depression..

Answer 6

I believe your husband still loves you very much
and your son very much, but believes that through his illness he is no longer good enough for you.

You are still married and morally you have responsibility for your husband. The fact that he wishes to divorce you because he cannot take responsibility for a family means he is not in his right mind.

Your husband's action for a divorce to "be alone" is a serious signal that he preparing to suicide by divesting himself of his property, wealth, and responsbilities. Being alone is the WORST thing possible to happen to any person with clinical depression.

He erroneously believes that when he is divorced his suicide will affect you and your son less.

I would bet money that based on your explanation of your husband's behavior, he will suicide within days to weeks of your divorce having become final.

I would instead recommend taking IMMEDIATE ACTION to save him!

Have your laywer file a stay to the divorce, contest it due to his present mental state, and then have competent civil authority (police or psychiatrist) commit your husband to a rehabilitation center by means of a conservatorship.

I say again, he is exhibiting suicidal behavior by virtue of instigating the divorce "to be alone". Divestment of wealth, possessions, and responsibilities is a clear signal that suicide is imminent.

How do I know this? Because I am a man who has inherited depression and struggled with it my entire life. It has devastated my career to the point that while I am more than capable of designing software that after being laid off a couple years ago there are no references willing to recommend me, I have therefore become unemployable.

This still does not stop me from loving my wife and daughter. I take my medications nearly without fail and only have about one bad day a month as a result. I am still useful as a homemaker and full-time parent, and when my child starts school I intend to return to graduate school for retraining.

Good luck and may God help you all in these difficult times.

The Eternal Squire

Answer 7

It's easy to push the blame elsewhere.The reason for the divorce is: Your relationship is not strong enough to handle dealing with one of you having depression. Basically, you don't really love each other and never have. Infatuation has some clever disguises. You both made a mistake. Live and learn. Burying your head in the sand wont help.

Answer 8

Im so sorry for your pain....It will take lots of time. It isn't something you will get through overnight but you have a good support system in your family. be sure to lean on them. You are right you have to be strong for your son and in doing so you will find the power and strength to get through it. Seek counseling for yourself and PRAY. You will make it.

Dont consume yourself in trying to find someone else or becoming vendictive. Just keep open communication only for the sake of your son and take time to work on you and your child. Someone else will come along when the time is right but that is not even something you should think about right now.

Answer 9

You need to see a counselor who can help you get through this. You need to talk about it and then have someone help you through the divorce and get back on your feet. I went through a divorce about 1 year ago. I was married for 25 years. I felt I couldn't do anything but I surprised myself and own my own house have my own checking and savings account and have become a much stronger person. I really like the person I have become. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

....H e is a jerk and you are lucky .... first make sure that you have custody and that you get all the financial support you can from him guaranteed by the court ...then YOU will need psychological help to cope with the divorce ..... get the help you can not do it alone ...can not ........get help ...and also see that your son gets the help he needs too and if there is a next time pick a lot better than you did this time .... good luck